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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

joining blame culture or genuine case?

158 replies

CurtainTwitcher · 10/07/2010 07:22

On tuesday my DD3 was in shopping trolley which tipped over when my 3+4yr olds tried to stand on one side. The 4yr old did stand on it but 3yr old was just trying to. Between them they probably weigh around 4 1/2 stone. Anyways the trolley tipped over with DD3 sitting in the seat strapped in and resulted in her knocking her head on the floor. Obviously carted off by ambulance and spending around 30hrs on a ward due to them being concerned about bleeding on the brain.
Anyways since telling people when asking about huge bruising around 90% have said that they dont think the trolley should have tipped. The store have phoned last night and said they will be conducting an investigation with it being such a serious incident. So what I am asking is whether there is any responsibility with the store or whether it is just one of those things? I am wondering if people are all on this band wagon of claiming for money or it if it is something that shouldnt have happened considering how many children will be in the store probably doing similair.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAsleep · 10/07/2010 09:53

I think you are right it is not the stores fault. Anything that is being used as directed not too surely cannt be held responisble. It probably only went cause your other daughter was trying to pull herself up also iyswim.

nellie12 · 10/07/2010 09:53

God, all these people whose dc never carry on for them in a supermarket! I'm impressed. Where do they all live.

It was an accident fgs. Stop hanging the op out to dry I'm sure she already feels bad enough without numerous posters stepping in to tell her how negligent she is.

Op I hope your baby is ok now. If there is something wrong with the trolley then it needs sorting . Enough of us use the supermarkets.

As for claiming? Well if there's no lasting damage I probably wouldn't. (although if they wanted to give me free nappies or something then I wouldn't knock it back.)

PeedOffWithNits · 10/07/2010 09:53

OK cross posts, i see more info on the car case now

OK so technically the driver was found at fault for not looking ahead and assuming that a child may run out.

BUT

Morally the parent is to blame, for not keeping hold of the child assuming they might run out

that poor driver

Ryuk · 10/07/2010 09:53

CurtainTwitcher, you should have been holding both of your children's hands, and holdng the trolley with two other hands, and used your fifth hand to pick up the strawberries (coordinated with your third eye, of course, while you used the primary two to continue watching the kids). If you're not a mutant like the rest of us then you're clearly a horrible parent.

Seriously though, sorry to hear about the LO, hope everyone's doing ok. Although in answer to the actual question, I think weighting trolleys so they don't tip over if climbed on would probably involve large amounts of metal or possibly bricks... not sure if there's a practical way to go about it, to be honest.

SandyBits · 10/07/2010 09:53

Then it's up to you, as their parent, to stop them. Jeez, you must have feral kids if you let them do what they want with no sense of danger. Whatever happened to good old fashioned parental responsibility? O yes, that's right, it went out the window as soon as the no win no fee lot came in

melikalikimaka · 10/07/2010 09:55

Yes the programme is called 'Jackass', does that give you a clue!

SandyBits · 10/07/2010 09:56

I'm not saying you wer enegligent. I'm saying that when the accident did happen, it's up to you to say, you know, it was an accident and I probably could have prevented it. But it's water under the bridge. I certainly don't have perfect children (I wish!) but no, I would not allow them to do this, and then even consider blaming someone else if I had allowed it. The buck stops with you OP.

Triggles · 10/07/2010 09:57

Stoppinattwo - but see, there you're changing the situation. You didn't say previously that the children were standing at the kerb ready to cross. That DOES make a difference. Then in THAT situation, the driver should be aware of the children and that one might step out. At the point where the children are visible by the kerb showing intention to cross, the driver should be alert to the possibility that one may cross unsafely and drive accordingly. That is ENTIRELY different.

I still maintain that parents are responsible for controlling and monitoring the safety of their children. No wonder we have so many kids that insist nothing they do is their fault - they're being raised to think that way.

do we have a emoticon for "banging head against a brick wall" ??

melikalikimaka · 10/07/2010 09:58

The post is about trolleys, ok.

Fuzzywood · 10/07/2010 10:01

Op I hope your DCs are all ok.
IMO it was an accident and the store won't be found to have been at fault. I suspect there are 2 reasons they would investigate, firstly their Health and Safety policy probably states that they have to investigate all accidents and secondly they could use the report they prepared in any resulting legal action. Basically they'd be doing it to cover themselves.
Don't beat yourself up about it, these things happen.

PeedOffWithNits · 10/07/2010 10:02

triggles - though of course, if you're gonna go banging your head on a brick wall, you can't then blame the owner of the wall if you hurt yourself

LOL

Triggles · 10/07/2010 10:06

pmsl Peed - nearly spit out my drink reading that! Can I blame you for the damage to my laptop? LOL

electra · 10/07/2010 10:07

I agree with stoppinattwo - I think it's entirely reasonable for the OP to wish to consider her options here. Those of you judging, get a life - sometimes children don't listen to repeated warnings, especially when they're bored.

