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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for thinking friends without kids shouldnt be allowed to use the word exhausted?

126 replies

guineagents · 30/06/2010 22:07

just got this thought from a response I read in another post and TOTALLY agreed with!

My DP says I am unreasonable for finding it nigh on impossible to bite my tongue when friends without kids go on about how "exhausted" they are!

Yes they work hard. Yes they have different priorities. And yes it was me who chose to have kids.. but exhausted?? Come on!

They sleep til 11. They get to read papers all the way through. They "potter" about and have pub lunches and quiet adult drinks to "relax" after a hard week

Jealous? Me? {wink}

OP posts:
Original poster
guineagents · 02/07/2010 09:45

ps to then poster who said she's have "slapped" me for making this comment. Nice. Another tick in box for the verbal bullying on mumsnet

OP posts:
emptyshell · 02/07/2010 09:47

I'll also add - prolonged insomnia gets me exhausted to the point I become so tired I feel physically sick like I'm going to vomit on occasions. I'm going through a bout of it now - and if I get sleep in 2 hour chunks it's a fluke. Great fun.

I'd rather be mentally exhausted from using my brain or physically exhausted from running around at work all day than the kind of utter lack of sleep that I'm going through a bout of at the moment. Doing my teacher training was tiring, yes, but it was a good kind of tiring - I actually get a buzz out of running at that level of work - that was tired. Prolonged insomnia attacks like I have lately - that's exhaustion and no I don't have kids but I'm still using the term. At least with kids you have some positive outcomes from it - I'm just exhausted and being forced to shag like a rabbit through it all!

emptyshell · 02/07/2010 09:50

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chiccadee · 02/07/2010 09:57

Guineagents - I'm afraid you posted in AIBU so you have to expect the responses you received. If you want a friendlier response, try posting in chat instead. As a fairly new MNtter, I reckon there are some really great, supportive people here, but AIBU is not the place to find them.

Original poster
guineagents · 02/07/2010 09:59

emptyshell. I was making comments about my friends. Thats what it said in the post. No one else. It was never meant to have offended anyone childless and Im sorry if I did. I wouldn't want to do that.

I don't know what trolling is. Thanks for your really unplesant replies and for saying you'd have "slapped me very very hard". Wow. This has actually really upset me, not that ud give a f*.

OP posts:
mommmmyof2 · 02/07/2010 10:08

just for the record i feel exhausted today! for as long as i remember now by children have not gone one day without arguing, i finaly snapped this morning, having no sleep with my littlest then when he goes to sleep being waken up by my eldest, sometimes you wonder how you can get through the day
My eldest is pushing all my buttons lately and i think she knows it.Then i am constantly followed round by my son moaning for EVERYTHING! peppa pig is on constantly and is now driving me up the wall, as much as i love them lately i am exhausted to the point i feel i could fall over, but hey ho you have no choice as you can't say to children hang on mommys on a ten minute break

mommmmyof2 · 02/07/2010 10:12

and guineagents don't feel bad for posting your opinion thats what this site is for, some people can be on the extreme just don't take it too personally

2rebecca · 02/07/2010 10:31

I think "poor me" threads often get a bit of a harsh response. Especially when feeling hard done by for something fairly ordinary and (usually) optional like having kids.

Snobear4000 · 02/07/2010 11:23

Oh guineagents, I feel for you. All you have to do is say one thing on AIBU and you're in for a pile of vitriol. Now of course, sometimes some really nasty pieces of work get on here and deserve all that they get! Not you, IMHO.

And as you have experienced, people tend to speed-read the posts, latch on to key words and phrases whilst ignoring detail, caveats and so forth, and if the subject is something close to their hearts (particularly anything that could be seen as smug, or pertaining to breast feeding, formula feeding, state-school vs posh school, dogs, religion or tattoos), they will oftentimes see what they want to see in a post, so as to get all riled up and subsequently give you a proper dressing-down from their high-horse. People here LOVE to take offence. It's a kind of hobby.

You can of course go over your post and take the time to explain the nuances of the argument or question, whilst also pointing out any subtle humour or irony that may have been missed.

