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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that just because my dog is big, doesn't mean that he's going to eat my friends baby on sight?

103 replies

MrsRhettButler · 01/07/2010 16:05

hi, i just need some perspective....

i'm doing my friend a favour, (hair and make-up for a wedding) and she refuses to come to my house because i have an american bulldog.
all of my make-up stuff is at my house, i have to cook dinner and a lot to do which would be easier if i didn't have to spend half the afternoon/evening driving to and from her house.

my dog can be put in a cage or in the garden (which i would obviously do before she came) but she is saying that she won't come and her dh won't let the baby into my house!

my dog has never shown signs of being aggressive towards visitors and i have no intention of letting my dog anywhere near her baby

the more i think about it the more pissed off i feel because it seems that she doesn't trust ME

i have agreed to go to her house but now i wish i hadn't as it is putting me out and i feel there is not really a valid reason for her feelings seeing as my dog will be locked out/in

aibu or is she?

i have to go out for most of the evening but will be back later, any opinions would be gratefully received thanks

OP posts:

ShinyAndNew · 01/07/2010 16:50

If it was a Hamster I could understand her point. Hamsters are evil, evil I tell you!

TBJP · 01/07/2010 16:52

Is it her wedding, or is she just getting extra done up for someone else's?
It's a heck of a lot easier for her on her wedding day to have it at her house though, isn't it? Or even if she's going to someone else's - she's the one going out. As such, and I know you are doing her a favour, I'd just do the favour.
Or maybe she just doesn't like that doggy smell that doggy houses have, or doesn't want to get covered in dog hair?

Songbiirdheartsfootball · 01/07/2010 16:53

Then YANBU! Seems like she's just using the dog as an excuse not to come to yours.

Junglist · 01/07/2010 16:55

Unless she is scared of dogs she's just being a massively over hysterical "I read something in the sun and have overgeneralised to every possible situation" twonk

TBJP · 01/07/2010 16:58

"dh knows me well, not her wedding btw, i usually go to people when they pay me but she asks A LOT for favours like this, no dog phobia she just doesn't trust them (fair enough) she is not petrified, she will stroke him" Ah ok. Well, then she should either pay you or offer a return favour. Or you should just say no.
I don't trust dogs. People have the fear for a reason.

Missus84 · 01/07/2010 16:59

Even if she is scared of dogs, you've offered to lock the dog out before she even gets there so she's being totally unreasonable.

Sounds more like she wants you to do her a favour AND she's too lazy to go to your house.

YANBU

zipzap · 01/07/2010 17:06

Could you try saying to her that she caught you unawares before, whilst you were happy to do her hair and make up you thought that it was to be done at your house and as such had got time to do it. (I'm assuming she's not the bride but is just a guest - if she's the bride then I can understand why she would be expecting you to go to hers!)

Now that you have had a chance to work through your plans for the day you have realised that it is just not going to be possible for you to go to hers so you are going to have to revert to your original offer of doing the hair and makeup at your house or not at all.

You're really sorry and the dog will be locked up before she is expected to arrive, regardless of whether or not the baby comes with her (if her dh is putting his foot down about it then he can take his turn at looking after the baby).

If you're doing her a favour and she's not paying you (I'm guessing as you said it's a favour rather than she's paying you to do this) then you having to drive is costing you lots extra time and money in petrol to do her the favour.

She may well be thinking that she doesn't want to be spending the time either ddriving to or from yours just before going to the wedding - could you offer to do it a bit earlier in the day (still at yours) so if she is worried by timings she will get back to her house at a reasonable time.

good luck - I think that it is OK to change your mind if she has bludgeoned you into doing something you don't want to do and that puts you out, so long as you are nice about it and say that when you said yes you hadn't got all the info with you about previous committments for the day.

However - when you first made the agreement to go - did you say that you wanted to do it at your house or did you assume that it was obvious that was where you would do it as it was where your stuff was and you were doing her the favour etc - and did she assume that as she was the one going to the wedding you would be doing a favour coming over to her (ie you both assumed different things) - in which case you need to say that when you set up the arrangement you were obviously talking at cross purposes and make a note for next time to make all these things explicit at the start!

good luck...

ImSoNotTelling · 01/07/2010 17:11

Gosh I am terrified of dogs but one in a cage at the bottom of the garden, while I am in the house, would be quite manageable indeed!

