to be annoyed that my MIL said she'd only babysit if she had to!!!!

[nomorebooze]

To cut story short was having my first night out and we thought we would ask our parents if they would like to babysit, however due to my mothers ill health she was unable. We then asked my inlaws who turned round and said only if your desperate and cant find anyone else. WTF!!!!. We now dont want to ask her as i only want people genuinely interested to babysit in the future. I am being petty to think like this?

That does seem a bit off! did they say why they felt that way? and are they active grandparents?

My mother will always be the last person to babysit, she hates going out in the evenings, so I do think that you are being a tad unreasonable but not unreasonable to be annoyed.

Well at least she is honest. For some people it's a delight to babysit and for others it's a job - we all like different stuff. She hasn't said no, just that she wouldn't really want to.

Much as we all think our children are wonderful other people have the right not to share that excitement.

Maybe it wasn't convenient for them for some reason? (Though you'd have thought they'd have said).

Maybe they are scared about looking after a small baby?

Maybe they worry that if they say yes too easily on this occasion they will be taken for granted as babysitters?

It does sound like they were a bit rude. But there may be something else behind it. Why not talk to them to see why they responded that way. At least then you'll know whether they had a decent reason, or whether they're just not interested in helping out.

no reason given, my hubby is quite upset by this. they are active to a degree. however only recently, as they have also said to other family members 'shes was hard work when she was little and they didnt feel it was relaxing when they came round' oh and apparantly 'shes more interesting now shes a little older'

My mum loves looking after DS, but I don't ask her that often. he has yet to sleep over there, but that is what I'd arrange, so at least she can go to bed when she wants to, and not have to wait up for me to come home.

Not that I ever go out with DP tho....

muminbeds - i dont want her to babysit if shes not interested.

The time will come when they want something from you and then you will be in a position to say no. Imo families should go out of their way to help each other out. If you were asking all the time then it would be fine for your ILs to say no sometimes, but I think it is a sorry state of affairs if they wont babysit sometimes (assuming they are not ill), so no, YANBU

YABU. Do you think it's your right to have your mil babysit?

Well unfortunately it sounds like they're just not interested in helping out then, at least not for a whole evening or until DD is older.

It's a shame they are not more keen, but you can't make them want to look after your DD. They're not obliged to want to look after their GD. At least they've said they would be a last resort babysitter - some GPs would just say no...

So, YANBU to be disappointed that your PILs are the less interested sort, but YABU to be cross really.

it was our first time out, dd 6 months old, neighbours babysat in the end, there fab with her

hairytriangle - no i dont think its my right to expect, far from it! however they have nagged for yrs for a grandchild. saying how they would love to babysit, we were taken aback with the reaction we got it was only for 3 hrs!

lol, this reminds me of the story my mum tells us about when she gave birth to my oldest sister.

my mum had just (and i mean about 30 minutes ago) given birth and my nan (my mums MIL) came in to see the baby she picked her up, cuddled her and said rather sharply 'i dont do babysitting mind' my mum didnt know what to say, luckly my dad was there and retorted with 'we wouldnt want you to anyway' only for my nan to get all up set and defensive and want to know why!!

but no, if shes not intrested and only wants to be used as a last resort, dont use her

It sounds a tad ungracious.

As someone who's MIL constantly presses us to ask her for things, then complains when we actually do, I feel your pain.

Who told you that she'd said those things about your DD though? Sounds like stirring to me.

nomorebooze

sounds like they have found the reality of a small child a little different to the dream. Happens to the best of us

no stirring, MIL has alot of family past, not the most liked member of a large family shall we say, very expectant of others, and becomes arsing if dosent get her own way. FIL does as hes told for an easy life.

Count yourself lucky

Neither of my kids Grandmothers babysit one lives in NZ so its tricky (but never did when we lived there either) - the other lives down the road and I have never asked her to.

My mum does about once a year.

People who have family on tap to help out with childcare really do not know they are born.

ladyanon - i know we live ova an hr away, however did say we would drive her ova. so no excuse about distance

An hour away .

Sorry then YABU.

Well I would have been a bit hurt too if I had got this reaction from the grandparents. Both sets loved to babysit when they had the chance but as they lived some distance away it wasn't always possible.

However, when you say that you "only want people genuinely interested to babysit" what exactly are you expecting? Outside of family the only reason I can think of that someone would babysit is either because you are paying them or because they expect you to return the favour at some point.

Personally, I was always reluctant to get involved in any babysitting circles when DD was young because I don't really like looking after other people's children. Admittedly this meant that we usually ended paying a fortune when we wanted someone ourselves but I was prepared to put up with that rather than feeling under an obligation to someone.

I think it is sad, rather than annoying, when your parents don't want to be involved with your kids much.

It is annoying if they want to see lots of them but never want to help with them - mine would like to be here all the time, sitting on the sofa drinking coffee I have made, watching the dcs play. But they wouldn't dream of playing with them, let alone looking after them or babysitting them. Guess what, we don't see as much of my parents as they would like!

I suppose it is a shock if you thought your parents would babysit and now you've found out that they won't though.

Ahh, well if they said before that when they had a grandchild they'd like to babysit then that makes it a little different.

I do also think that parents pushing their adult children into starting families is unfair and wrong.

I wouldn,t be impressed with a 2 hour round trip whether there was a lift offered

That may explain her reaction

YABU

But it can be boring just sitting in someone elses house whilst baby sleeps.

My daughter is almost 13 and not once has my PIL babysat for me, when I was pregnant I was told by them "well I hope your not expecting us to babysit while you go out galavanting!" So I have never asked them and never will. So in my opinion YANBU