Or you could just think, fuck you, and go do something more creative with your day.

mommmmyof2 · 02/07/2010 14:02

i don't think having a moan sometimes is always 'poor me' attitude, i think it is funny sometimes because at the end of the day everyone moans,
i do not see what is wrong with having a little rant sometimes when things are on top of you, what else can you do??
I no my problems are shared by majority of women and don't pretend to think otherwise but everyone is entilted to speak there mind, otherwise what is the point in this web site!

juicy12 · 02/07/2010 14:23

Hmmm, tricky. I certainly used to feel knackered at the end of the week, pre-kids. But I do feel that I know what "real" tiredness is now. Not because it's necessarily more tiring having kids but just that you don't get the recuperation time. We haven't yet taught our DCs to differentiate between getting-up time during the week and the weekend SIL is always moaning about being exhausted and can't bear to get up before 11 at the weekend, but she'd also love the chance to be able to feel exhausted cos of kids, but is unlikely to.

scottishmummy · 02/07/2010 18:58

guineagents,dont sweat it.live to post another day.dont be put off or stop posting.pile in enjoy

melikalikimaka · 03/07/2010 09:14

Guineagent, you are right there are few regulars who sit on their arses all day waiting for people like you to post,so they can have a bitchfest. Don't worry there are some decent people on here, I agree with you whole heartedly. Some people want to grind their axe somewhere unfortunately it was on you.

thedollshouse · 03/07/2010 09:23

I was exhausted before I had kids. Now I am just tired. Getting up at the crack of dawn to travel a couple of hundred miles to do a presentation and then back at home at 9pm was far more tiring for me than looking after children. When my children are ill it is a different matter, I think the added stress of worrying about them and hoping they will be okay tips me from straightforward tiredness into exhaustion.

Bonsoir · 03/07/2010 09:30

thedollshouse - yes, I had exactly the same life as you pre-children and exhaustion doesn't begin to cover how I felt.

Life with children is one long picnic in comparison!

sarah293 · 03/07/2010 09:38

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HarijukuLover · 03/07/2010 09:45

There are two times in my life that I can recall being so sick with exhaustion that I would happily have sustained a broken leg or something, just to have been able to have a few days sleeping in a hospital bed.

  1. When I was in my mid twenties, establishing my career. I worked 12-14 hour days and then was expected to socialise and 'network' after work. I barely slept, hardly ate. I was wrecked.

  2. After the birth of my first child. The sleep deprivation was sickening for well over a year.

I don't think parents have the monopoly on exhaustion. I don't blame you for being jealous of weekend lie-ins and arsing about reading the Sunday papers, though. Miss those days .

thedollshouse · 03/07/2010 09:46

Although I was more tired pre-children I had the finances to deal with it. If things were getting too hectic I would book us a mini break or go and have a facial. Now we just have to get on with it as there is barely enough money to cover the essentials.

sarah293 · 03/07/2010 09:48

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Bonsoir · 03/07/2010 09:50

I find that having the time to deal with fatigue is more useful than money. When you are tired with children you can have a pyjama day and lie around reading books. When you work 12/14 hours a day during the week and go the office for half a day at weekends, the rest of your time is just spent catching up on basics... no respite ever...

sarah293 · 03/07/2010 09:55

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violethill · 03/07/2010 10:01

YABU, it's impossible to generalise.

Some childless people have jobs which may be intellectually or physically exhausting. They may also have other responsibilities (eg for elderly relatives) which take their toll.

And parents are in hugely differing circumstances too, eg if you have a small family, maybe just one or two children, and they sleep fairly well, and don't cause you too much angst, then you are in a very different position from parents with more children/non-sleepers etc

Also, some parents don't work outside the home, which means they don't have to manage the demands of that either.

Daft to try to make a general assertion.

HarijukuLover · 03/07/2010 10:06

PJ days? Blimey. I work, study and have two kids under five (one with SN) and a DH who works abroad a lot. There are very few PJ days for me.

I do remember that, even in my '14 hour day'
days I used to spend one day at the weekend - one full day = sleeping. God, that was good.

CornflowerB · 03/07/2010 10:15

The one I love is 'I absolutely must get eight hours sleep a night or I can't function'.
You know what, you really can.
Obviously I don't say that, just smile through gritted teeth

NetworkGuy · 03/07/2010 10:34

Just wondering if guineagents came back to see the follow up comments.

Yes, sworn at, but in a friendly way (as explained in immediately following post - did guineagents even see that one ?)

I guess there may be the odd bit of unfriendliness but in my view, where diametrically opposed views clash, the parties should agree to disagree and move on.

Unfortunately a few die-hards in the Politics section seem myopic and after a while, seeing the same / similar arguments regurgitated once more, just gets boring for onlookers.

No doubt there are other protagonists in other sections doing the same! Ah well, c'est la vie!