to not like being given a list of jobs to do...

[stubbornhubby]

... at the weekend?

Sometimes my DP male (I female)will sometimes write a list of stuff that needs doing around the house over the weekend that all of us need to do. No one discusses who does it, we just kind of get it done. Sometimes if i have lots of plans he'll do the stuff and sometimes he'll have plans or end up doing more with the kids so ill do it.

But no, no adult should have alist writen for them by another adult. How rude.

stubbornhubby, dont you know yourself what tasks need ot be done on a trip to homebase...? I dont really get the dynamics here.

We write a joint list. And sometimes my lovely DP does some of my share! :-)

He gets very stressed if the house is really cluttered - we share a two bedroom bungalow with my 19-year-old step daughter and 2 cats and we have bands record at the house, so clutter happens very easily. And neither stepdaughter nor I are naturally neat so we tend to have these huge bursts of acitivity now and then.

I'm finding this all a bit odd..

No, I don't give DP a list at all, but then he usually gets on with things himself. I might ask him to hang the laundry out if I'm out with DS all day, but that's about it.

We'll have a list of stuff that needs doing, but we just get on with it tbh..

My DH LIKES me to give him a list, I don't like doing it at all!!

I love lists too...

Never thought of giving DH one for weekend tasks though, but think I might start one now for tomorrow.

Thanks for the inspiration (what have you started?!)

If I gave my DP a list of jobs on Saturday morning, he would be very grumpy.

However, if I make casual conversation about the weekend and all the things we are going to do together during the week, and divide up the chores and errands in a clever way, I can get him to do lots of things quite easily .

I think the issue here may be one of communication style...

Oh stubborn hubby, I just read your example list... unless you are actually dim then I think you have every right to be offended.
Youre weekends sound like hell. If I woke up to that list Id be desparate to get back to work on monday!

Would you honestly do the stuff on the list without having the list?

Would you remember your dad was coming over? Would you notice the tax disc?

My husband is lovely but he's a bit dim when it comes to things like that (he's told me we were going to a gig at the 02 when it was actually Wembley, he's arranged for us to visit his parents and then not put it on the calendar - so I didn't go because I'd made arrangements, we've lived in this house nearly two years and neither of us has worked out how to set the timer on the central heating) and we have painted a cupboard door in the kitchen with blackboard paint and we can write jobs that need doing (for both of us) on it in chalk and then wipe them off when they're done.

We have a shared Google calendar so we know what we are doing (together and separately) - although as in the case above that sometimes goes tits up.

My DH often asks me for a list, so he knows what needs doing! However the list is always more of 'suggestions of things to do' rather than 'things that have to be done - or else'. If things don't get done on the list, no-one is really that worried.

On the flip side, I'm on maternity leave currently so I asked DH for a list of stuff for me to do. No pressure, just ideas of things that could do with resolving if I have the energy and a spare moment when I'm wondering how to entertain myself.

Apparently we like lists in this house! Which reminds me, I need to start the shopping list for tomorrow...

Well I just compared your example list to mine, and I think you are getting off lightly. Half of the things on yours are reminders and she's clearly made your dad lunch already! My list however (bear in mind this is a rough draft):

Fit the bannisters
Lay bark chippings all over the garden
Plant the apple tree
Sort out clean washing and put away
Saturday: kids party - drive so I can drink
Sat evening: babysit and babysit friend's child so we can both go out
Sun morning: Get up (4-7am ish) to look after our child and friend's so we can be hungover in peace
8am kids breakfast
12pm kids lunch
don't forget tooth brushing and eczema cream
Water the plants
Supermarket shopping for the week

Am I being too demanding? I think he'd prefer it verbally bit by bit having looked at that list!
Having said that, if I wrote a list of tasks for me to do it would be longer. I just don't need one. Or nagging.

List sounds fine! It's mostly reminding you stuff anyway and your dw has clearly done some prep for you byskibg your dad lunch.
I presume it's all stuff she would do of she were there and you were out but seeing as she is out and you are home she is being helpful by leaving you a reminder.

fark loopyloops - hope that's not a normal weekend for your DH!

