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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that just because my dog is big, doesn't mean that he's going to eat my friends baby on sight?

103 replies

MrsRhettButler · 01/07/2010 16:05

hi, i just need some perspective....

i'm doing my friend a favour, (hair and make-up for a wedding) and she refuses to come to my house because i have an american bulldog.
all of my make-up stuff is at my house, i have to cook dinner and a lot to do which would be easier if i didn't have to spend half the afternoon/evening driving to and from her house.

my dog can be put in a cage or in the garden (which i would obviously do before she came) but she is saying that she won't come and her dh won't let the baby into my house!

my dog has never shown signs of being aggressive towards visitors and i have no intention of letting my dog anywhere near her baby

the more i think about it the more pissed off i feel because it seems that she doesn't trust ME

i have agreed to go to her house but now i wish i hadn't as it is putting me out and i feel there is not really a valid reason for her feelings seeing as my dog will be locked out/in

aibu or is she?

i have to go out for most of the evening but will be back later, any opinions would be gratefully received thanks

OP posts:
fernie3 · 01/07/2010 16:11

she is being unreasonable if you agreed to put the dog out, my BIL has two rottweilers and my children go but only when the dogs are kept out or in another room.

SagacityNell · 01/07/2010 16:16

YA both BU. You offered to do her hair and make up so on the one hand you should be prepared to go to hers. On the other hand she is BU for not going round even if the dog is in its cage.

The issue with the baby is not for you to judge on really. I was like that with a friends dog with DS2. My reasons were that it was the DOG i didn't trust. This isn't really the thread to discuss it but i am not anti dog and this was only a terrior.

dexter73 · 01/07/2010 16:16

If you have said that the dog will be caged or in the garden then she ibu. Can't her dh look after the baby while she has her hair and make-up done if he is so concerned for her safety?

haoshiji · 01/07/2010 16:16

Uh Oh another dog thread... Take cover....

Original poster
MrsRhettButler · 01/07/2010 16:18

exactly! i totally understand that she doesn't want her dc around my dog but i think she thinks he's going to rip the door apart and eat her baby! (thats how she makes it sound btw not me overreacting)

i guess i will just have put up with her feelings but i'm not going to go out of my way again, if she wants something done she will have to come here

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsRhettButler · 01/07/2010 16:20

sagacity i'm not judging that she doesn't trust dogs, more that she doesn't trust me to keep him out of the way

OP posts:
onagar · 01/07/2010 16:21

I'm usually on the other side in these things, but she is being unreasonable since you offered to keep the dog away.

I suspect though that her DH (who may not know you so well or at all) thinks that when it comes to it you will say "oh I'll put him out in a minute. He is ok for now he is a big softy"

Mingg · 01/07/2010 16:23

YANBU she should come to you. If she doesn't want to bring the baby can't her husband look after her/him?

Songbiirdheartsfootball · 01/07/2010 16:23

Maybe she has a serious dog phobia and just can't bare to be anywhere near one. Maybe she's aware that she'll be put on edge when all she wants is to relax and get ready for her wedding.

She is being unreasonable but then so are you. Do you only do make-up at your house or do you go other people's to do it as well?

proudnsad · 01/07/2010 16:24

YABU. I am petrified of dogs like yours, a lot of people are. And there's no point trying to persuade her otherwise or make her 'understand' that your dog is safe. I literally go miles round the park to avoid these dogs. I am, suprise suprise, not a doggy person.
YANBU to feel frustrated/put out about it however. But I don't see a way round it.

Mingg · 01/07/2010 16:25

Is she afraid of dogs though?

Mooncupflowethover · 01/07/2010 16:27

Agree with Mingg...she should really try to leave her baby with someone else. I understand why she would be concerned about the dog, although you said it would be caged.

However, you've now said you'll go to her, I suppose you should fulfil your commitment.

MrsC2010 · 01/07/2010 16:27

YANBU

ShinyAndNew · 01/07/2010 16:27

Come on, we all know that American Bulldogs/Staffies/Rotties etc love eating babies. Babies are the staple part of their diet. Babies, toddlers and people's cats. They are aggressive dogs. I know that's true because it's been in The Daily Mail.

Seriously though, YANBU. Tell her she either comes to your house or you're not doing it. You are doing her a favour remember. Not the other way around. She is lucky you offered to keep your dog away. The only person I will do that for is my nephew. Otherwise it's a case of 'if you don't like my dog, don't come round to my house'.