PeedOffWithNits · 10/07/2010 10:10

now you're being silly triggles, you know if you are reading MN there is always a strong risk of just that sort of keyboard damage so you should take the appropriate precautions, tsk tsk

proudnsad · 10/07/2010 10:13

I must be pretty thick as it never occurred to me trolleys could tip over and have never noticed signs saying don't allow dc to climb on/in them!

This could so have happened to my dc. OP sorry you had such a fright and hope dd recovers fully - I will happily take the irresponsible parent medallion from you so no need to keep repeating your punnet of strawberries defence!!

SandyBits · 10/07/2010 10:14

Do you really need a sign telling you not to let people climb on them though? Whatever happened to common sense?

PeedOffWithNits · 10/07/2010 10:15

come on electra, thats a cop out - "sometimes children don't listen to repeated warnings, especially when they're bored"

  • then the parent needs to be more effective in their reminders/expectations/warnings/consequences, and it is STILL their fault when something goes wrong through their childs behaviour

and dont let them get bored - make shopping a game, promise a treat for good behaviour, avoid shopping after school on a friday when they are hot and tired and grumpy and hungry etc etc

I suspect what you meant was the parent who will just keep on saying "dont do that" in a wimpy voice, with no escalation to stricter voice and consequences - of course kids will ignore that if nothing ever happens and they are used to empty warnings

Lara2 · 10/07/2010 10:16

CurtainTwitcher - put it down to bad luck and it was an accident. Both children are fine - it probably scared the shit out of both of them - lesson learned. You turned away for a second - you're right, the monkeys are unperdicatble at the best of times.
don't let yourself get dragged into a slanging match with other posters.

Glad the girls are fine - that's the most important thing here.

Dinkytinky · 10/07/2010 10:16

Morning! No supermaret not at fault- if a wheel had come off causing your Dc's to fall then yes, but they knew not to do it and did it anyway, I'm glad they're both ok and they probably won't try it again (every cloud hey?!)

PeedOffWithNits · 10/07/2010 10:19

all those who have never seen the trolley signs, look here

the supermarkets have to have these, because if you are NOT warned NOT to let your child do XYZ then you MIGHT have a case against them if your child is injured doing it. just like McDs etc have to have a warning on their coffee saying it is hot, and clothes are labelled do not iron while wearing and all sorts of other stupid stuff - to avoid being sued by people with no common sense and responsibility

Triggles · 10/07/2010 10:25

Peed - ok ok... duly noted... new MN rule - never take a sip while reading, always sip AFTER reading new posts...

I can't see that the OP actually HAS much by way of options. She can try to place blame on the store, but it's not going to fly as (say it with me now) "it's not the store's fault!" The OP in no way indicated that there seemed to be any problem with the trolley and only seemed to think so after talking to others. And it's hardly likely that she's going to come on NOW and say "oh, now that I think about it, it WAS a bit wobbly...." as that would take drip-feeding to a whole new level.

As far as children not listening to repeated warnings, I'll say it again (for the umpteenth time) - if you've had to warn them repeatedly, then obviously warning them isn't working and you need to progress to some other discipline or come up with a preventative measure of some sort. She had plenty of options which may have worked for her:

  • shop online and have shopping delivered
  • bring someone (friend, DH, MIL, whatever) along to assist in controlling children
  • leave one or two or all of the children at home or with a sitter or friend/relative while shopping
  • get trolley with double child seats and put the 3yo in the trolley seat with the younger child so there's only one on the ground to control (this has added bonus of actually adding a little extra weight to trolley thus probably preventing the whole tip over scenario anyway)

But saying "oh they're bored, they're going to get into mischief" is nonsense. If they're bored, you either need to interact with them a bit or don't take them shopping with you.

electra · 10/07/2010 10:27

Peedofwithnits - nobody is a perfect parent 100% of the time. When you have 101 things to do, sit's impossible to have your eye on the task and your children all at the same time all day every day.

It's not a cop out, it's simply a fact of life. But your parenting is obviously beyond reproach and your children never get bored because you make everything a game so I will just have to keep on aspiring to that, I guess

Children are not machines that can be programmed for good behaviour. Tired children, bored children or children who woke up on the wrong side of bed are not going to be as responsive as how they are on a different day. And the parent is not a machine either.

PeedOffWithNits · 10/07/2010 10:27

exactly trigg - with u 100%

proudnsad · 10/07/2010 10:27

Good lord is there really a need to post link about supermarket signs?!Of course parents take their eyes off balls from time to time, it's hilarious that anyone on here is saying otherwise. Peedoff you sound mightily and rather weirdly angry about this issue. Have a cup of tea and calm down.

PeedOffWithNits · 10/07/2010 10:29

I never said I was the perfect parent - but i do fully accept that whn one of my Dc has been hurt when I looked away or was not on form, it is MY fault and mine alone

THAt is the difference, not trying to pass the buck