Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take DS out of nursery: update

56 replies

griffaloschild · 05/07/2010 14:21

Sorry to be boring (and apols for the length of this post) - I hassled you about this a couple of weeks ago when I asked for your advice on whether I should change his routine to fit in with nursery. Your advice is so good I couldn't help myself.

So a quick update, DS has been going to nursery for 3 months (is now 14m) and the reports are that he is still not settled. He is not happy, when I hand him over he has a look of sheer panic on his face, grabs me as tight as he can and cries. When I pick him up his eyes are red (although isn't usually crying at that moment) and he is grumpy for the rest of the day. Main probs are lack of sleep and the fact that he needs too much attention (according to staff) (I agree he does need quite a bit of input but surely this is normal in a percentage of children?). I tried changing his sleeping routine and basically it failed. Since then things seem to have gone from bad to worse.

When I ring to ask how he is they have a standard line 'there have been some tears', what does this mean? When I try to get to the bottom of it - well I can't get to the bottom of it basically.

I arrived the other day early and peered through the window I saw DS being reprimanded (I don't have a problem with this in general). They said that he had been trying to get through the door into the nappy changing area and wouldn't stay in the main play area. This is behind a little fence with gates - why don't they just shut the gate?

We had been wondering where his key worker was and today DH asked - she has been promoted and doesn't work in his room anymore. Would you expect to be told about this? Also other 'new' people now work in his room and we didn't know about this either.

Last time I picked him up, I went to leave and realised his empty bottle wasn't in his bag (on most occasions something or other is missing so I have to check and go back to claim it). It turned out this they hadn't given him his milk that day - they apologised but this isn't the first time it has happened.

A minor thing is that he always has food all over his face, in his hair and on his clothes, when I pick him up. This wouldn't bother me at all if I thought he was in a loving envirnoment - just thought I add it in for good measure.

Other children are always crying (really hard - red faced, veins in neck etc) and they just seem to ignor them. On one occasion three children were holding there arms out to me to be picked up. (heart-breaking - especially when I wonder if my DS is doing the same?)

I realise all the above are not serious complaints and would be happy to overlook them if he was happy (other care seems fine). The upshot of all this is that I have looked into sending him to a CM. We are meeting two this week and just wondered if you think this is a good move, any advice on how to choose one, or if you think that all the above is normal and I am being totally U.

Many thanks xx

OP posts:
secunda · 05/07/2010 14:24

Oh God I would definitely move him. Not giving him his milk is really bad. It sounds like they don't give the children enough attention

cestlavielife · 05/07/2010 14:25

change nursery., it isnt working for him.

"he had been trying to get through the door into the nappy changing area and wouldn't stay in the main play area" - typical explorg - but maybe he does just need a different environment.

maybe a CM with older children would suit him.

or a differnet nursery.

after three months, things should eb working out. so just change him.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 05/07/2010 14:25

A childminder sounds like a very good move, or even a nanny if you can afford/find one. I really wouldn't leave my child there, he sounds so unhappy (as do the rest of the children)
I'd be tempted to contact Ofsted about what the nursery is like, it does raise alarm bells if children are being left to cry

EndangeredSpecies · 05/07/2010 14:26

Not serious complaints?? I wish you were making it up. Take him out of there asap, this is not how nurseries are supposed to be.

Ewe · 05/07/2010 14:27

My DD has been in nursery since she was 6 months old and there is no way I would have tolerated the above, sounds terrible, you should definitely move him.

Have you thought about using a childminder if he needs a lot of one to one input?

functioningduetocaffine · 05/07/2010 14:27

Didn't see your previous post but I would be taking him out of that nursery. The other things can be overlooked but I was very at "Other children are always crying (really hard - red faced, veins in neck etc) and they just seem to ignor them. On one occasion three children were holding there arms out to me to be picked up. (heart-breaking - especially when I wonder if my DS is doing the same?)"

That just seems like this nursery isn't giving the children the attention they need.
Good luck with your search for a CM.

BornToFolk · 05/07/2010 14:27

I'd move him. DS took a while to settle to nursery and would cry when I left but it was more a "don't go Mum!" than a "I hate this place" cry, if you know what I mean. He didn't like me going but was happy to be cuddled by his keyworker until he got over it.

Crying children and constantly forgetting to give milk would be big alarm bells for me.

MadameBelle · 05/07/2010 14:28

I would move him pronto. 14 month olds don't need 'reprimanding'. The nursery environment should be so secure that that sort of thing should never arise.

Can you check their inspection reports? It sounds like they don't have the correct procedures in place in some areas - ensuring he has had his bottle etc.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 05/07/2010 14:30

Take him out of there. I remember the heartbreak at how ds wouldn't settle in a creche when he was 12 months. But I was completely happy with the care and attention he was getting. I think you know you need to move him and find an alternative.

Call a childminder (either near home or work) and I think both you and he will be more settled.

GroovyGretel · 05/07/2010 14:34

I would definitely move him. I don't have experience of 14month old care but know that even with pre-schoolers they should not be crying like that!

My pre-schoolers hold out their arms for hugs but it's (almost) always done with huge smiles on their faces.

Poor little thing. How is his behaviour at home? Is he more clingy/unhappy since starting at the nursery?

KERALA1 · 05/07/2010 14:37

Sounds awful. Reprimanding a 14 month old .

