to think my kid needs to see a shrink?

[MeandMyKid]

My 10 year old son has been mentally abusive to me for the past four years. He is always telling me how worthless, lazy, fat and ugly I am. This happens from the moment he gets up and starts again when I pick him up from school. It doesn't happen due to him not getting what he wants. He could be eating his breakfast or playing on the DS and then just comes out with it. He says I am a crap mother and wife and doesn't understand how Daddy (thinks the sun shines out of his ass) loves me.

So, I am no oil-painting but I am certainly no pushover either and I don't have low self-esteem. I don't let him away with bad behaviour and come down very hard on him. So far his computer ban is now 6 months and counting! If anything I wear the trousers in the family and OH would do anything for me and he is the kindest, sweetest man.

Anyway, I am beginning to feel very worn down by this and don't know how to manage it. He actually finds me disgusting and thinks I am worthless and mimics a mentally abusive partner. He has never witnessed such behaviour and OH and I are so confused.

Should I take him to a shrink? He also lies and would probably make up stories about me to the shrink - think Damien (the omen).

Does anyone else have a child like this. My other kids are adorable and I treat them all the same.

No worries...I am here, I was just flicking while waiting for a text from DS1 to let me know he is safe and have read the thread.

Im you mean you're this op?

OP Seriously listen to the ladies on here, they have been harsh with me BUT they have not only kept me sane and calm but they have given me AMAZING advice.

Defluffy - noooooo

oh sorry, was getting vaire

De its ok....mistakes happen to us mere humans

I have got a thread up atm lol but not a bad one!!

I was just wondering whether one of the things that might not help is that you seem to value intelligence and qualifications quite highly. You mention how bright he is and also how you do not have any qualifications. Does he know this? Do you give yourself as an argument for working hard?

I know it's not a simple answer but maybe making a point of valuing kindness and respect in front of him rather than good grades will help to teach him that this is what really helps us to get on in life.

Hi. Havent read whole thread, but your ds sounds very angry. Does he have contact with his biological father? Is it possible he would hear his dad/dads family speak this way about you? Perhaps he is very angry with you for not being with his dad anymore, even though he likes your new partner. Perhaps this is the way he is expressing his true feelings on the subject.
I think counselling would be a good idea, if the situation has been ongoing for 4yrs. But, I think you also need to look at yourself,(and perhaps talk to someone),re your part in this relationship.
Why do you come down so hard on him? The harder you are, reinforces in his eyes his feelings for you, and if punishment hasnt worked in 4yrs, then you are not achieving much. Taking his computer away for 6months is quite frankly ridiculous. How can he possibly earn it back? He needs to be shown his behaviour is unacceptable, but not this way. Even though he is 10, give him a chart with easy goals to work towards, or, a coin jar, that you fill/take from depending on behaviour.
Even though you may not feel like it, keep telling him you love him, but dislike the behaviour.
If you see someone re your ds, ask about attachment issues, just to rule out a more serious underlying reason for his behaviour.

Sounds like he is getting fed lies and nastyness from someone, either bullies at school or relatives
Why not prove him wrong and make him proud of you? You say you are overweight, why not get him to help you lose some weight?
Maybe have a small part-time job?
Show him that you can change and then he will have more respect for you.
I was always angry at my mum, even as a kid as she has NEVER worked, laid in bed most of the day as she had and still has manic depression and she used to send me out as a child to get her cigarettes and drink.
Yes I loved her as a mum, but I hated her as a person and just wanted to get a reaction from her to 'snap' her out of her rut.
But of course as an adult, I realise there is nothing that can be done, unless the person WANTS to do it.
Hope you find a way of burying the hatchet between you too.
If he really hated you, he would not even talk to you.

I think family therapy would be helpful. I wouldn't delay.

Feel for you OP.
My DS1 talks to me like something the cat dragged in, so you are not alone.
He has FINALLY been refferred to child pyschologist through school, but the 1st meeting won't take place until September...such a slow, drawn out process when all you really want is immediate help.
Chin up.

Had a non-eventful evening with DS - maybe dad's hatchet job worked!

I am so glad there are other mum's out there that know that this is not an environmental problem and that their child is wired differently, whether that be aspergers or just an Omen child!

Ripeberry, I understand your point but I'll be damned if I go on a diet to get respect from DS. I'll do it if and when I want to. Oh dear, maybe genetics is involved here!

Computer ban has gone - I'm listening ladies - and I am going to see how the summer holidays go. If it's a nightmare I'll be down at the GP pronto for an ed psych/CAMHS and some vallium!

You should NOT have to go on a diet or wear make up or dress more fashionably, whatever, in order to gain respect from a child fgs. That will just make him feel in even more control of you...which he is atm.
You are a SAHM...so what, we are not pariahs of society, we are doing the most important job in the world...yes even more important than Baracks!
Do NOT get a part time job just to make DS feel better!He should respect you no matter what you do for a living or what you wear.

Oh my goodness, I agree with banana you shouldn't change who you are to please your child, what an awful thing to suggest.

You are who you are, the only person you should make changes in your life for is yourself, definately not a 10 year old boy.

Before you label you child with AS or anything else, take at look atthis There is lots of advice about handling difficult children and it may help put you and your DH back in the driving seat where you both belong. It is full of wise words. Good luck!