(My DP does do all of those things when I'm on a mad weekend, as I do for him - I'd never list it though, then he'd have it in writing!!)

We sit down for a coffee on Saturday morning and do a joint list. Much nicer. And starts from the assumption that dh is just as competent at planning our weekend as I am.

If I didn't verbally give my DH a list, followed by written reinforcement, he'd do fuck all all day (apart from lift his legs when I was hoovering underneath). Most of the time I can't be bothered with the demeening drudgery of constantly having to ask, so just do it all myself anyway. OP is obviously a keeper for ticking things off!
Can you tell I'm not in a good mood about it all today?!

Oh, YABU. You've already admitted you need the list & find it useful.

How different do you think the responses would be if a woman came on here saying that her husband gave her a list of jobs to do at the weekend?

MsC2010 - I think the first reply would have been 'why are you with this man?'

I think it depends upon why you are being given the lit. I give Dh lists at the weekends, sometimes. Because is does nothing, literally nothing, apparently he doesn't even have time to throw out his lager cans and put his slippers away, during the week.

At the weekend, if he does try and help, he cannot prioritise and generally just makes more mess. So if he helps he is given step by step lists i.e. 'once you have swept the floor, get the brushpan and sweep the mess up into the brushpan and empty into the bin. Sweeping it all into the hallway is not, in fact cleaning, it is merely moving the mess from one room to another.'

Honestly you can't win! If you treat your husband/partner with respect and assume they know just as well as you what needs doing, they get all affronted at you assuming they're psychic. If you write them a nice clear list, they accuse you of being controlling!

ShinyAndNew and others:

• If there's no list I still do lots of stuff. I don't have a list every weekend

• and there's never anything on the list that I take exception to. If there's soemthnig I don't think is a good idea, then i don't do it.

• and many of the things on an average list we've probably talked about at some point during the week as 'of we must get round to etc'

I think the main significance of the list is prioritisation. without a list i would do other tasks (Well, many would be the same of course - the washing machine gets emptied whether there's a list or not, but you know what I mean.. the list would be a different list)

I really like MrsC2010s comment "How different do you think the responses would be if a woman came on here saying that her husband gave her a list of jobs to do at the weekend?"

We do sometimes make a list but it is a joint one, and we put an initial beside each job to show who will do it.

I like writing lists and then tickng them off. Something odd in my nature. Wouldn't give a list to anyone else though.

DH works extremely long hours and at the weekend, he drives dd to sport and picks her up, does a big food shop (because he knows how much I hate doing it) and drops his shirts at the laundrette. I don't ask him to do any of that.

He might deal with a blocked drain or bunged up hoover or something if necessary but generally he doesn't do any housework/gardening at all. Considering I work a lot less than he does, I'm ok with it really most of the time.

when dh is at home, no i don't give him a list. i just tell him if he needs to be anywhere or have the house in some sort of normal state at a certain time.
we brought a house that needs lots of painting and diy bits. this is hubbys idea of heaven. i just take kids to parties, football etc!
he's in the forces so never really plan for him to be around so just tell him whats going on and if he needs to be with us when he is home!

My DH does this to me and it drives me potty. I took a day off not so long ago as I was exhausted and he tried to give me a list of things he wanted me to get done. I was . I spent the day sleeping and watching crap TV.

We do have a 'list', and at the moment more of it falls to DH because I am heavily pregnant but I would never presume to write him one. Sometimes we will verbally review this list and revisit priorities, especially now the due date is getting closer...the garden should be lower down the priority list now! He knows what needs doing, and would be quite offended if I thought he wasn't. I will remind him of things every now and then, but vice versa. That's just part of married life, but the whole giving the oartner a list is a little patronising.

I'm sure there have actually been numerous threads started by women complaining that her husband gives her lists, both from SAHM and working mothers (not sure of the 'PC' etrms for both of these before anyone jumps me!) and the general consensus is that this is controlling behaviour, how dare he, get out etc etc.