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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I caught my husband

80 replies

Glendan · 07/07/2010 00:04

Taking undergarments from next doors washing line!

He didn't know that i saw him doing it, but i was upstairs doing the washing and saw him from the window. It was on the complete off chance and i am distraught.

Am i being unreasonable in wanting to confront him and basically humiliate him about it?

Im really worried about him.

It really knocked me for six.

OP posts:
happilyeverafter · 07/07/2010 00:07

Mens or ladies?

Any chance it's a practical joke? Or he was helping them get washing in hopeful emoticon

booyhoo · 07/07/2010 00:07

why would you want to humiliate him?

surely you would just ask him why he feels he needs to steal underwear? it sounds like he is keeping a fetish or something similar from you. hearing that you want to humiliate him, i can understand why he hasn't told you.

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 00:10

ladies.

Booyhoo I don't want to humiliate him, but confronting him would do so.

He is very meek and shy, i think it would really hurt him to have a go at him about it.

But its terrible what i saw him doing, what if he has been doing it for ages ?

OP posts:
booyhoo · 07/07/2010 00:14

ok, i misunderstood that then?

i think you should at least tell him you saw him doing it and that you think he shouldn't have as it is stealing. then maybe he will open up and tell you what it is all about.

Ryuk · 07/07/2010 00:15

Maybe try to make it clear that you're not judging him, but would like to know if it's something he's been doing a lot, and would like to understand why he did it? Then see if it's a need that can be filled some other way?

williewalshsballs · 07/07/2010 00:16

message deleted by bumsnet

chickenlittlee · 07/07/2010 00:17

You have questions and the only way to find an answer to them is to ask him. He may have a weird fetish and being his wife, it's your right to know. It maybe slighty embarrassing to begin with, but the trick is how you confront him. Hold your horses and be calm when you ask him. Make him understand that you are willing to help, if he needs it. Who knows, maybe that'll help him open up to you about this incident.

PortiaNovmerriment · 07/07/2010 00:19

It sounds like you want to hang him out to dry...

williewalshsballs · 07/07/2010 00:21

you're too funny bof

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 00:22

@ Ryuk

But i have 3 children.

We have been married 18 years, this is the first time i have ever seen him do something like this,

What if he has been doing it the whole time we have been together.

It has made me feel like i was a teenager not in control.

I really want to make sure that i handle this correctly,especially for the kids.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 07/07/2010 00:22

bof?

loverlaff · 07/07/2010 00:25

Talking to him, the right idea. I mean, you have to find out why he's doing this, what's making him tick this way?

PortiaNovmerriment · 07/07/2010 00:33

Yes?

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 00:34

Its a pun

But its literally breaking my heart

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:36

huh?

MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:37

ahh she meant booy? yes?

hi booy, up late again i see

glendan, you need to talk to him, we can't really help you until you've asked him about it

MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:39

hmm, portia made me laugh

loverlaff · 07/07/2010 00:39

Maybe you lingerie department needs a revamp.
Take out the trash, whip in the tinsle?

MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:39

obv i meant excees

MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:40

no, really i meant excess

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 00:40

I just REALLY do not want my husband of 18 years doing these things.

What do i honestly do ?

Confront him and he might leave

Leave him and it could escalate into something worse

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:40
MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:41

hmm, why would you think he would leave over this? really?

its not ideal but you need to find out his reasoning before you act

williewalshsballs · 07/07/2010 00:42

it depends what he did with them. has he been wearing them? what colour were they?

MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:43

[snurk] lover