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AIBU?

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Original poster

I caught my husband

80 replies

Glendan · 07/07/2010 00:04

Taking undergarments from next doors washing line!

He didn't know that i saw him doing it, but i was upstairs doing the washing and saw him from the window. It was on the complete off chance and i am distraught.

Am i being unreasonable in wanting to confront him and basically humiliate him about it?

Im really worried about him.

It really knocked me for six.

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 00:43

colour like it would be ok if they were blue?

PortiaNovmerriment · 07/07/2010 00:44

Look, to attempt to take this seriously for a moment, of course you need to speak to him. You can remain calm but just say that you saw him, and that he has to make sure that it never happens again as it is illegal and will get him into a whole heap of trouble. Then ask him if he has anything he wants to talk to you about.

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 00:48

@ PortiaNovmerriment

I am really worried that it may be more serious.

This is 18 years of bliss shattered by catching my husband doing something abhorrent.

OP posts:
loverlaff · 07/07/2010 00:49

He might want them as a present for you, but is too stingy to buy them.

williewalshsballs · 07/07/2010 00:50

ok. have to go sleep. op. please post some picks so that we can advise on the morrow. unlike mrsrhett no wine here but have this picture going through my mind.

don't open if of a sensitive disposition

rewardgirl · 07/07/2010 00:51

OP - don't overthink and catastrophise all this until you've spoken to him. If this is the first time you've seen him, it may well be the first time he's done it. Who knows. Try to have a calm chat with him about it and offer support - that way he's more likely to be honest with you about it.
I understand you're shocked and rightly so! But going in all guns blazing won't help at all...
Good luck - and keep us informed.

blinks · 07/07/2010 00:53

cripes.

it obviously stokes his fire.

on one hand, most people have got something they probably wouldn't want to share, but on the other hand, he's stepped over a line.

i think organising a babysitter and having a sit down talk about it would be the best approach... i would feel very let down if i discovered my husband had been doing this so forgive yourself for wanting to lay into him.

it wouldn't achieve much by screaming and shouting but i'd take it seriously. maybe try writing down how you feel to organise your thoughts first.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/07/2010 00:54

Why would he leave? Are you worried that he'll say yes, you're right, I'm actually a pantie-sniffer who likes dressing up in women's clothes and also I am gay and always have been, thank god you've caught me, I feel so much cleaner with this in the open, bye?

I genuinely don't understand what you are projecting forwards here.

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 01:01

@ PortiaNovmerriment

I am really worried that it may be more serious.

This is 18 years of bliss shattered by catching my husband doing something abhorrent.

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 01:05

portia

i'm too drunk merry to know better, but its a laff isn't it!

blinks · 07/07/2010 01:08

how would you ohsocasual folk respond if it was your skitty knickers getting pinched off the line?

would you be so dismissive then?

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 01:15

agree with Blinks

Thanks alot guys for the support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/07/2010 01:18

I'm trying to be supportive (and I'm completely sober, it's 9.40am here). I'm just confused. What are you thinking the issue is here - that he's dressing in women's knickers, that he's sniffing them, that he's stealing? What do you think will happen if you confront him?

Dinkytinky · 07/07/2010 01:20

Leave op alone, I don't think it's funny and taking the piss is really hurtful

Glendan - you do really need to talk to him- I echo another post, book a baby sitter and go out for a long long walk so he doesn't feel backed into a corner. It is very very wrong of your husband though, I think if the neighbour realises what's going on she will feel very violated. Stay calm and just say exactly what you saw and leave him to reply.

If it is a sexual thing, I don't think it can be stopped tbh, you seem like a very nice lady and perhaps he thought you would leave if you found out?

Then again, I don't think it is sexual- they are clean knickers, so the only thing he would be smelling is washing powder. Can you check his Internet history for any clues?

RespectTheDoughnut · 07/07/2010 01:20

Portia, I only just got your name

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 01:25

If it is a sexual thing, I don't think it can be stopped tbh, you seem like a very nice lady and perhaps he thought you would leave if you found out

Basically this, but more that im worried he would leave.

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 01:28

truly sorry glendan, i am actually quite drunk and shouldn't be laughing...

honestly why do you think he would leave? it must be more than just this?

MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 01:30

blinks... i would rather be having them pinched than going through what the op is

apologies again glendan

bellesbelle · 07/07/2010 01:33

this is why i dont leave my knickers out on line!!!

Original poster
Glendan · 07/07/2010 01:33

thanks alot.

I much more of a mousey kind of girl.

I really would rather avoid all of this,

OP posts:
Jaquelinehyde · 07/07/2010 01:50

Do you have a birthday or special occasion coming up soon?

This credit crunch does strange things to people you know.

MrsRhettButler · 07/07/2010 01:52

in all honesty op, i don't know what i would do... probably ignore ignore ignore and pretend i didn't see!

but that is not good advice

Ryuk · 07/07/2010 02:15

"This is 18 years of bliss shattered by catching my husband doing something abhorrent. "

I'm sorry that you feel that way. Although if he's also had 18 years of bliss, do you really think he'll want to just throw it away and leave?

It won't be a pleasant conversation for you, or probably for him either, but I do think it will help if you try to calmly talk about it. Focus on asking questions and trying to understand where he's coming from, then possibly take a break, maybe have another rant on here or to a close friend, then try to talk to him about how you feel. You'll be upset either way but I strongly recommend taking a break if you can between the two conversations, as going straight into how you feel without more time to process could make things even harder to talk about.

It's a risk to bring it up, but if you leave it I think there's a chance it'll just grow into a background cause of stress for you.

missmelly · 07/07/2010 02:24

i think you should ask him about it. And return the underwear. Imagine the poor woman next door wondering where all her frillies are disappearing to

SloanyPony · 07/07/2010 06:57

I hope its not a sexual thing - stealing ladies underwear off the washing line is called "snow dropping" and I read somewhere that it is a behaviour that is common in rapists. Its a bit like getting a trophy but before the crime, not after.

I dont mean to alarm you OP and its by no means always the case and I'm sure its nothing as sinister as that with your DH.

Ideally it would be a credit crunch thing and they'll turn up nicely wrapped for you for your anniversary (!)

Or that he wants to wear them himself and is too embarrased to buy some for himself - is the lady next door more his size? (I'm being serious here by the way - its common enough for men to want to wear ladies stuff occasionally, and its very hard to broach with their partners and its always the quiet ones)

I would be suitably alarmed if I saw similar, so you have my sympathies, assuming you are not a troll (and I always give the benefit of the doubt)