Original poster
MrsRhettButler · 01/07/2010 16:28

dh knows me well, not her wedding btw, i usually go to people when they pay me but she asks A LOT for favours like this, no dog phobia she just doesn't trust them (fair enough) she is not petrified, she will stroke him

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsRhettButler · 01/07/2010 16:30

shiny

OP posts:
Vallhala · 01/07/2010 16:30

She is being utterly unreasonable, selfish and ridiculous and needs to remember that YOU are doing HER the favour, not the other way round.

Personally there is no way I'd put my 2 large dogs out of the way on someone's whim (as opposed to for genuine allergy/medical reasons) and I am buggered if I'd go to their house because she was too ignorant to come to mine to accept a kindness I'd offered. I would control my dogs and I would expect her to control/supervise her child whilst in my house. I would be offended at the insinuation that my dogs were a danger and that I don't have control over them and I certainly wouldn't be dictated to in my own home.

In fact, people with that type of attitude towards my dogs wouldn't be welcome in my house in the first place. This is my dogs' home - not my visitors'!

Vallhala · 01/07/2010 16:32
wahwah · 01/07/2010 16:32

I think yab very reasonable and she isn't.

OhYesIShipThat · 01/07/2010 16:38

Do you really want her at your house twitching and scared the whole time and constantly checking the door in case the dog has accidentally got into the house? Yes you might know it couldn't but she won't - face it, she is scared of your dog on her baby's behalf. She's not making a rational argument for not coming, she just doesn't want to because she's going to find it frightening. It's really not about her not trusting you.

I think arguments like "my dog has never shown any signs of aggression" are maybe not the best strategy to use with people who are scared. Most of the dogs who turn up in horrifying stories in the news presumably showed no signs of aggression. People who are scared of dogs tend automatically to think an owner's view of how soft their dog is is perhaps not that reliable. I'd rather be with a big scary dog whose owner was cautious than one who tried to reassure me he'd never been aggressive.

As you are trying to do her a lovely good turn I think really she should deal with this by being honest and saying "look, I'm sorry, I know you love and trust your dog but I'm too worried about it. I don't want to make you travel to me so I think it would be best if you just didn't do the make up. But thank you very much anyway, I realise it's my problem about the dog, blah blah".

Unfortunately what you can't do (as in, there's no way of doing it) is somehow make her feel relaxed and happy about being in the same house as the dog. If she's still feeling nervous even with the dog locked up, then there's really not much to be done about it in a short time.

fyimate · 01/07/2010 16:40

My DD's aunt has a large dog, I know and my DP knows he WILL eat our DD if given half a chance because he hasnt been trained (the dog, not my DP)
But she seems to think the dog wont hurt our DD...he nearly bit her foot off when she was a baby so we dont trust our DD being in their house.
IF on the otherhand DD's aunt said thats fine, I understand, I'll put him in the garden till you leave, I think we'd be at more ease.
I understand her concerns as a mother, if you have said to her "Oh no the dogs fine" she may be put off thinking you wont keep the dog away.
But if you have reassured her you will keep the dog outside then she is being a pain.

SirBoobAlot · 01/07/2010 16:41

I think she is BU - if you have said you make sure the dog is not in with you, and you are doing her a favour, she needs to chill out. I wouldn't want to be in the room with my DS if an American Bulldog was running around, and I am a dog owner, so I don't think its about not trusting you, more about not trusting a dog, and they are unpredictable, even if they have never shown violent or vicious tendencies before.

But yes, she is being unreasonable.

slushy · 01/07/2010 16:44

I was badly bitten and even so I am petrified of dogs I still would not go to someones house and expect them to put the dog out as far as I am concerned she can either come to yours or go and pay to have her hair done if she doesn't like the dog.

Ladies the woman asked the op to do her hair for free then refused to go to her house and demanded the op go to her house to style her hair for free. OP you would get a very different response if the woman was scared of your cat/GP/gerbil.

ditavonteesed · 01/07/2010 16:46

ya def not bu, you are doing her a favour and you have said you will put dog out.

DinahRod · 01/07/2010 16:47

YANBU. You are doing her a favour and for all intents and purposes the dog won't be there - presumably the cage is not in the same room and doors to the room it's in are shut?

Hwr, you have now offered to go to her house which you ought to honour, unless of course something comes up either before or after the appointed time which means it's impossible for you to get there - and she will have to come to you and if she wants to back out you will understand.