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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like being given a list of jobs to do...

101 replies

stubbornhubby · 01/07/2010 22:19

... at the weekend?

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 02/07/2010 12:18

Depends on how much you do. If you sit on your arse & she does the lions share, then to prevent list making, get off your arse & do something!

And

  • on Saturday morning do you give your DH a list of jobs, or not? No
  • why? Because he helps
Original poster
stubbornhubby · 02/07/2010 12:48

hmm "helps" - that implies the tasks that are actually your responsibility, and he is kindly assisting.

you probably meant "does his share"

OP posts:
wastingaway · 02/07/2010 12:54

Did you say earlier that you wrote the list?

foureleven · 02/07/2010 21:56

I find all of this very odd. i dont go in for the whole 'dumb man' needs his hand held to remind him of essential tasks else bless him he'll forget as he's so useless.

Writing a list is just saying its ok that he cant manage.

If I wanted something for homebase, id go to home base. If he wanted something from there then he'd go. If I wanted bark chippings laid in the garden id flippin lay them, it wouldnt occur to me to write it down for someone else to do it.

But we dont really have traditional roles in our house so we just do stuff that pleases us. Mind you, my DP is very self sufficient, he would absolutley not need a list from me.

DuelingFanjo · 02/07/2010 22:00

"- on saturday morning do you give your DH a list of jobs, or not?

  • why?"

Nope.

Usually it's my DH who comes up with the 'let's totally renovate the garden and male 20 trips to the dump' suggestions, though we're both very lazy.

I wouldn't dream of giving him a list of activities unless we had sat down together and agreed that things need to be done together.

JaynieB · 02/07/2010 22:05

I'll ask DP to do something specific, if it needs doing at the weekend. I think I am guilty of emailing and texting him little jobs and reminders during the week though - it that reasonable?

Altinkum · 02/07/2010 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babysplotface · 02/07/2010 22:15

I wouldn't like this and don't do it to DH as we spend the weekends together.

Diary appointments are fine though.

SloanyPony · 02/07/2010 22:19

I have been known to issue a "list" but not exclusively to him - its generally a "things we have to do before we go on holiday" type list and generally there are actions for both.

I have been known to have a couple of tasks for him at the weekend when he is here. I dont have a list so much as inform them of them. Generally I dont have to remind but if I do, I do so with respect to the fact that he is a grown man.

In all instances I am happy to outsource the items to a professional at the market rate per hour - however, he would rather I ask/remind him to do them than do this, so I act accordingly.

I dont nag though - if I ask a few times and nothing happens, I outsource, and the fact that the jobs are done remind him that (a) they were supposed to be done by now and (b) next time I politely remind, there is a time limit on how long I will wait and (c) I dont actually mind WHO does it, but HE does.

FortunateHamster · 02/07/2010 23:44

I write a lot of lists for myself of things that need doing generally, just so I don't forget. But it does include stuff that I would prefer DH to do or stuff he has to do, as he can be reasonably forgetful, especially when it comes to financial stuff like rearranging new insurance for his car. But I try not to nag about any of it and don't ever actually give him a list.

Though today he asked what jobs I want him to do tomorrow (he's being nice due to me being about to give birth), so maybe I will give him a list for once!

prozacfairy · 03/07/2010 07:57

The list is in my head and I gradually reel them off as we go along...usually. If I ever presented exDP with an entire list of things I wanted him to do he'd bugger off on his motorbike and not come back until he was sure I'd done it all myself

Flisspaps · 03/07/2010 11:15

If I gave my DH a list he'd stick it in the bin, same as I'd do if he left me a list. If something needs doing that urgently, we'd do it ourselves.

SH - what if you want something other than soup/salad/sandwich for dinner?

cory · 03/07/2010 11:22

I've never been with a man who couldn't think for himself and needed somebody else to write him a list.

But the again, as a woman I would resent being presented by a list written by him, even if he had ample evidence that I wasn't getting things done without it.

So I think the answer has to be, lists need to be either joint or not to be.

wastingaway · 03/07/2010 11:33

Not come back has he.

Wife tells him things that need doing, he writes this down as a list, and he finds it helpful.

Yes, OP, yabu.

Original poster
stubbornhubby · 03/07/2010 14:38

i haven't gone away.
it's saturday and I am working through my list

today is a busy one - I am lowering the kitchen table. i think it's punishment for the reunion day fiasco

OP posts:
babysplotface · 03/07/2010 14:41

bless

maktaitai · 03/07/2010 15:01

No lists. I would be furious if my partner in life presented me with one, unless I'd specifically asked for it.

DH is a SAHD at the moment and does a lot round the house, though it's not what I would necessarily choose as priorities. He never gives me a list at the weekend and if he did I would tear it up and go and put my feet up.

SpringHeeledJack · 03/07/2010 16:04

...nice story arc there stubbornhubby

foureleven · 04/07/2010 10:20

oh my god are you reunionday guy? What happened in the end?

mumonthenet · 04/07/2010 21:09

not the school reunion?

Gad, what happened?

Lists are the least of your problems.

foureleven · 05/07/2010 15:30

stubbornhubby what happened?!

Original poster
stubbornhubby · 05/07/2010 16:11

I struck lucky - we went to the reunion, and OF didn't show up.

sorry to disappoint: I realsie this is a MN anticlimax but it was a RL relief :-)

OP posts:
foureleven · 05/07/2010 16:23

Oh phew for you.

Please tell me you learned your lesson though?

And can I confess something to you...

Whispers...

An old 'friend' of mine asked me for lunch recently and for spilt second I considered just going and not mentioning to DP. Not because there is anything untoward as I am totally satisfied and actually I think the guy in question is now gay anyway but rather than having the whole 'oh xxxx has asked me for lunch' 'who's xxxx?' 'oh someone I used to go out with' etc etc etc and then remembered how I flamed you on that thread and have decidied not to go at all..

[shame]

Original poster
stubbornhubby · 05/07/2010 16:45

wait - he's NOW gay? 4/11 YABU - you can't just sneak that in without a detailed explanation .. tell us more

sigh... you know, OF and I had a very nice lunch...

OP posts:
foureleven · 05/07/2010 16:47

I think so, I think thats why he wants us to meet up so he can confide in me. Ive heard he hasnt had a girlfriend in about a year and has been seen out in various establishments with rainbows above the door.
In fact we never actually had sex when we were dating.. and I always thought it odd.