"Do you mind if I smoke?"

[Joy27]

It's a rhetorical question really, isn't it? Do smokers really expect the answer to ever be "yes"?

Yes, I do mind if my friends smoke in my garden then want to cuddle my baby.
Yes, I do mind if they smoke when we're in the park with our kids metres away.
Yes, I do mind if we're having a nice drink outside and I have to sit in a cloud of their smoke.

I know it's their choice and it's legal etc etc. But when it's unpleasant for the person with them, would it be reasonable for that person to say yes, they do mind? It would create a very awkward atmosphere imo.

Farting is legal as far as I'm aware, but imagine if I said to a friend "you don't mind if I sit here farting, do you?"

I don't really see the difference. Both smelly, antisocial habits.

(ps I know I sound sanctimonious. I'm an ex-smoker so it's the law )

actually I've asked that and been told that they'd prefer if I didn't (so I didn't)

I am a smoker I ask because I genuinely want your opinion if you said yes I would go do it elsewhere however since the ban came in I never smoke around people.

So it wouldn't be unreasonable/awkward to say yes? That's good to know. Maybe I will next time [wimpy emoticon]

ps when I used to smoke, all my mates did too so we never needed to ask the question!

When I smoked I would always ask (genuinely) and wouldn't mind in the slightest if told no. After all, that's why I asked!

You can't really be too defensive about this topic unless you've said no and it has created an atmosphere or they've done it anyway.

Just say, "I'd rather you didn't".

I've said 'I'd rather you didn't' nothing wrong with that. My DD has asthma - I don't have people smoking in the house, but don't mind if they go into the garden.

Yes, it's a genuine question if I ask it. I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want to smoke around around anyone if they found it offensive. And I wouldn't dream of smoking around children regardless.

nope NBU at all imo, to say you'd prefer they didn't (And if they take a huff or do it regardless I'd question why they were your friend )

If it genuinely bothers you then say so. Otherwise don't whinge about it.

As an asthmatic (severe!) I mind VERY much and wouldn't hesitate in pleasantly saying so, if asked. When outside though, smokers, in my experience, rarely ask if it's okay to smoke, they just do.

I hate this. Most of us dislike any kind of confrontation so we say 'no I don't mind' whilst thinking 'yuk'.

Smokers know this, but ask it so that they can then stink the place out with your 'permission'.

It isn't up to non smokers to have to have the balls to say ' I'd prefer it if you didn't', it's up to smokers to behave with consideration for non smokers, and that includes not putting them in an awkward spot and putting the onus of your habit onto them.

"I'd rather you didn't" is my default response. It is effective and usually causes no offence.

I would think nothing of telling my friends that actually, yes, I do mind. But then they all know me well enough to a) know that would be my reply and b) never to ask me a question they might not like the honest answer to

I personally see no problem with "I'd rather you didn't" as a reply.

Honestly just say no Before I had children I would ask this sort of question if someone was in my house if they said no I went outside we don't mind honestly ladies.

I'd feel impossibly awkward telling somebody not to smoke in their own home, or outdoors as in some of the examples above.

I'd just have to put up with it. Surely if you have a non smoking visitor you just don't smoke, or say 'oh I'm just popping out for a fag' and then if they really really do not mind they could say 'don't be daft have it here'.

It's a bit much to expect people to cheerfully tell you to leave your own home to smoke - and then to take it as a go-ahead when they inevitably say they don't mind.

I don't think I've ever been asked when outside.

Inside most people assume you will mind and don't ask, but simply go outside, but I can't imagine being asked outdoors.

'It's a bit much to expect people to cheerfully tell you to leave your own home to smoke - and then to take it as a go-ahead when they inevitably say they don't mind.' I usually watched if they looked uncomfortable I went outside. Now I smoke away from people all the time anyway so I don't ask anymore.

I don't think it's a rhetorical question.
If you mind, say so.

I wouldn't tell them I minded if it was in their own home. I would mind, if they had invited my kids round and were smoking with them in the room, but I wouldn't feel able to say anything. Would just seethe silently.

I have never smoked in a room with children. why not Joy I tell my nan that I won't go to her house with my dc if she smokes in the house while they are there.

This reminds me of flying on a very long flight once with DP, who insisted on putting his knees up against the seat in front of him.

I said to him in that agonisingly diplomatic voice, 'honey, please don't put your knees against that woman's seat' and his response was 'if she doesn't like it she'll say something'.

My view is that decent and considerate people do not put the onus onto strangers to 'say something', they avoid annoying that person in the first place.

DP was, therefore, being an arse.

I used to smoke, pre dd days and if I visited friends with lo's I would not smoke for 3 hours before seeign them (read somewhere that's how long it takes your lungs to clear out the chemicals)

It's awkward isn't it?
Especially when they already have the fag in their mouths and are lighting up...

I'm dreading all of this 3 hour stuff. My Mum, MIL and step mum all smoke.

I have absolutely no idea how or if I will be able to actually say to them 'when did you last smoke' when the awaited messiah, I mean DGC arrives.