Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not allow my 14 year-old DD to go camping?

86 replies

lesley2460 · 09/07/2010 09:14

My DD was 14 last week. About a month ago a load of her friends (mixed) spent a night camping in a field not far from home - we live on the edge of a largish town. I put my foot down and said no, she came home after the barbeque about 10.30 pm and all was well.

Now she's asking me again for the same thing tonight - four 14 year-old girls and a few Year 8 (!!!!) boys camping in a field with no adult supervision whatsoever. I don't think I'd have a minute's sleep if I let her go so have said no again. Of course I am now the uncoolest mum on the planet - although in actual fact my feeling is that the other mums are taking a very lax view on this arrangement.

What does everyone think?

OP posts:
lowenergylightbulb · 09/07/2010 10:50

I have a 14 year old girl and I would be saying no. Camping in a back garden - yes. We used to do that and get giggly on cheap, ropey cider...but in a field somewhere: not. a. chance.

MrsC2010 · 09/07/2010 10:50

Not in a public field I don't think.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/07/2010 10:50

Who cares if she is having sex.

At just turned 14? I would.

There speaks a mother who has no teenagers.

grumblegrumble · 09/07/2010 10:53

Ar 13/14 you have a duty to protect your children. At 16, they have their 'space' and make their mistakes But they are on their way to becoming emotionally mature enough to understand, if not always cope with, the consequences.

I suspect the OP's daughter is pretty naive as to the risks she's exposed to in the situation described. Which is the main reason I'd say no.

TheMoonOnAStick · 09/07/2010 10:53

Nope not here either.

Or well we might, but dh would be in his pop up tent 10feet away

I would most very def care if my 14 yr old ds or dd was having sex. A lot.

sanielle · 09/07/2010 11:04

If you have a group of teenagers alcohol usually gets involved in some way. If you have a mixed group of drunk teenagers sex or pressure to have sex whilst drunk could happen. That won't be safe and won't be with a partner and at 14 would you really not care?

loopyloops · 09/07/2010 11:05

seeyouok I trust you don't have much experience of teenagers?

porcamiseria · 09/07/2010 11:17

nah not at 14, not with BOYS!!! there will be shagging mark my words. 14 is too young, end of

god listen to me!!!

Original poster
lesley2460 · 09/07/2010 11:27

I certainly don't want her having sex at just 14 either! I also don't think it's just the province of Daily Mail readers to care whether their children smoke, drink, take drugs or shag underage! She isn't exactly naive, she's relatively streetwise and I don't mind her having the odd drink at home under my supervision, but this is a whole different ballgame.

OP posts:
FindingMyMojo · 09/07/2010 11:44

as someone who lost her virginity aged 15 in a tent, on the edge of town, I would not be allowing it.

I still feel my parents didn't care nearly enough about my wherabouts as a teenager

vintage · 09/07/2010 11:48

if you let her drink at home under your supervision even more likely she would drink when she is with her friends too and as you said she has only turned 14 so you were giving her alcohol ok not giving letting her have at 13? dont you think shes too young for that as well?

Bewler · 09/07/2010 11:54

Sorry but what fun is camping at that age without booze/drugs/sex/fire being involved? 14 year olds don't want to toast marshmallows and sing "Kumbaya" round a candle. I would say no, even if you trust your DD. I was a pretty sensible kid but peer pressure is a terrible thing.

Original poster
lesley2460 · 09/07/2010 12:00

I don't let her drink at home in the sense that I sit and watch her get legless!!! I just let her have the occasional glass of wine with a meal and don't see a problem with that - in my experience it's often the kids who have never been allowed to do that who tend to go mad when they are faced with alcohol.

OP posts:
loopyloops · 09/07/2010 12:01

I agree with Lesley

vintage · 09/07/2010 12:29

i stand corrected..sorry

Remotew · 09/07/2010 12:43

A group of DD's friends have done this a couple of times. Last year there was an incident when a 15 yrs old girl was unconscious on Vodka and had to be lifted off the hill by mountain rescue to hospital. Poor rescue bloke hurt himself in the process.

I think 14/15 is too young for some of them to cope with that sort of freedom. I would say fine at 16.

sarah293 · 09/07/2010 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrspir8 · 09/07/2010 12:57

I think you are sensible to say no if you feel it's right for your daughter.

I had a job at 14-i'd lied about my age and was working. I was also working with my mum and ran her shop single handedly a lot of the time. I was also sexually active with my Mum's consent and had a steady boyfriend who I was with for the next 4 years. My Mum probably would have let me go and trusted me not to take drugs which I wouldn't have then. However when I was 18 and left for uni that was a different matter-I was a lot less sensible/able to cope then than I was at 14!

Remotew · 09/07/2010 13:02

I never had to say no about this sort of thing as DD didn't want to go. The majority survived a few nights out camping at 14. It's usually one or two who don't know how to control themselves but the consequencies could be tragic.

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 09/07/2010 13:05

No I wouldnt. I remember the pressures of being a teen, even though i was a sensiable one too.
I wouldnt care how uncool i was, and would ahvea sinking feeling maybe some of these paretns dont know the full story.

PeedOffWithNits · 09/07/2010 13:05

I agree with low energy lightbulb - in this situation i would offer DD a few friends to camp in our garden - where we can keep an eye - they can still have all the giggly fun, but no drugs and NO BOYS!

my DD is only 10 BTW and as i look around her class i already wonder who are the ones who will be into boys and drugs in 2 years time.......

PeedOffWithNits · 09/07/2010 13:07

I agree - some of these parents will know and not mind what the kids get up too.

But others have their heads in the sand on this one - there WILL be alcohol, possibly drugs and there may well be pressure to have sex

PeedOffWithNits · 09/07/2010 13:08

that agreement was to lisad123 BTW

PortiaNovmerriment · 09/07/2010 13:25

I would say no too- and I've been flamed on here for being too lax

GypsyMoth · 09/07/2010 13:28

my dd is 13 and she's just packing her stuff now for tomorrows duke of edinburgh expedition...they have to camp,hike and navigat their route themselves. no adult is allowed to speak to them or help them. no money or mobiles allowed either. they are being assessed on this for bronze award. 6 groups of 6 let loose in the countryside.

i'd say arm her with the info you think she needs and trust her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread