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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my kids play on the trampoline in our own garden?!

61 replies

Barmymummy · 05/07/2010 15:34

Hi everyone, am sat here quite upset and could do with some advice.

I have 2 lovely kids DD 7 & DS 5. DS has some SN (on the autistic spectrum) and I am the first to say he is fairly loud. Part of his SN is that he is simply unable to moderate the volume of his voice an I am not joking. School have the same problem etc, he's absolutely lovely, just a tad loud sometimes and hard as he tries he cant help reverting back to being louder than normal. He also has alot of pent up energy that needs getting out! He does swimming classes, football club and we also get him regularly to the park to play tennis, down the beach, to the park etc etc.

Anyway. For his birthday a month ago we bought him and his sister between them a small trampoline for our garden. Our garden is small (as is everyone elses round here and the houses are quite tightly packed together) and a result they have a single swing to play on and a slide. We found they weren't out there all that much as there wasn't anything very physical for them to do, hence the trampoline. Its been a huge hit and the kids adore it. Its wonderful to see them go out there and laugh and have a fab time whilst burning off that excess energy. No more "we are bored" either! All was great until today....INSET DAY!

Kids are out there and I confess DS was his usual vocal self (laughing loudly and making his unusual noises that a child with autism sometimes makes) and suddenly I hear a voice from behind the fence at the bottom of the garden telling them to be quiet.

I was quite shocked so went down there to talk to them and basically he says that he is 80 years old (so is his neighbour apparently) and they all need their rest in the afternoons. They dont like the noise the trampoline makes nor the noise the kids make. I was so gobsmacked I was didn't know what to say. To be fair he was quite polite about it and so was I but he wants me to either seperate the kids so they play out there one at a time or to allow them out at set times!!!!!

Now bearing in mind both kids are at school til 3pm everyday I would say the kids are out there for a max of about half hour at a time (they are too pooped to do much more!) maybe twice in an afternoon/eve after school and a bit more often than that at weekends and days off school. I am a good, honest, considerate person and I HATE upsetting people, have always been the do-gooder. So this is sitting very uncomfortably with me.

AIBU to let me kids out to play on the trampoline? I am frequently telling them to keep their voices down but as most kids do they forget quickly! Should I limit their time in the garden? WWYD?

OP posts:
InmyheadIminParis · 05/07/2010 16:27

YANB unreasonable at all, but much older people do sometimes get easily upset over things like this, especially if they're more or less house-bound. Once they've allowed a noise to get under their skin they'll be thinking about it morning, noon and night.

Did you go round to his house to talk to him, or were you talking over the fence? If you didn't go round, why don't you pop over with your DCs. Introduce yourselves and explain how much your children love their new trampoline. Invite the neighbour over to watch them playing on it. Tell your neighbour that the DCs will probably only be playing on it after school for a couple of hours max each day, and also during the day when it's the school holidays. Say they will be playing on it together, and there will be some and days when they play on it a lot, other days not so much.

That way he can think of you as a neighbour with a name, face and family. You're no longer just a 'noise nuisance' over the fence. They'll expect to hear the noise and so it might not bother them so much. They'll also be reassured that it won't go on all evening and night.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/07/2010 16:37

YANBU. As already pointed out, your elderly neighbours have all day every day to rest and they cannot expect no noise from neighbours if the houses are tightly packed together. The times when your DC play in the garden is fairly restricted and very reasonable.

Should he bring the subject up again, perhaps think about asking how/where he played when he was a boy. In the street? Kicking a ball against a wall? Ringing the bell and running away . Gently remind him of such things and he may back off a little.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/07/2010 16:47

Perhaps you could find out when his (your neighbour's) usual naptime is, and agree to keep the DC indoors at that time?

TheFruitWhisperer · 05/07/2010 16:51

YABU to even have a trampoline... but only because next doors little boy jumped higher than our fence on his, and saw me bare breasted in the kitchen!!!

His face was more confused with every jump...

shockers · 05/07/2010 17:00

He might be blaming all child noise on your poor DCs without realising that some of it is from other gardens....

ErnestTheBavarian · 05/07/2010 17:24

In Switzerland and Germany, they are very hot on quiet time. So you're no allowed to mow the lawn on a Sunday or do anything noisy, no diy etc on a Sunday, early (say before 8), late (after 8) or over lunch (12 till 2).

It sounds like you are providing this much quiet time and more.

If he says anything else, Iwould explain that you respect his need for peace and quite, hence you are doing xyz (you already said you restrict the early starts). Explain all the times you will ensure your kids are quiet so he understands you are doinf your bit, but politely say that your children also need to be able to enjoy their garden. Sounds like your neighbours have plenty of quiet time, and it sounds like you are being very considerate, so I'd juts emphasis how considerate you ARE being and leave it at that.

hairytriangle · 05/07/2010 19:22

Yabu!!!

pipistrello · 05/07/2010 21:47

As someone with delightful but noisy neighbours, the thng that makes it bearable is knowing when the noose s going to occur, how long it will last and when the various respite periods are. It means you can arrange to be out for a walk or whatever at the usual noisy times, and it means you can relax properly in a defined quiet time, rather than being wound up with anticipation that th noise might start at any second.

pipistrello · 05/07/2010 21:48

The noise, not the noose. Hmmm.

mumbar · 05/07/2010 21:58

yanbu - (and you can't win) Parents nowadays are always hearing about how cooped up our children are how children used to get packed off for the day to be home at tea and now these people are complaining when you take their advice and children are out playing.