Original poster
griffaloschild · 05/07/2010 14:43

oh thank you, I'm so glad I am not going mad. This issue is starting to make me ill (mental health wise) because I am so worried about him. In the previous thread (i made reference to) a poster that had previously worked in a nursery thought that I was living in a fairy tale and that this stuff is normal in a nursery. I've also spoken to friends who have worked in nurseries and reported that 'clingy' children do just get ignored and that they don't have time to deal with ones that need more attention. (they both left this line of work because they found it upsetting).

In answer to MadameBelle, I have looked at there reports and there has been a recent complaint to Ofsted about nappy changing as far as I can see (these things are so vague). It looks like ofsted accepted an explanation and didn't see fit to inspect again. There last report was 'good'.

OP posts:
Original poster
griffaloschild · 05/07/2010 14:46

Luckily his behaviour at home seems to return to normal the following day. I.e. he is irritable and subdued that afternoon/evening then usually ok the next day. This might just be due to the lack of sleep. (I have monitored his behaviour closely!)

OP posts:
belledechocolatefluffybunny · 05/07/2010 14:47

Ofsted don't publish complaints IIRC. I complained about ds's old nursery (it was years ago now) after he was marked and then told me he was hit across the head by a member of staff (consistent with his marks), I wasn't told what had happened to the nursery, they were just removed from the Ofsted site for 6 months I think you are able to see complaints now though?

This thing isn't normal. There are some very good nurseries out there.

ReasonableDoubt · 05/07/2010 14:50

I would definitely take him out of this nursery, griffalo. You don't even need 'facts' or 'evidence'. If your gut tells you, after three months, that your child isn't settling in and if you don't 100% trust the people who are supposed to be looking after him to provide him with a high level of care - get him out of there.

'Reprimanding' a 14 month old who has no impulse control for not doing as he is told? Totally barmy.

BalloonSlayer · 05/07/2010 14:55

God almighty.

I'd move him sharpish. Poor you. You must be really upset.

TheChicOfIt · 05/07/2010 14:59

Oh dear that sounds awful!

I have just taken my 2 yr old DS out of a lovely nursery because he was unsettled, but it was more the fact that he wanted mummy rather than the place.

Do they have the correct ratio of staff there? Seems odd that three children would all by crying and no-one was able to attend to them. It must be very stressful for the children to be in that situation .

I am considering a CM for mine too if I go back to work as I do think that my DS is better with more one on one care.

Good luck, hope it all works out for you x

LisaD1 · 05/07/2010 15:03

Poor lad, move him away from this horrible nursery. I don't know any 14month olds that need "reprimanding"! I'm an ex childminder and am appalled at the way your son is being treated.

I am not against nursery's at all, as with childminders there are good and there are bad and there are those inbetween. The nursery he is in sounds bad for him but that isn't to say that he wouldn't be happy in nursery, just not the one he is in.

My youngest (2.5yrs now) went to nursery for 3 months while I did a contract role and she was about your sons age, I had none of the complaints you have listed (she was a bit grubby some days but ime grubby=fun!) and she was very happy, there are some lovely ones around.

RunningOutOfIdeas · 05/07/2010 15:03

My DD has been at nursery since she was 6 months. They never forgot to give her a bottle. I have never seen children really crying and being ignored. She does often have food in her hair, ears, nose, clothes etc. but that is part of learning to feed herself, and when anyone (me included) tries to wipe her face she screams the place down!

When I enter the nursery to collect DD, there are often children wanting my attention, but in a happy way. I think they look at each adult arriving as another person to play with.

So, as everyone else has said, please take your DS out of this nursery. They are clearly not doing their job properly.

Original poster
griffaloschild · 05/07/2010 15:06

cestlavielife - yes I would think 3 months is enough time to settle, does anyone think different. the reason I have held on so long is that they keep saying he will settle, and I didn't want to make things worse for him by taking him somewhere new. Now I realise they will move him to a different room in the next couple of months. But other than all that - my gut instinct is that it isn't right.

OP posts:
belledechocolatefluffybunny · 05/07/2010 15:08

Go with that Griffalo. It's really not nice for both of you, you'll be worried about him all day.
I would contact Ofsted about them.

TheChicOfIt · 05/07/2010 15:12

Him moving to another room may just make matters even worse - I'd get him out of there pronto.

Find a lovely CM x

Original poster
griffaloschild · 05/07/2010 15:19

Thanks belledechocolatefluffybunny!

I think the ratio is correct - on the occasion I mention the member of staff in charge of these three was sitting on the floor doing admin/observations about 1 meter away.

any tips on how to select CM. I spoke to one on the phone that had been recommended by a friend who had used her for a short time. She said her DD had liked her and that was all the mattered to her (same wave-length as me). Her ofsted report was 'satisfactory'. Another I found had a 'good' ofsted report and lots of qualifications but was a bit short on the phone - obviously yet to meet so could be lovely in person. The first wanted me to bring DS when the other children were there etc. The latter didn't seem to be bothered by this...

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 05/07/2010 15:22

Sounds shabby. move your boy

Original poster
griffaloschild · 05/07/2010 15:37

also whilst I'm on (I realise I'm ranting!)...is it normal for nurseries not to ask anything about your child? I was given the impression before we sent him there that they encouraged parents to share developmental milestones etc. When we asked they said there is no facility for this and they never enquire...

they also do not document anything about sleep/feeds/nappies for you to take away..and if you ask they seem a bit irritated and appear to guess...

OP posts: