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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my kids play on the trampoline in our own garden?!

61 replies

Barmymummy · 05/07/2010 15:34

Hi everyone, am sat here quite upset and could do with some advice.

I have 2 lovely kids DD 7 & DS 5. DS has some SN (on the autistic spectrum) and I am the first to say he is fairly loud. Part of his SN is that he is simply unable to moderate the volume of his voice an I am not joking. School have the same problem etc, he's absolutely lovely, just a tad loud sometimes and hard as he tries he cant help reverting back to being louder than normal. He also has alot of pent up energy that needs getting out! He does swimming classes, football club and we also get him regularly to the park to play tennis, down the beach, to the park etc etc.

Anyway. For his birthday a month ago we bought him and his sister between them a small trampoline for our garden. Our garden is small (as is everyone elses round here and the houses are quite tightly packed together) and a result they have a single swing to play on and a slide. We found they weren't out there all that much as there wasn't anything very physical for them to do, hence the trampoline. Its been a huge hit and the kids adore it. Its wonderful to see them go out there and laugh and have a fab time whilst burning off that excess energy. No more "we are bored" either! All was great until today....INSET DAY!

Kids are out there and I confess DS was his usual vocal self (laughing loudly and making his unusual noises that a child with autism sometimes makes) and suddenly I hear a voice from behind the fence at the bottom of the garden telling them to be quiet.

I was quite shocked so went down there to talk to them and basically he says that he is 80 years old (so is his neighbour apparently) and they all need their rest in the afternoons. They dont like the noise the trampoline makes nor the noise the kids make. I was so gobsmacked I was didn't know what to say. To be fair he was quite polite about it and so was I but he wants me to either seperate the kids so they play out there one at a time or to allow them out at set times!!!!!

Now bearing in mind both kids are at school til 3pm everyday I would say the kids are out there for a max of about half hour at a time (they are too pooped to do much more!) maybe twice in an afternoon/eve after school and a bit more often than that at weekends and days off school. I am a good, honest, considerate person and I HATE upsetting people, have always been the do-gooder. So this is sitting very uncomfortably with me.

AIBU to let me kids out to play on the trampoline? I am frequently telling them to keep their voices down but as most kids do they forget quickly! Should I limit their time in the garden? WWYD?

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 05/07/2010 15:40

Honestly? I'd just let it wash over me and ignore it totally. They are doing nothing wrong. I can see how much it upsets you, and you are a wondeful neighbour to want to try and accomodate this man, but I think your children are allowed to play in their own garden in the daytime. Your son has particular issues (which, btw, you are not obligated to explain to the man) but that has no bearing on his right to play in his own garden in the course of a normal day. As for separating them or only at set times - I'm sorry but that's just rot. Don't even think about it.

2blessed2bstressed · 05/07/2010 15:46

My ds (also autistic) loooves his trampoline more than anything else, and it is fantastic at using up all the "extra" energy he has - his physiotherapist recommends trampolining as a way of srengthening his core stability, improving his muscle tone, and helping his balance. Although you don't owe your neighbour any explanation (imo yanbu anyway, and sn child shouldn't come into it)perhaps they would be less condemning if you told them all that?

BeerTricksPotter · 05/07/2010 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsHarkness · 05/07/2010 15:52

Of course you should not limit their time in the garden, the kids are enjoying it, and so they should. If it was early morning or late evening then maybe the neighbour would have a point but mid afternoon, tough! My parents are both in their late 80's, my dad being almost 90, and he loves sitting in his back garden listening to the neighbours kids enjoying themselves, to be honest if he was allowed he'd have a go on the trampoline himself! He says hearing the kids play takes him back to his youth and makes him feel young again, so they are not doing any harm!

Original poster
Barmymummy · 05/07/2010 15:53

Thanks ladies. 2blessed, sadly it was the first thing I said to him as I felt the need to defend DS which is silly I know. He said he felt very sorry for me having an autistic child and he once knew someone with autism (say no more!) but at the end of the day it didn't really affect what he thought.

Am now sat hiding inside as is DS....this is flippin daft

OP posts:
shockers · 05/07/2010 15:54

I agree with 2blessed... I would give him a brief lowdown of your child's needs and offer to make sure he gets a little 'rest time' during the holidays. During term time, I would suggest that maybe he rests while your DC are at school.

Prosecco · 05/07/2010 15:54

No- yanbu.

I am very conscious of the noise my kids make but unless they are screaming constantly and it is unbearable to listen to, then it is noise to be expected when you live near others.

Ask yourself this question- if he was to mow his lawn for the same amnount of time as your kids are on the trampoline, would you feel you had valid reason to object or would you consider it part and parcel of living around others?

Original poster
Barmymummy · 05/07/2010 15:56

Should also say that I emphasised to him that I didn't allow them out in the garden before 10am on Sundays nor before school in the week. Both are in the bath by 7pm every night so he gets all day til 3pm at least and theres rarely any noise after 7pm.

Just hate all this horrible feeling

Thanks for your support anyway, means alot

OP posts:
malovitt · 05/07/2010 15:57

You sound like a lovely person op, and if your children are outside as infrequently as you say then I don't see a problem.

