confused about abortion

[leona33]

i really dont no how to start here. i feel i am lost for words.

ok will start with some background, have been with dp for 5 years and we hv 3 dcs under 4.

things are very hard atm. i am 8 weeks pregnant and know i can not have this baby. everyday is a struggle i am suffering from depression and find looking after the dcs hard going. i constantly feel tired and feel that i could be giving them more. i feel as if we are struggling to survive atm let alone live.

i know i have to have an abortion. but can any one explain why my body is urging me to love this baby? i had a scan yesterday and just wanted to see the baby more than anything, i was screaming inside when the nurse had finished and i hadnt seen the baby. my friend is preg and when she brings up midwife appointments i feel so sad. why is this? when i know we cannot cope with another baby, why is my body yearning to keep it?

i hate the thought of arbortion i really do. but i have to think of the dcs i already have.

i feel as if i am buckling under the pressure and stress of this. i am a mess. i need some help and i am constantly feeling anxious and stressed. please help.

Confuzled, "Boiledegg1, that phoneline is run by hardline anti-abortion Christians. I personally think you should mention that fact when recommending it."

Not true at all, I have no axe to grind regarding abortion, I just felt sad for the OP and wanted to help. My advice to the OP would be to get some good objective counselling from somewhere. I suggested this organisation because I have had dealings with them professsionally. Their staff / volunteer training is good and their advice is objective.

Sorry, but you are wrong. The Guardian:

A bit of digging turns up some significant issues. First, Care Confidential is run by the charity Christian Action Research and Education (Care), whose charitable aims, as listed with the Charity Commission, are: "The advancement and propagation of the Christian Gospel and in particular Christian teachings as it bears on or affects national and individual morality and ethics." Second, the vast majority of stories from women who have had abortions that it publicises are negative, although it does publish all the stories it receives. And finally, despite research pointing to the significant and lasting psychological damage that can be faced by women who put their babies up for adoption, Care Confidential encourages young women to consider adoption as a positive alternative. Care Confidential declined to make any comment for this article.

This is from Inspire: Life Matters:

Julia Acott talks about her work in East London as the Helpline and Online Manager of www.careconfidential.com ? a service for people facing unplanned pregnancy or having post-abortion difficulties I began out of a growing concern for the huge number of abortions which take place, and having been so blessed with my own children within a happy marriage. Listening one day to the story of a woman?s own abortion experience, she said that she had no alternative at the time. This energised me to start Alternatives in Newham, where currently one in three pregnancies end in abortion. I feel very strongly ?there but for the grace of God go I? and it is God?s wonderful grace, truth and compassion which motivates and strengthens me day by day.

I worked on a genuinely neutral family planning and crisis pregnancy helpline at university, and we were trained to be careful only to refer women who had decided to keep their babies to the Christian/anti-abortion organisations for exceedingly obvious reasons. Such counselling organisations IMO should have to state their position at the outset. How can it be non-directional counselling if the counsellors all believe abortion to be murder and an affront to God?

Leona, I hope things are okay with you today.

So if it's in the guardian it must be true. I'm a healthcare professional too. I am speaking from personal experience with this organisation and their counsellors in my local area.

The second link is not the Guardian, and is in fact an interview with one of their workers in an evangelical Christian publication.

Perhaps you will believe the info on their own parent organisation's website? Which is, incidentally, also allied to evangelical groups and opposed to euthanasia, as being pro-life.

Bioethics CARE's work in Bioethics is well established. CARE has been one of the leading organisations over the recent decades advocating for an educated Christian view of life from the beginning, at conception, to its natural end. CARE's work has not only been involved with campaigning but our caring work for the vulnerable has sought to authenticate our view of the inherent value and dignity of all human life. This has meant that CARE's work on issues and practically in relation to abortion, euthanasia, genetics and cloning has built up a body of expertise and authority in the field.

Very unbiased and non-directional.

Look, you are entitled to whatever opinion you choose. My point remains that when recommending an organisation that is committed to opposing abortion on ethical grounds as a counselling specialist, you might want to make that commitment known. Your disagreement with that fairly basic ethical position is disturbing in a health care professional - or is fully informed consent not a concept you agree with?

When I first met my partner, one of the first conversations we had was about children. He told me that he would love to have children, but he had had a vasectomy after his ex-partner miscarried. Along with other factors, I fell pregnant shortly afterwards.

I have not enjoyed this pregnancy and have felt suicidal at times, convinced that I shoudl not have carried on with it. I have had no maternal feelings at all. This didn't help by the fact that he had cheated and told me lie upon lie.

I now have 5 days to go and the black cloud is finally starting to lift. My point is do what you need to do. Don't let anyone make you feel bad etc, as ultimately it is you who is going to have to make sacrafices.

I hope that I will have a bond with my baby when she is born, afterall, she did not choose to be born.

Good luck

Oh, and he hadn't had a vasectomy at all...

all this arguing debating about Care Confidential isn't very helpful to the OP.

Leona, hope you're ok. and workedoutforthebest - best of luck with the birth of your baby. don't worry if that 'rush of love' doesn't happen straight away - it didn't when my DS was born, it took a few days/weeks.

I apologise to the OP for that, and was worried about it as well. But I'm afraid I also think that calling a helpline in this situation without knowing their background might not be very helpful to someone, either.

I second the rush of love not happening at once - sometimes you need to get to know this new little person first. I did too.

Leona, hope you're doing okay today.

Confuzled, thanks for that info- so important to point that out, I think.
Leona, hope you're alright.
Workedoutforthebest- best of luck with everything.