to invite 'brown' children to dds party

[onebadbaby]

This is probably in the wrong topic, but is anyone elses DCs racist. My dd age 4 seems to have a natural dislike of other children who are not white. She refers to them as 'the brown children' and doesn't want to invite them to her party. We live an area where there is a high percentage of people from pakistani and indian origin and several in her class at school. I hoped that mixing at school would help her have a better of understanding of other cultures, and she has learnt about different festivals etc, but she still seems to see skin colour as making the children different to her. I thought at this age she wouldn't even notice and would just accept friends based on personality. I have tried to explain that we don't choose friends based on colour, but on whether they are kind, or like to play the same games as you etc but it hasn't seemed to work. She says she "likes pink skin". I don't think this attitude is coming from the other kids at school as she isn't using racist terms or names, it just seems to be her own feelings which she is expressing, and it certainly hasn't come from me or dh.

Anyway, I have told her she has to invite everyone to her party- am I doing the right thing?

I too dont think that a 4 year old can be racist unless taught it by carers. Therefore I dont believe your dd is racist.

My dds are all anti some group or another. One 'hates' people with yellow hair. One 'hates' boys (and has for a few years)! They go through stages of 'hating' a category of person that they have defined in their head. Skin colour is no different to hair colour and hating people with various hair colours has been central to my dds lives!!!!

My dd when she was just over 2 and half pointed out that our neighbour had a 'brown face', having to think on my feet and have the conversation while it was in her mind i said 'yes, xxxx does have a brown face, and you and me have got pink faces, and daddy has got a red face (ho ho ho)' and dd was fine, she will sometimes say ' so and so has a briown face but my face is pink isn't it?' and i said that it is nice that everyone is different because it is a lot more excting than everything and everyone being the same. Yet, strangely, dd goes to multicultural nursery and she has never commented on the children's colour, and all the children play with each other there.

Those of you who use the 'different coloured cats explanation' beware! DD walked up to our (black) friend last week at a party and said 'you are like our cat' and then wandered off, leaving us to hastily explain we have a new cat who happens to have very dark brown hair.

But they are not generally racist at that age, curious yes, but not racist. DD quite often asks about different people - japanese people fascinate her for some reason - I think because they are often smaller than Europeans. But she was equally perplexed by a (very) spray tanned blonde in a bar and kept kicking me and saying 'mummy look an umpalumpa'