YANBU.

What I think, is that really she wants you to come to her house to do the hair and makeup on her wedding day, as that a. feels posher b. is less effort for her on her "big day" and c. she doens't risk messing it up on the journey home etc. And this dog business is just an excuse to get her own way.

zipzap · 01/07/2010 17:12

oops soory. got distracted half way through a post so managed to repeat most of what I'd already said and repeat what others said between me starting and posting.

note to self to check if thread has moved on if I don't get to reply straight away!

Missus84 · 01/07/2010 17:13

It's not her wedding though - she's just a guest.

ImSoNotTelling · 01/07/2010 17:15

Oh she's not the bride?

In that case at her TBH.

ifancyashandy · 01/07/2010 17:19

Tell her to naff off! Sorry, I know that is a BU but you are doing her a favour AND you're offering to crate your dog! We crate our dog if there are nervous visitors, so I know how safe those buggers are.

She is being a princess and I would not be pandering to her.

Rocky12 · 01/07/2010 17:19

We get this all the time especially with relatives and small children. We have a rottie. I understand their fear and will put the dog in her crate, however I found my SIL in the kitchen with her 2 year old waving at the dog, then running off and then running back towards the crate as though it was a game! The dog just lay there but what if she had taken offence. Honestly, if you want the dog to be locked away that is fine but dont start teasing it when it is.....

fyimate · 01/07/2010 17:22

Actually after giving this a little more thought I think you should charge her for the call out. If she isnt willing to go to your house then she should pay you to go to her.
And why cant her DH babysit the baby if they are so concerned?
I think she is just being lazy.
I would definetly not go to her house for free. She's taking advantage of you imo.

mumatron · 01/07/2010 17:24

yanbu. what more can you offer to do? as someone said previously its your dog's home too.

i have an american bulldog and when people call in she is secured behind a safety gate. it's their choice then if they want to stay.

i am always cautious with my dog around visitors, as any dog owner should be, regardless of the breed.

you said before that she has been fine with the dog previously, has she been to your house before? did she not raise any concerns then?

having said that, having a dog like ours is fab for scaring away unwanted salespeople

ib · 01/07/2010 17:25

She's taking the piss. And you'd have to be a doormat to let her get away with it.

Salbysea · 01/07/2010 17:29

I understand where she is coming from a bit, I wouldn't want my baby round your dog, but the fact that you would put the dog out makes me think that actually she wants the make up done at hers anyway but is not being straight forward about it

fyimate · 01/07/2010 17:49

Do you know if her DH actually said the baby is not to be in your house with the dog or did she just say that?
Either way I would call her up and say travelling to her house would be putting you out a great deal and as you originally offered to give her a free cut at your house but she has now refused you will not be able to make the trip without payment.

If she doesnt like it she can get her hair done at a dog free salon for triple the price.

Pootles2010 · 01/07/2010 18:37

She is being unreasonable, but phobias are unreasonable. I used to be really terrified of dogs - even little ones. I've only gotten over it now because i had to (pil have two old english sheepdogs, was more bothered about what they thought of me than my phobia, iyswim), but my point is that there's not point trying to understand her being scared of your dog - its just how she is.

ivykaty44 · 01/07/2010 18:44

Is it the smell of the dog and not actually that she is afraid of the dog?

I find some dogs have a smell and they leave it in the home they live in - fine as it is the owners and than dogs home not mine - I don't visit as it makes me feel queasy.

Just an idea?

claig · 01/07/2010 18:45

YABU. Some people have real phobias about dogs. Nothing you say will convince them that they will be safe.

ShinyAndNew · 01/07/2010 18:48

This woman's phobia is not that bad though. She has been in the op's house before with the dog and has stroked the dog.

Besides which, the op has already said that she will keep the dog in garden. So unless her dog is uber clever and can unlock it's own cage and then open the door to the house, the friend and her pfb are going to be no where near the dog.

Ronaldinhio · 01/07/2010 18:48

is it a jelly baby?

claig · 01/07/2010 19:20

ok I didn't read the whole thread. But to be honest an American bulldog would probably scare the hell out of me, and I would probably stop thinking rationally.

Snobear4000 · 01/07/2010 19:31

If you have a dog that needs to be caged then YABU., from the beginning, regardless of the problem with your friend.

Why keep a weapon as a pet?

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