My ds is nt and he would get louder and louder too its just 5 year old boys enjoying themselves - as they should.

Altinkum · 05/07/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herbietea · 05/07/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

maddy68 · 05/07/2010 22:01

TBH I think you are being a BIT unreasonable,

While you think the sound is lovely of them playing on the trampoline - it is bloody annoying , they squeak! the sound of kids can be very wearing and by your own admission yours are noisier than most.

I would apologise to your neighbours and ask when they generally have a nap - I would say you will make an effort to try to curtail their garden noise between the hours of their nap wherever reasonable.

mumbar · 05/07/2010 22:05

or mention dc's at school til 3 so they could nap peacefully until 3.15 most days. (omit the fact 6 weeks hols coming up)

peeringintothevoid · 05/07/2010 23:00

"ignore the auld misery and let your son make as much noise as he wants in his own space"

So how come this attitude doesn't hold when people come on MN to complain about their neighbours letting their dogs bark/playing music/making noise in their own space? The prevailing notion on here seems to be that anyone who objects to the sound of loud children is unreasonable/an old duffer/a cunt- nice that Kreecher..

FWIW OP, you sound like a nice, considerate neighbour, and the fact that you are bothered by the thought of upsetting your neighbour shows that YANBU. As others have said, maybe the best option is going round to discuss it with him in person and negotiating a 'nap time' when he can be confident that there won't be squeaking and screeching coming from your garden. Then he'll be able to hear how loud everyone else's kids are, and yours will seem angelic by comparison..

Cretaceous · 05/07/2010 23:19

I agree with maddy68. People have a right to have a peaceful time, as much as other people have the right to be able to make a noise in their garden. I think that you and your neighbour both sound nice, and will try to accommodate each other.

Other posters can hardly criticise someone for asking nicely for some peace and quiet, though. And comments such as "old duffer" are quite shocking to me. We'd all be offended by the term fishwife, for example. We'll all be old one day - hopefully - just as we were all children.

katiestar · 05/07/2010 23:44

I can see how the noise of a trampoline's rhythmical squeaking could really really get under someone's skin if it went on for hours and hours very close to someone else's houde.
I think you need to calm down and accept that it is a polite request from a neighbour and see what you can do to accommodate him

HarveysFurniture · 06/07/2010 10:17

Do you have any problems with your children when they come into the house? My cousin would always rub dirt into the sofa in the living room, very annoying!

Liz

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/07/2010 10:28

I agree with Cretaceous and peering and others. Terms like Old Duffer etc, are not necessary.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/07/2010 10:30

and I agree with pipistrello - OPs children entitled to play noisily in their own garden, but it would be nice for the neighbours to know when and for how long the noise is likely to occur. I can see you are kind and accommodating, OP.

moanyhole · 06/07/2010 10:30

we are big fans of white noise in this house, its used all the time when we dont want the general noise of the house disturb anyone, big or small, sleeping upstairs.

anyway we have elderly neighbours and i did feel a bit bad when their son very nicely said that they were wrecked cos they couldnt sleep with the noise of our trampoline and ds and dd making noise out the back. esp. as like many other old people they dont sleep well at night.

so i bought them a white noise cd too and theyre delighted. my dsc continue to play outside and if next door need a nap they hear nothing with the cd.

everyone is happy

imahappycamper · 06/07/2010 10:32

My next door neighbours' children have a trampoline and yes it is very annoying, especially when they jump up to see if they can see in our house! I just try to remember though that my children must have been just as annoying. It is normal childhood behaviour.I certainly never say anything to the neighbour.
If you really want to be a good neighbour you could ask him what times he has his nap and say they won't play on it at that time.
He must have noticed what times they play on it during term time.
One of our most annoying neighbours is the old man opposite who plays his TV very poudly with the window open until late at night, which we all tolerate because we know he is a bit deaf.

bluecardi · 06/07/2010 10:42

Would put a nice card through his door saying that you respect his need for a nap and thank him for also respecting your kids need to play. Explain that your ds has special needs and that you're doing everything possible to help and encourage him.
You invite him round for a tea whilst your kids play - he might feel left out & not know how to be nice to you. This could help.

If you get no joy then community police can have a word with him.

ChippingIn · 06/07/2010 16:01

YANBU

However, as he spoke nicely to you, I agree with the people who are saying to go around and ask him which hour of the day he would normally take a nap and agree to keep the children inside/quiet during that hour, it's all just a part of getting along with our neighbours isn't it....

If he says he doesn't know/he varies it/when he's tired etc - then you can just say you are sorry, but you aren't keeping the children in during the day (or making them play out one at a time (some old people have some odd ideas!! LOL)) and that you are sorry he's being disturbed by it, but it's acceptable daytime noise and it's what you get in a built up area.

Trying to keep children (esp those with SN) quiet in the garden, is as pointless as shoveling snow while it's still snowing and you shouting at them to keep the noise down wont help will it

porcamiseria · 06/07/2010 16:29

another YANBU here

I'd continue but if he says anything again say politely that there is no law against it, its summertime and that its healthy exercise