to think DH is taking his atheism a bit too far?

[glassspider]

My son will soon be three years old and happily repeats phrases such as please, thank you, excuse me, when appropriate. When somebody sneezes, he also says "bless you," the way his relatives and most people with whom he has come into contact have said to him in the past.

My husband is an atheist and dislikes any form of religion or celebration of religious belief such as saints days, church ceremonies, anything like that, which I'm fine with. But he is telling our son it is bad to say "bless you" and we always say "gesundheit" instead. Is this not going to cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and bad feeling over a little phrase which will probably be said to him quite a lot throughout his life, and won't kill him?!

I guess if you're going to be an atheist, do it properly and according to what is right for you, just as followers of religions do. I just think small terms found in religion are such a part of life and culture that it will be impossible for DS to avoid them and to try and bar them all from his life will be more bother than it's really worth! AIBU?

MegBusset - Anyway I can't see what possible 'bad feeling' will be caused by not saying 'bless you'.

To clarify, I didn't mean to suggest that not saying "bless you" would cause bad feeling, I just meant that when people inevitably do say to him "bless you!" after he sneezes, he may see this as them being naughty! Which I thought would cause unnecessary confusion!

He is indeed my son too, and even though I'm an atheist, I have always said "Bless you", and don't like being told not to say this - I do anyway tho!

Lancelottie - wow I didn't know that about the word "goodbye" - intersting! If I tell DH this he may well ban that word too!

Actually, I'm with your DH on this. It sounds like he is trying to get your son to think about the words he uses.

In the long term, your son will probably just regard this as his Dad being a bit eccentric.

I think your DH is going to find banning all things derived from Christianity, in this country, very, very difficult:

Christmas, Easter, shrove Tuesday, St George's flag, our school terms are based around the religious the calender and aren't our laws based on the ten commandments too?

YANBU.

Funny, I went through a phase like this in my earlier atheist years..

I still don't actively use most of them but I understand that they have a cultural history and don't have any problem with my children hearing or using them.

I never say Bless you and am an Atheist. However I do say 'oh for God's sake' and 'Jesus Christ on a bike'

I am an atheist but say bless you when someone sneezes, say random crap like 'i swear to god'.

I think it is just absorbotion of regular phrases in the english language, rather than religious indoctrination.

I think for your husnabd to make a fuss about the phrase is unnecessary. If you took away all words/phrases/sayings with religious association you wouldn't have many left!

Your DH is NBU.

I don't say "Bless you", and I don't say "I'll pray for you", or "God be with you" or "Angels on your body", or any of the other weird stuff people say to invoke gods.

And I'll encourage my kids not to say them either, until they know what they mean, and can explain why they're saying it.

Kids are born atheist until someone indoctrinates them.

Your H has a point, but calling it 'naughty' to use a superstitious phrase in conversation is excessive.
We always say 'gesundheit' because that's what my mother always said - in her case she speaks German and liked the word. (SOmeone else mentioned the kid who thought Bleshu was the sound of a sneeze - Gesundheit is similar).

I don't care for (and certainly never say things like 'god bless' or 'god willing' and am mildly put off people who say them to me, but again, I wouldn't ban my DS from saying them.

Oh fgs your DH is being daft. As someone said, is DS not going to be allowed to say "christmas" either? Controlling paranoia of this sort is exactly how the worst kind of religious nutters behave I'm afraid. He needs to lighten up and accept that our words and idioms come from all over, and using them doesn't mean you'll grow up one way or the other (baning them, however, could push your DS towards religion).

I'm as atheist as they come and I say bless you, bless, "I'm blessed", OMFG and lordy christ on a bike etc etc.

i am an atheist born of atheist parents and grandparents. none of us have been christened, or been to a church more that twice in our lives.

i say bless you without a second thought- my view, if pushed would be that this is a harmless ancient phrase meant to wish someone well.

i also throughly enjoy christmas- singing hymns to the sally army band on christmas eve, trees, card and presents. i eat hot cross buns and buy easter eggs. Call me shallow but the enjoyment that i got out of all of this as a kid made me want my kids to have the same experience.

i dont think your other half is being unreasonable but he is going to end up as the fun police

How very odd. I'm an atheist in the technical sense (i.e. I don't believe in gods etc) but I find it very hard to understand this hardcore atheist attitude. It sounds just like the indoctrination/brainwashing you get in some of the more extreme religions. Surely we should live and let live, teaching our children that they have a choice between following a religion or not? And that nothing awful will happen to them if they're not religious but (shock horror) utter a word or phrase with religious origins?

