to not allow my 14 year-old DD to go camping?

[lesley2460]

My DD was 14 last week. About a month ago a load of her friends (mixed) spent a night camping in a field not far from home - we live on the edge of a largish town. I put my foot down and said no, she came home after the barbeque about 10.30 pm and all was well.

Now she's asking me again for the same thing tonight - four 14 year-old girls and a few Year 8 (!!!!) boys camping in a field with no adult supervision whatsoever. I don't think I'd have a minute's sleep if I let her go so have said no again. Of course I am now the uncoolest mum on the planet - although in actual fact my feeling is that the other mums are taking a very lax view on this arrangement.

What does everyone think?

Ah thanks Peedoff - my recollections of school DofE groups were that it was much smaller groups, and quite a bit more freestyle! Didn't realise they were quite so regimented these days.

I agreethat a 14-yr old who is allowed the odd glass of wine with dinner at home is less likely to go off the rails when they go off to uni than one for whom alcohol is banned.

emmmmmmmmm seeyou kay - last line !!!!!!!!! in case your not aware it;s illegal to have sex at that age !!! so who cares ???? durrr parents, police, social services !!!!!!

I have a cunning plan. Aloow DD to camp at far end of garden with female-only friends. Make spooky noises at midngiht. DD will not want to camp anywhere anymore.

This thread is pointless becaue OP has already decided no. which i am not arguing for or against.
BUT no one has really discussed what happened the last time. Op said they asked a while ago and she said no. and she said she didn't trust the parents last time and thought they were too lax. but are these concerns warranted. they very well maybe.
BUT has OP talked to her dd about what happened last time. talked to the other parents. talked to the other children ?
I suspect not. it may very well be that nothing untoward happened. if something terrible had happened - someone chased with a knife, someone high on vodka airlifted out, surely Op would have heard about it an cited in her posts.... i said no last time and i was right, because LOOK what happened.

but actually this isn't the case is it ?

which IMPLIES that nothing happened at all. and thus you are all over-reacting.

I disagree Oblomov. Thread is not pointless even if OP has decided. Thread is for discussion between everyone who wants to discuss, not just for helping OP to decide.

Thank you all for your posts - never expected so many replies!!

Oblomov, I haven't discussed in detail with the parents of the other kids who went last time - you're probably right in that nothing drastic happened and it was ok - but there again, would they be likely to tell their parents if they'd had sex, smoked dope, got drunk and thrown up? I doubt it! But even if nothing really terrible happened the first time, that doesn't ensure the second or subsequent times will run as smoothly. I still maintain that 14 is too young for this sort of thing and have told DD that, she's accepted it so all is fine.

i was 16 when i first went away with friends camping but i'd had a lot of Guide and DofE experience first so i knew what i was doing with camping and fire and cooking so that even though we did get a little tipsy we were usually pretty sensible with fire and other important things.

i think letting her go for the evening and stay increasingly late and monitoring her sobriety afterwards is a good idea. hopefully when you do decide she can stay over she will not drink any more than she does when you pick her up.

have a y9 dd1, and I'd say no (and I'm generally considered one of the cooler mums ). At this age there usually is alcohol around (so dd1 tells me), and I just think it's asking for trouble. With adult supervision or in someone's back garden is a different matter.