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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not allow my 14 year-old DD to go camping?

86 replies

lesley2460 · 09/07/2010 09:14

My DD was 14 last week. About a month ago a load of her friends (mixed) spent a night camping in a field not far from home - we live on the edge of a largish town. I put my foot down and said no, she came home after the barbeque about 10.30 pm and all was well.

Now she's asking me again for the same thing tonight - four 14 year-old girls and a few Year 8 (!!!!) boys camping in a field with no adult supervision whatsoever. I don't think I'd have a minute's sleep if I let her go so have said no again. Of course I am now the uncoolest mum on the planet - although in actual fact my feeling is that the other mums are taking a very lax view on this arrangement.

What does everyone think?

OP posts:
sarah293 · 09/07/2010 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

grumblegrumble · 09/07/2010 09:18

No way. Just asking for trouble, they are too young to cope if they have an argument, someone brings alcohol/drugs, or if someone has an accident. I think at that age you might leave them home alone (although not overnight, I suspect) but that's a safe and controlled environment. In a field with a load of other young teenagers - no.

dreamingofsun · 09/07/2010 09:19

well i wouldn't. i have boys and i wouldn't let them camp by themselves till they were 16. but then i'm an uncool mum. it may be totally innocent and fun - but there's always the danger of alcohol/sex/fire

loopyloops · 09/07/2010 09:21

Hmmmm well normally I would say to cut her some slack BUT a friend of mine told me a story the other day which made me think otherwise.

Very good girl, parents let her go camping (age 15), thinking it was all girls.
Kids all took acid, and ended up in a tent with an older boy, getting jiggy, not knowing what she'd done the next day.

I think you need to assess your own daughter. Is she likely to get into any trouble? Have you spoken to any of the other parents?

JustBeachy · 09/07/2010 09:24

I think I would - with the caveat that i could pick her up at any time if she felt she wanted to leave. (so she can text you and escape if she feels uncomfortable with anything)

And possibly I would offer to drop by with bacon sarnies at 9am the next morning...would probably increase the level of responsibility if they knew you were coming round quite early...

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/07/2010 09:25

No, I wouldn't.

DD told me of some friends who camped in a quarry a Saturday night a couple of weeks ago. None of the parents knew about it - it was the classic 'x says she is staying at y's, y says she is stayin at x's' thing. They all got completely mashed on mephadrone.

I am OK with organised camping (dd is going on an expedition with DofE in August) but a load of kids in a field - no, that is asking for trouble.

JustBeachy · 09/07/2010 09:25

loopy "very good girl" is actually prob very good liar unless she was spiked...

ShinyAndNew · 09/07/2010 09:26

I wouldn't but that is because I know what sort of things I got up, when left unsupervised at 14

Is your girl responsible?

loopyloops · 09/07/2010 09:28

Hmmm very good in terms of her parents thinking so, never in any trouble at school etc. Not so good in this sense, and deffo not spiked.

IT is hard when you're young to say no to something that your friends all think is fun.

Original poster
lesley2460 · 09/07/2010 09:30

Thanks for all your views - definitely mixed!! I do feel my daughter is quite sensible but it's not her I'm worried about, it's the rest of them and I would also be worried sick about the drugs/alcohol risks. I've already told that she can do this in Year 11 after her prom - which apparently 'everyone' does, but that's still two years away.

I think I'm going to stick to my guns - JustBeachy, like the principle of her texting me if she's uncomfortable, but wonder if she'd actually admit to that in front of her friends?

OP posts:
dreamingofsun · 09/07/2010 09:32

lesley

if she's blind drunk or someone's set the tent on fire with a cigarette she won't be able to text - and i'm not suggesting she's a bad girl - just that things happen with groups that wouldn't normally

grumblegrumble · 09/07/2010 09:32

I think they key to saying no to teenagers is to always have a good reason. So when I was 16 and started going to pubs and clubs, may parents didn't agree with it, but let me go so long as I always told them where I was, and came home by an agreed time.

