Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my MIL said she'd only babysit if she had to!!!!

53 replies

nomorebooze · 29/06/2010 18:34

To cut story short was having my first night out and we thought we would ask our parents if they would like to babysit, however due to my mothers ill health she was unable. We then asked my inlaws who turned round and said only if your desperate and cant find anyone else. WTF!!!!. We now dont want to ask her as i only want people genuinely interested to babysit in the future. I am being petty to think like this?

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 29/06/2010 19:53

You want her to travel 2 hours to babysit for 3? I'm not surprised she said 'only if you're desperate'

I wouldn't dream of asking my parents to do that - if they babysit (they live an hour away), I take DC to theirs

GiddyPickle · 29/06/2010 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeMeSouviens · 29/06/2010 20:10

I wonder how many GPs come to regret this decision in later years?

DH and his X have a DD, her parents said, don't think we'll be babysitting etc.. for you. However when his X remarried and had more children, they admitted that they regretted the lack of interest in the oldest DD and have been more involved subsequently with the younger ones.

My MIL are of course fab and would do anything to get their hands on our DC at the drop of a hat. It's a pity we're abroad for the moment really.

DuelingFanjo · 29/06/2010 20:14

There's no law which says she has to though, right.

I would never assume that my parents/in-laws would want to.

TrillianAstra · 29/06/2010 20:17

Why should she want to? I'm sure your baby is amazingly fascinating and beautiful but that doesn't mean everyone else has to agree. Some people just aren't interested in small babies/children, even if they are related to them.

She has agreed to do it if you need her to, it sounds rather inconvenient for her, and there is no indication that she would do anything less than a sterling job. So yes, YABU to be annoyed.

MichaelBublesPillow · 29/06/2010 20:21

YABU - Over an hour journey each way to sit for 3 hours. I think maybe you need to check this out

Ghostlove · 29/06/2010 20:25

Firstly, I don't think it shows disinterest in your daughter. Babysitting in the evening generally involves sitting doing nothing in someone else's house while the baby/kid sleeps.

Secondly, grandparent babysitting isn't a right.

Thirdly, there's no way I'd expect my parents to travel for two hours to babysit for me!

In short, yes I think you're being a little unreasonable.

cakeywakey · 29/06/2010 20:28

Like other posters I can understand that a two-hour return journey to babysit could be a bit much for your PIL, or could they have stayed overnight?

Also, in your OP you've said 'we thought we would ask our parents if they would like to babysit' not asking if they could do you a favour and babysit for you. They're doing you the favour, not the other way round.

It may well be that your PIL would not like to - a lot of people don't including my MIL who has only ever looked after my DD for one afternoon when I had to go to a family funeral on my side so couldn't ask my Mum or sisters.

MIL has made it quite clear that looking after any of her GCs is not her cup of tea, she loves them and loves to see them but doesn't offer to have them for any length of time. That's fine with me as she's been clear about it. It's just how it goes sometimes.

Original poster
nomorebooze · 29/06/2010 21:07

No i was going to drive to theres so they could babysit in there own house!

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorebooze · 29/06/2010 21:10

My MIL looked after my niece 5 days a week when my ex SIL was working! im not asking for that wouldnt want it. thought they would jump at chance to babysit for 3 hrs though

OP posts:
toddlerama · 29/06/2010 21:14

YABU. She didn't say she wouldn't help you, just that she wouldn't love it. IMO that is worth more - she's doing it to help you and not for any other reason than kindness to you. She didn't say no. Everyone doesn't love our children as much as we do!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 29/06/2010 22:33

So you were going to drive you DC to theirs for an hour, go out for 3 then drive back for an hour?

Sorry YABU for the sake oif your DC.

echt · 29/06/2010 22:45

What about overnight? When DD was little, her childminder would always babysit, but the rule was we dropped her off, then came to pick her up in the morning.

cat64 · 29/06/2010 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HettiesMum · 30/06/2010 08:48

Could your MIL have been offended that you asked your Mum to babysit first ?

LadyBiscuit · 30/06/2010 08:54

Well maybe she's had enough of looking after children if she did that for your SIL? And presumably your SIL doesn't live an hour's drive away.

And I hate to say this but it's true - I think mothers tend to be much closer to their daughters when they have children rather than their sons. Your SIL may have involved your MIL much more in her pregnancy and since the birth than you have - it tends to be that women want their mums around rather than their MILs. So I can understand that she might feel a bit miffed if you've kept her at arm's length up until now but only want her when you need something.

That may not be the case at all - merely speculating

sunnydelight · 30/06/2010 09:38

YABU and the idea of "jumping at the chance to babysit for three hours" makes me howl! Reality check - babysitting is a service that most people have to pay for.

emptyshell · 30/06/2010 09:57

My mum would be similar (if I ever GET pregnant). She's simply like me - doesn't get gooey over babies (unless they're your own). That's why I can understand it - my mum's the same as me, I'll happily chat away to a nursery/reception aged kid for hours... they make a beeline for me wherever I go (seriously it's like they've got "nice gullible grown up to chatter to" radar) - but babies don't make me go mushy or anything, they're an intermediate stage before I get the maternal yearnings. Bootees don't do it - but patent leather shoes, knee high white socks and the like and I'm a dripping wreck of oestrogen!

I wouldn't have taken it as a "if she has to" though - it's a "blimey that's a really long way, I don't want to see you completely stuck, but if there's anyone else you can get it would possibly be better." Some parents are like that - my mother is, my MIL is the sort who'd run to the ends of the earth for her kids - my mum's very much a "you want me, you know where I am." People are different - she still loves me, she just has a different way of viewing the world and she shows her love in a different, very very practical, arsekicking when I need it way.

Am I like the only person on this site though who gets on better with my MIL than my own mother!?

Stillcounting · 30/06/2010 10:12

Her reaction is hurtful and rather impolitely stated but I think you are being a bit unreasonable ..

We live in one country, my mother lives in another and my in-laws in yet another

All of them are elderly. My mother is not very interested in her grandchildren (except to criticise). And not only have none of them ever baby-sat once, we only get to see one another once a year, if that.

emptyshell · 30/06/2010 10:14

And I quite often say to people about things, "Yeah if you get desperate for help give me a yell" - it doesn't mean anything negative - it's just a way of phrasing things meaning "I'd really rather not but I'll help you out in a pinch."

Original poster
nomorebooze · 30/06/2010 10:18

Thanks for your replys, I will in future not ask her i will either pay for babysitters or ask a friend of mine who loves and offers all the time to look after her. I still feel a bit miffed, why to grandparents make a fuss about having grandkids? In answer to one of the posts she did not know i had asked my mum first!
It still annoys me though she uses our house like a hotel, dosent help, eats my food complains the bed isnt comfy and expects me to buy special food and bog roll for her arrival. never mind rant ova will now bite my tounge and slope away quietly.

OP posts:
Tryharder · 30/06/2010 10:33

YANBU. Families should help each other and pull together. It's not about taking the piss or expecting too much of people as some have implied. Your MIL sounds very selfish and mean spirited.

HettiesMum · 30/06/2010 10:56

After reading your post at 10:18, I agree with Tryharder.

diddl · 30/06/2010 12:22

Yes families should help out.

Depends on how essential you see baby sitting for a night out.

Perhaps like my ILs-won´t help unless it´s on their terms/absolutely at no inconvenience to them.

cat64 · 30/06/2010 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn