to not like being given a list of jobs to do...

[stubbornhubby]

... at the weekend?

a. no
b. because it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference. He would do the the jobs he prioritised. He would then spend the rest of the weekend on the computer "working" and occasionally coming downstairs to loudly and demonstrably do the washing up or tidy something that I have neglected. BAD wife and mother that I am!

He has given me to-do lists in the past though. Made me want to draw a picture of a cock and balls on the list and hand it back to him....

Yes, quite often, but not unilaterally, if that makes sense.

DH never sees what needs doing around the house, and if I don't say anything I will spend my days off racing around like a blue arsed fly getting the house in order while he watches the TV. We've talked about this and he says he likes a list because he would rather see what needs doing that day than me keep saying "could you do so and so?" and then, just as he has sat down "oh, and so and so needs doing" (which I can see probably drives him up the wall ).

So a list enables him to do what needs doing at his own pace, either all at the start of the day and then relax, or job at a time and relax in between. So he has a list sometimes, but by mutual agreement.

I think a lot depends on your situation, and is down to reaching an agreement that divvies out what needs doing in a way what is fair to both of you. So much depends on what you both do the rest of the week that I don't think what other people do is always relevant.

fightingdwarf
I like your style - and your name! are you really a dwarf? (do you really fight?)

what sort of list? you all ask...

well perhaps, hypothetically,

• deliver child X to activity Y at 11am
• fix hinge on kitchen cupboard
• empty washing machine when done and hang on line (not the towels, they do in the drier)
• homework for all children
• don't forget your dad coming at 12 (salad, sandwiches, soup in fridge)
• make DD2 do piano practice
• DS to hoover car
• get new tax disk

that sort of thing.

what is the reason for the list SH? are you very forgetful? are you home alone doing things you never normally do this weekend? is she making a stand and leaving you to it because you dont do it normally?

more info please.

And what's Dw doing while you do this lot?

What happens if you fail to complete some items on the list?

Is DW a SAHM?

How much house/child care do you do in the week?

Would you do those things without the list, I'm assuming she's out of the house and these things have to be done in her absence. - have you been remiss in the past?

Have you told her you don't like lists?

Sounds as if she's pretty organized and likes everyone else to be as well.

YANBU

nobody should be left a list of things to do.

I'm sure you know well enough what needs doing, and I'm sure you do it as soon as you can.

tell her to stop leaving you lists or you'll start leaving her lists.

She could also be a control freak with an anxiety disorder.

TBH, DW she works MUCH harder than I do, both at work and at home.
An average weekend is typical for all families - a mixture of chores, relaxing, friends, family. time together and times when we are doing our own stuff or running errands separately. Typical family life in other words.

without a list I reckon I would do stuff ... . but not necessarily the the same stuff.

having a list is both highly irritating but also (have to admit) useful at same time.

Why is it irritating if you know it's useful?

so are you objecting to the list or are you ok with it?

if you dont like the list but accept that you mightn't do the stuff that needs doing without it you need to agree something with your wife.

if there is stuff that needs done and you are agreeing to do it but then dont then i cant blame her for writing it down next time.

when you say you reckon you would do the stuff, do you mean there has always been a list but you think you can do whatever needs done without it now? if so then just tell her and give it a go.

Have you tried having a pow-wow Friday evening and deciding between you what needs to be done (ideally) over the weekend, then write up a rough list? That way still useful, but maybe less irritating if you've had some input?

Apart from the "deliver child to the party" it does seem a bit over the top.

I get what you're saying sh.

Can you just get a whiteboard in the kitchen and then you both jot down stuff that needs doing. And hopefully at the weekend most of the stuff will get crossed off by one or both of you? Would that work?

I am still curious to know what happens if you don't manage to do everything on the list?

i have to be honest if i was going to be away on a saturday i would have to leave a list for OH. it would consist of things like;

make beds
do dishes
hang wash
brush dcs teeth (yes he would forget even if he was doing his own)
take ds1 to swimming at 10.00, leave at 9.45 to be there in time (otherwise he would leave at 3 minutes to 10 and have ds walking into the pool late)
feed dcs lunch (he manages breakfast no prob but always forgets to eat at lunchtime)

it does seem very much like spelling it all out to him but tbh he would forget it all if i sat down the night before and told him.

"what would happen if you didn't do all the things on the list?"

I don't know - we've only been married fifteen years.

Does she know its irritating to you - she may think she's being helpful.

I would guess if she's working very hard, and she knows that certain tasks have to be done, she trying to make sure they get done or else presumally she'd have to add them to her own mental list.

And when you say you'd do stuff - what sort of stuff?
I mean if she's asking you to hang out the washing, but you think reorganising the CD collection alphabetically is more useful, then maybe she has a point.

SH have you spoken to her about it?

I quite like a nice list: a paper trail proves I'm not imagining having asked DH to get some stuff done. He is a lovely man but has been on basic rate tax for nearly 3 years because he is very, very absent minded. I worked out that he is probably owed nigh on 3 grand now, and yet still.no rebate. Ah well . So occasionally we have a list.

But I might draw the line at the hinge. Does she not own a ratchet screwdriver? Sounds like a "takes longer to go on about it than do it" job, but then I also quite like DIY but do appreciate it's not everyone's cup of tea.

oh, I love a good list

DH will say "XXX needs sorting" and I'll say nooooo we need a list!
And then divide it into sections and things, and fill it up with much pointlessness

First item is always "Make a list" and I can then cross that off, so we have success before we even start!

It might drive DH a little bit bonkers on reflection

oxeye

Alas, you have been working all week but your poor bloody wife has been cooking/cleaning/ironing(zzz) to keep your house together so the very least you can do is sort the bloody list out. At least the poor woman knows she doesn't have to do it if it's ticked off She thinks the list helps so be a gent and amuse her!

My fridge door was hanging off[literally}, I researched the hinge on web ordered it, he fitted it.
Toilet handle broke, I went to plumbers and fitted it myself.
But the gutter on the porch still leaks, given up on that!

Moral of the story:
Sometimes it doesn't harm to show a little willing,and it doesn't bog him down on his days off. It is annoying to be presented with a list!

oh, I do the list :-)

and I don't really mind having a list - it's very practical. Eg it would be a real pain to have tasks one at a time and end up going to Homebase for task 1 and then going back there again two hours later for task 3.

but sometimes....sigh...