to let my kids play on the trampoline in our own garden?!

[Barmymummy]

Hi everyone, am sat here quite upset and could do with some advice.

I have 2 lovely kids DD 7 & DS 5. DS has some SN (on the autistic spectrum) and I am the first to say he is fairly loud. Part of his SN is that he is simply unable to moderate the volume of his voice an I am not joking. School have the same problem etc, he's absolutely lovely, just a tad loud sometimes and hard as he tries he cant help reverting back to being louder than normal. He also has alot of pent up energy that needs getting out! He does swimming classes, football club and we also get him regularly to the park to play tennis, down the beach, to the park etc etc.

Anyway. For his birthday a month ago we bought him and his sister between them a small trampoline for our garden. Our garden is small (as is everyone elses round here and the houses are quite tightly packed together) and a result they have a single swing to play on and a slide. We found they weren't out there all that much as there wasn't anything very physical for them to do, hence the trampoline. Its been a huge hit and the kids adore it. Its wonderful to see them go out there and laugh and have a fab time whilst burning off that excess energy. No more "we are bored" either! All was great until today....INSET DAY!

Kids are out there and I confess DS was his usual vocal self (laughing loudly and making his unusual noises that a child with autism sometimes makes) and suddenly I hear a voice from behind the fence at the bottom of the garden telling them to be quiet.

I was quite shocked so went down there to talk to them and basically he says that he is 80 years old (so is his neighbour apparently) and they all need their rest in the afternoons. They dont like the noise the trampoline makes nor the noise the kids make. I was so gobsmacked I was didn't know what to say. To be fair he was quite polite about it and so was I but he wants me to either seperate the kids so they play out there one at a time or to allow them out at set times!!!!!

Now bearing in mind both kids are at school til 3pm everyday I would say the kids are out there for a max of about half hour at a time (they are too pooped to do much more!) maybe twice in an afternoon/eve after school and a bit more often than that at weekends and days off school. I am a good, honest, considerate person and I HATE upsetting people, have always been the do-gooder. So this is sitting very uncomfortably with me.

AIBU to let me kids out to play on the trampoline? I am frequently telling them to keep their voices down but as most kids do they forget quickly! Should I limit their time in the garden? WWYD?

i think a bit of understanding on both sides is called for here, our neighbours dc are little and loud, my dd is 18 and loud - i have no problem with nextdoor asking for the volume to be turned down at dcs bedtime - they understand that sometimes i will say that i would like a quiet sunday afternoon snooze in the garden without having to keep throwing balls back over or having them screaming blue murder for hours.

perhaps invite the neighbours over for a cup of tea in the garden, imo, it helps to promote respect on both sides - the elderly and children should not view each other as aliens/duffers/bores/little sods etc.

In your position, I would be willing to negotiate a little - and say that over the summer holidays you'd be happy to keep them in between 12 and 2, and not have them out before 9am, and in for dinner at 5pm. Its sort of like sharing out the day so they can make use of peace and quiet and times and you can make use of the garden at times.

Its more than you are legally obliged to do, as far as I am aware - due to the hours you have mentioned and the fact that its not antisocial type noise (like revving cars or distressed dogs etc) I should think they'd consider that reasonable. If not, that's not really your problem, because you have been more than willing to compromise.

Be careful about putting it in writing, try and do it face to face simply because when you come to sell the house (if you are not renting that is) you actually have to declare any disputes that have been put in writing with neighbours. I think this might count as that but correct me if I'm wrong, legal boffins.

Also, try and take a step back emotionally and dont dwell on him making a big deal about it and saying he's dreading the summer or whatever - he's milking it a bit, try and be a bit pragmatic about it and see it as a simple equasion that needs balancing up a bit. Nobody is getting hurt, in the overall scheme of things, there are much worse things that could be going on that are not legal, so by all means consider him but also remind yourself that you are just trying to bring up your children in the best way you know how and that sometimes, that's not going to sit well with some people but as long as you are not doing it with complete disregard and are willing to negotiate then it is them that are being unreasonable, not you.