My neighbours have a trampoline and their children are sometimes on it all weekend and until 10pm at night and their shrieking, squealing and shouting is pretty unbearable for me at times tbh. I can't have any windows/french doors open or I can't hear the TV, radio or read a book.
Went round a bit tearfully one evening and they were horrified and really apologetic - it's got a bit better now but I dread weekends and school home times when the weather is fine.
So I have a bit of sympathy for your neighbours...

Original poster
Barmymummy · 05/07/2010 15:59

Thanks Shockers, our posts crossed, but yes I did tell him about DS's SN. If he mentions it again I think that's a good idea for the summer hols that I agree to a 'window' of peace. Bet the other local kids are noisy then

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 05/07/2010 16:00

It really annoys me when people give other people a hard time for using their own garden. OK, yes, maybe the kids were a bit loud, but so what? Your children are at home, in their own garden, end of story. Plus, it sounds like you are very considerate with regards the amount of time you allow them in the garden.

Re your neighbour getting some rest, I'm assuming he's retired (by the age, description, etc.) frankly every day is a rest to them, so I really wouldn't put that much thought into the idea you've upset them. Sorry, I don't mean to OAP bash.

diamondsandtiaras · 05/07/2010 16:00

Ignore it.......as long as you're not doing anything unreasonable like letting them play out at 6am or 10pm, then your neighbours can't object at all IMO. It's your garden and it's a free country. If the older generation want an afternoon nap in peace they could buy ear plugs!

Original poster
Barmymummy · 05/07/2010 16:02

Malovitt - exactly, I understand completely. You are useful to talk to! So, what could your neighbours do that would help you? Less time out there? Still use the trampoline but keep voices quieter? Would be grateful for your opinion

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/07/2010 16:05

My view on here is alway shouted down on here but it remains the same, sod them!

YOUR kids in YOUR garden, ITS UP TO YOU!

I think your neighbour is very rude, would you take this unsolicited advice on other areas of your parenting from this old man??? i very much doubt it, so why on this?

Let them play.

Original poster
Barmymummy · 05/07/2010 16:05

When I said to him that there was 6 weeks coming up he said "I know and I am frazzled with worry about it".....guilt or what?

OP posts:
DrunkenDaisy · 05/07/2010 16:06

If he was polite about it, I don't see what the problem is.

If noise from your neighbours is really disturbing you, why shouldn't you be able to politely ask to keep quiet - whether it's the telly on too loud or music or kids.

Sorry i think YABU, noisy kids would do my head in adn i wouldn't allow my DD to distrub others like that.

Original poster
Barmymummy · 05/07/2010 16:07

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply btw, much appreciated

OP posts:
MumInBeds · 05/07/2010 16:07

Ask them if they are interested in moving to Firhall Village

mowbraygirl · 05/07/2010 16:07

YANBU Ignore the old duffer where does he have his afternoon nap then down at the end of the garden? He would certainly have something to complain about if he had a family that played loud music day and night, but two little ones enjoying themselves on a trampoline. I like to hear children playing outside obviously having fun and I am sure it will do your DS good being able to work off some of his energy. Do not restrict their time or make them play seperately they are children let them enjoy themselves, and as I said IGNORE IGNORE.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/07/2010 16:08

OP, is your old neighbout the cunt who lives upstairs to me? Her latest (and hopefully last) gripe was that DD sang too loudly in the bath. How she can hear is beyond me. Let your children be children, they are loud - special needs or not.
DD is looking forward mightily to getting her trampoline when we move.

2blessed2bstressed · 05/07/2010 16:11

Oh he said what now?? Flaming cheek! Didn't realise you'd eplained about ds's sn already. Now I'm agreeing with BabyDubs - YOUR kids, YOUR garden. And for what it's worth, you're being very kind about him - I'd be much less understanding!

pagwatch · 05/07/2010 16:13

To be honest OP you need to get over it.

As long as you call the children in at a decent time in the evening, and they are not directing anything at your neighbours , it is not unreasonable that a person with children will let them play in the garden.

I have a son with ASD too. He is very quiet but used to do much of his trampolining naked . The neighbours have to put up with it I am afraid.

Try to work with your son about his volume ( as I am sure you are already). Having this situation could be used to talk to him about how other people can be grumpy when he is too loud.

But you will need to get used to your son attracting comment from others . You need to develop a bit of a tough skin about it or you will find you start to hibernate - which is not good for you or your children.

I would be very polite to this man, assure him that I will do all I can to help minimise the noise they make and carry on exactly as I was.

ApocalypseCheese · 05/07/2010 16:22

Ignore the old duffer,i'm sure when he was a lad they played silently and only for 5 minutes after tea if they were good

Regarding the noise,I made a stop sign for dd (also asd) for when the volume was getting out of hand, mainly because people can be mean, she's getting older and is aware she's getting laughed at, I use it as a visual aid and it does work.

Maybe worth a try, tho personally i'd ignore the auld misery and let your son make as much noise as he wants in his own space

ApocalypseCheese · 05/07/2010 16:25

And stop mooching indoors, I order you to get your bumcheeks out that door right now ! Pagwatch is totally right, you really do need to develop a rhino hide

HarveysFurniture · 05/07/2010 16:27

It sounds like you have fantastic children, I don't think you have anything to worry about to be honest.

Liz

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