But there were a few occasions where they said no (with good reason, looking back) - like a house party where the parents were away (the house got trashed) and a party in a really ropey private club. I was v v cross at the time, but looking back, they really had the balance right.

But camping in a field at just turned 14 - no. Too much scope for things to get out of control. At least in a club or pub you have other adults around.

JustBeachy · 09/07/2010 09:33

If the boys get drunk and start teasing her I think she would. Good luck with it!

grumblegrumble · 09/07/2010 09:37

Would you leave this group of teenagers in your house, unaccompanied, overnight?

Perhaps that's a good test of how you actually think they'll behave and how responsible they are?

loopyloops · 09/07/2010 09:38

BTW there will be alcohol involved. You can count on that.

MrsSawdust · 09/07/2010 09:41

Don't let her stay overnight. I don't believe it will only be year 8 boys either.

I camped in the back garden with my friend when I was around this age. A much older boy gatecrashed and things got out of hand. Don't really want to say more about that but please stick to your guns.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/07/2010 09:46

You don't have to give excuses or reasons.

You can just stick to your guns - 'you can do this after your GCSEs when you are 16 but not before'

She can weep and wail all she wants, just say it's non negotiable.

DD is not allowed out at the weekends late like this because so many teenagers drink or worse. She doesn't bother asking any more and has accepted it,

MissAnneElk · 09/07/2010 09:52

I wouldn't let her. She has only just turned 14. Dd1 has camped in friends gardens - and in ours. I have no problem with that but not in a random field.

Jacaqueen · 09/07/2010 10:09

Your instincts are telling you no so I would go with that.

There will be fire
There will be drink
There may be drugs
There may be sex

I always tell my son that it is my job to be a parent not to be popular. He can complain and moan as much as he likes I'm not out to be the cool parent but the good (enough) parent.

Merrylegs · 09/07/2010 10:16

I wouldn't let my year 8 boy camp in a field with other year 8s because I know what year 8 boys are like when they get together - mad, basically. So I would keep your DD away! However I would let my year 10 DS do the same because he and his friends are more 'together', ifsywim.

Can they even camp in a random field? Whose field?!

TrillianAstra · 09/07/2010 10:29

I camped in a field in year 8 or 9, there was very little alcohol involved and not much happened. No sex. No drugs. There was fire, of course. Who would camp in a field and not have a fire? We had all been (or still were) Scouts/Guides so we knew what we were doing with a campfire.

Year 8 is 12-13 isn't it anyway, not 14, why would a 14 yr old want to spend time with younger boys? This is a more concerning point IMO.

Original poster
lesley2460 · 09/07/2010 10:31

Yes, you've all convinced me I'm doing the right thing in saying no. And I have no idea whose field it is so they may end up getting into trouble in that way, apart from all the other nightmare scenarios.

I am going to let her stay until 10 and then pick her up from the end of the road - not cool to march in to the party and don't think I'd want to frankly! And if she's plainly 'affected' by anything when I pick her up, then she doesn't even stay that long next time.

I've already said she can have a sleepover in the tent in our garden tomorrow night and have no problem with that - you can't get to our garden without going through the house so there won't be the issue of gatecrashers.

I'm just frankly amazed at all these other parents who allow these type of thingsto happen - have spoken to one girl's mum who said, "You have to trust them a bit," um, no, sorry - I trust her so far and she does have a lot of daytime freedom but this is a step too far

OP posts:
seeyoukay · 09/07/2010 10:37

Its like the Daily Mail editors conference in here.

Not all children drink
Not all are on drugs
Not all drop trouser at the first sign of a cock

Yiesh. How about giving her a little space to be herself and having some trust that she won't mess it up.

Who cares if she's having sex as long as she does it safely.

TrillianAstra · 09/07/2010 10:38

Garden camping sounds like a nice compromise - most girls would probably prefer to be close to a real toilet!

vintage · 09/07/2010 10:48

who cares if she`s having sex? erm I would