to take DS out of nursery: update

[griffaloschild]

Sorry to be boring (and apols for the length of this post) - I hassled you about this a couple of weeks ago when I asked for your advice on whether I should change his routine to fit in with nursery. Your advice is so good I couldn't help myself.

So a quick update, DS has been going to nursery for 3 months (is now 14m) and the reports are that he is still not settled. He is not happy, when I hand him over he has a look of sheer panic on his face, grabs me as tight as he can and cries. When I pick him up his eyes are red (although isn't usually crying at that moment) and he is grumpy for the rest of the day. Main probs are lack of sleep and the fact that he needs too much attention (according to staff) (I agree he does need quite a bit of input but surely this is normal in a percentage of children?). I tried changing his sleeping routine and basically it failed. Since then things seem to have gone from bad to worse.

When I ring to ask how he is they have a standard line 'there have been some tears', what does this mean? When I try to get to the bottom of it - well I can't get to the bottom of it basically.

I arrived the other day early and peered through the window I saw DS being reprimanded (I don't have a problem with this in general). They said that he had been trying to get through the door into the nappy changing area and wouldn't stay in the main play area. This is behind a little fence with gates - why don't they just shut the gate?

We had been wondering where his key worker was and today DH asked - she has been promoted and doesn't work in his room anymore. Would you expect to be told about this? Also other 'new' people now work in his room and we didn't know about this either.

Last time I picked him up, I went to leave and realised his empty bottle wasn't in his bag (on most occasions something or other is missing so I have to check and go back to claim it). It turned out this they hadn't given him his milk that day - they apologised but this isn't the first time it has happened.

A minor thing is that he always has food all over his face, in his hair and on his clothes, when I pick him up. This wouldn't bother me at all if I thought he was in a loving envirnoment - just thought I add it in for good measure.

Other children are always crying (really hard - red faced, veins in neck etc) and they just seem to ignor them. On one occasion three children were holding there arms out to me to be picked up. (heart-breaking - especially when I wonder if my DS is doing the same?)

I realise all the above are not serious complaints and would be happy to overlook them if he was happy (other care seems fine). The upshot of all this is that I have looked into sending him to a CM. We are meeting two this week and just wondered if you think this is a good move, any advice on how to choose one, or if you think that all the above is normal and I am being totally U.

Many thanks xx

I have a disability, for which normally i use crutches or a frame. We have three children, 6,4,2.

I mannaged to trip down the stairs at christmas and dislocate my hip :0 and am now in a wheelchair as its agravated my original disability.

Sch/social services arranged a childminder to take kids to sch...and to have little one for two days a week...she was VILE...When i first met her i put up with the ferry'ing kids to sch but i didnt feel right sending little one so i fought for her to go to a nursery.

It was brilliant! And for the record at the end of EVERY day i got a little form stating

*what her fav toy had been that day
*what time her sleep was
*what she ate/didnt eat for dinner/brekki/tea
*how many bottles of milk she had
*how many nappy changes, inc dirty nappies.

etc etc.

Unfortunatly we had to take her out of the nursery(she starts back again in sept but at the moment with the wedding we cant afford it!)

We sacked off the cow of a CM and hired a new one...who we send DD3 to one day a week(much cheaper!)

School teachers have commented on how nice new CM is, and how vile old one was.

Unfortunatly i didnt have a choice as the sch where paying!

You need to get DS out of there ASAP and find a decent nursery who actually bother xx

thanks for all your great advice (Vinegar - sounds like you had a very similar experience).

We have taken him out, he won't be going back! yipppeeee.

We met three CM's last week, and one was lovely and a million times better than the other two. She had been recommended by a friend too, so I'm very hopeful things will work out. Although I'm still anxious given the experience we've had so far. But I am confident that she will be responsible and care for him properly and we will be able to have a great relationship with her.

The nursery rang to ask why we have taken him out, so I told them about the keyworker thing and the lack of milk. She basically tried to cover it up, claimed that they would have given him the milk in a cup (this is despite the fact that the NN on the day had admitted they hadn't given the milk at all), plus he won't drink milk from a cup yet! Apparently they would have told us about the keyworker eventually!? She just kept dodging my questions and there were no apologies.

Thanks again! x

Hi my dd is at nursery - she is coming up to 3 and had been attending her nursery since she was 11 months - never has she ever been as you described your ds ie look of sheer panic. If after three months your ds has not settled and is grumpy there etc I would personally take him out and look for another nursery / childminder.

My dd has a keyworker and whenever there have been changes to keyworker or even if the rooms were going to change I have always been informed. Does your nursery give you a daily report sheet when you go to pick your ds up? If not that is one of the basic things they need to be doing? ie what he ate, if he ate well, nappy change times, if and when he soiled, nap time to and from etc.

Oh and I should add that when dd started the nursery asked me about her routine and said they would go with mine as they like the children to have their home routine as far as possible. Although our first language is English we also have a second language and the nursery asked me if I would like to write some of my language words on paper that I used at home say for example milk, sleep etc and they would be happy to use them with her.

Nurseries should most definetely ask about your child, their likes, dislikes, routine, comforts etc

Find another nursery or childminder!
Ds is nearly 2 and been in nursery nearly a year - at his nursery the staff are always cuddling one or more children, all the staff know all the kids, and they fill in the eaten/nappies/sleep/activity form each day - much better than me at filling in the 'about ds' stuff they like to get updated regularly.
And no telling-off before at least 18 months and then just 'working on' not throwing food at the table, etc.

Don't think their Ofsted is that great as paperwork is a bit ropey, but they're diligent about not losing kids or giving them to anyone without the kid's password, feed them well and do lots of stuff and the kids love it.