I agree with lots of others here - your dc have a right to play outdoors and your neighbour has an equal right to some quiet time.

I think the way forward is to go round and work out a compromise that will make everyone happy. You sound like a lovely neighbour, so hopefully he'll be understanding.

Good luck!

Send him some earplugs. It's the same as being on an airplane--if people want to have quiet, they need to wear earplugs or pay for a private jet. If he wants perfect peace, he needs to move out to the middle of nowhere.

Wow lots of replies, thankyou!

Well, kids came home from school today & I had a good chat with them about making loud unneccessary shouting etc. We have devised a signal for DS that means he's being too loud & he needs to stop. DD is also using it at him & it seems to be working so far. They have been out there for maybe a total of about 45 mins on and off and whilst i cant stop the springs noise the kids were really good at trying to stay quiet. Did feel bad when DD asked if they were allowed to laugh! Anyway, i felt we did our best to keep the noise down & will try to keep it that way. Thanks for all the replies!

Sorry if this is mentioned above, but have you tried WD40 on the springs?

YANBU. It's the middle of the day and your own garden, for cryin out loud! Let 'em jump.

My girls have just got a trampoline and neither of them have SN. They are as loud as you can get on their trampoline - screaming and shrieking. I would not take any notice of anyone who complains - they are children having fun. The alternative would be me saying no playing on the trampoline and they'd be screaming and crying - I know which I would prefer to hear....

We have an old peoples home next door and have not had any complaints from them so I think your neighbour is being very unreasonable.

I agree with you ChippingIn. If he came to talk to you it would be a bit strange to send him a note.

It can be very tricky finding a happy compromise between you and your neighbour, but organising times is definitely a good choice.

Are they usually easy to control when they're in the house?

Liz

YANBU, if you check out the noise section of your local council's website, you will see that children playing during normal daylight hours is considered reasonable and normal and can't be complained about. They are not playing out before breakfast or late into the night, we are talking mid-afternoon here, which is precisely when children do/should be playing outside.

Whether or not he likes it, he can't actually do anything about it and would be told as much if he ever did try to complain.

He was a child once too and I'm sure he played outside without so much as a thought for his neighbours.

Children have enough restrictions put on them these days, without being told they can't play in their own gardens, fgs.

I feel very strongly about this, as when my Mum and Dad split up we moved away from our semi-rural house with a huge garden to a flat in a block with lots of elderly residents. We had to be quiet in the flat all day every day, so soon after we moved in we went outside to play, only to be literally chased-off by a grumpy old man and woman that lived in the ground floor flat of the neighbouring block. We weren't even being particularly noisy, just riding our bikes around the carpark. It had a huge negative effect on us - we never went out to play again (and we lived there for 4 and a half years).

You sound like a lovely Mum and a really good neighbour, but some people will never be satisfied no matter how much you try to take them into consideration.

Let your children be children, playing in the garden is one of the simple joys of being a child and if he's forgotten that, then its his sad loss and not your problem.

As for organising times, I think the times you allow them to play out are already perfectly reasonable. As you said he has all day when they are at school and all evening/night to rest. As long as they aren't jumping on the trampoline all day every day during the holidays you/they are doing nothing wrong.

Fwiw I would be hiding indoors after a confrontation like that as well, but really the only way to move on is to go out there and stand your ground.

Well a couple of days have passed...how's it going? I did a little research i.e. went and asked own elderly neighbours, and my own parents - and was told by both sets that they actually like hearing children playing outside and enjoying themselves! My mum said that she sees ds1's face look totally different as he genuinely laughs with delight when he's jumping on the trampoline and that to her means so much more than "peace and quiet". Neighbour also added that children were safe in garden and chatted to him through fence, which he loved. Guess I'm just lucky! Hope you've managed to have another chat with your neighbour and reached an amicable agreement x