YANBU

I am as atheist as you can et but saying bless you wouldn't bother me. I don't say it myself but it wouldn't bother me if a child said it.

He is being OTT.

There's a difference between saying "bless you" (meaning, I hope the evil spirit you've expelled is sufficiently exorcised by God) and saying "happy Christmas" (I hope you enjoy the holiday and get lots of nice presents).

I'll pray for him

I'm an atheist as is dh - neither of us say bless you - it just sounds so twee to my ears, but it wouldn't bother me if my kids said it - I just wouldn't say it back. I'm sure the teenage years will give me more challenging language to consider.

People on Mumsets in particular seem to get very pedantic over language - check out the don't say what say pardon thread (and many others)...where people were incredibly annoyed by the children saying toilet rather than lav or pardon rather than what.

Parents have always forced their opinions on kids - it's part of our job - except of course those saintly ones who do every thing right, never force an opinion, never raise a vioce, never critisize. (or so they think)

i'm atheist. to my ears 'bless you' has no religious significance, especially after a sneeze.

similarly when a toddler says something sweet people sometimes say 'bless', and that doesn't seem religious - to me.

I don't like it particularly when someone says 'god bless', but - you know - atheist have to accept that other people believe in god, and get used to it. otherwise life is going to be a long slog.

people also beleive in horoscopes, acupuncture, cranial osteopathy, reflexology, healing crystals, anthropic global warming and lay lines. people believe in lots of stuff.

as regarding children: I would be very disappointed if my children became religious. Luckily there is no sign of it yet, despite some very determined indoctrination in the (non-church!) primary school they went to.

There's alot of athiests around

God bless the lot of you.

Well I'm a pagan and I say Bless you. It's not a religious comment, it's a common use of a phrase that began as a religious blessing and has now become part of the common language.

Would he like to rename the months and days that are named after Gods? Then he'd have to ban January, February and March, May and June, and every single day of the week. They are all named after ancient Norse or Roman gods, or pagan holidays.

Atheism is fine, but like any belief, should not be taken to extremes. Live and let live, you know.

What is 'extreme' atheism? Believing in no gods at all? that's just regular atheism.

(if atheism is a belief, then not collecting stamps is a hobby)

Oh dear, this reminds me of when I was little and it had become very 'uncool' amongst us kids to say 'Thank You' - instead, the cool thing was to say 'thanks'.

So I was changing for ballet class and one of the other girls gave me a Chewit and I said 'thanks'. My mum (a stickler for manners) made me go back over to the girl and say 'thank you very much for the sweet'.

I was mortified and the other girls thought I was a weirdo.

So anyway, why is your DH trying to make your child stick out? It's so unnecessary. I'm an atheist and I say 'Bless You' when people sneeze. Buy your DH a book on the history of the English language so he can see how interesting it will be for your son to know - historically - where words and phrases come from, even if he doesn't have to believe in the original religious intentions behind them.

Besides, your DH is not an atheist, but obviously a Pagan as he must still observe the religious days of Wodin's Day, Thor's Day and Freia's Day!

If you say "Gesundheit" aren't you turning to superstition, if you say it each time someone sneezes?

Atheism is a belief that there is no God, isn't it stubbornhubby?

Am v happy to find so many atheists in one place!

Gosh, DH does take this seriously! Does he not celebrate Christmas/Easter etc?

Sorry if I've missed your reply to this - only had time to scan read the posts since your OP.

I'm an atheist too but I don't really see any need to over-think it. Why stop doing/saying things which I like (e.g. eat Christmas cake and easter eggs ) when really they've just become part of this culture rather than a direct line to God!

I always say 'Bless you' when someone sneezes - just see it as polite really. I get quite annoyed if DH doesn't say it when I sneeze - particularly cos he's one of those multiple sneezers so I end up saying it about 5 times to him per sneezing session!

OP your DH is overthinking things. Christianity and pagan influences are firmly embedded in english culture and language. He would need to censor a lot of words to make his language completely free of these influences.

I think it's a bit naughty for your DH to say "it's bad to say bless you". It's not bad, it's just that some people believe differently than others and preschool/school will be teaching as such. We (even as atheists) should be learning to appreciate all beliefs and by blinkering your ds into thinking some beliefs are bad, isn't teaching him to be inclusive IYSWIM?

I'm an atheist and I say bless you, oh my god and Jesus Christ (when I stub my toe etc) and yet, I say them as words, not as religious words with religious meaning.

I try nbot to say "oh my god" if I can help purely as I think it could offend/upset some people so try to use "oh my goodness" if I remember.