"Do you mind if I smoke?"

[Joy27]

It's a rhetorical question really, isn't it? Do smokers really expect the answer to ever be "yes"?

Yes, I do mind if my friends smoke in my garden then want to cuddle my baby.
Yes, I do mind if they smoke when we're in the park with our kids metres away.
Yes, I do mind if we're having a nice drink outside and I have to sit in a cloud of their smoke.

I know it's their choice and it's legal etc etc. But when it's unpleasant for the person with them, would it be reasonable for that person to say yes, they do mind? It would create a very awkward atmosphere imo.

Farting is legal as far as I'm aware, but imagine if I said to a friend "you don't mind if I sit here farting, do you?"

I don't really see the difference. Both smelly, antisocial habits.

(ps I know I sound sanctimonious. I'm an ex-smoker so it's the law )

Sigh Morris I may be a smoker but I feel your pain I had the same argument with my family. I said two hours and a change of clothes hands washed. Still caused ructions and I was accused of using the smoking to limit people time with my baby hope it goes well for you .

I find a lot of people who come to mine and then go outside will stand in the doorway and all the smoke comes in and stinks still then anyway - which pisses me off as I gave up for a reason .

When you have already asked them to go outside how do you them shove them physically out the door and close it without looking a little anal?

And then theres the fag butts....grrrr....don't get me started!!!!

Ladyanonomous I ask them to close the door please as I don't want the flies if summer or the cold if winter.

The sly one you sometimes get is the rhetorical 'You don't mind if I smoke do you?'... usually as the lighter is half way to the cigarette. Those people really don't expect to hear 'Yes I do'.

Grrrr fag butts. We have several business next door and they seem to think that the gutter is a bin for fag ends - it is heaving with them. Revolting.

Fortunately I live in Paris and the street cleaners are very good. So I only notice it once a week or so.

You're lucky, I have friends who actually do sit there farting.

(And no, they don't ask beforehand)

If I'm eating or it's in my house or in a car where I'm confined I'll say I'd prefer if they didn't, other than that (especially if we're outside) I don't really feel I have a right to tell them what to do or complain so I say let them have at it. It's my problem not theirs.

yabu apart from the garden one.
tbh in the other places why would anyone need your permision

Because it's polite? And maybe some people don't wan to sit breathing in other people's smoke?

When I smoked I used to ask and it was a genuine question. Smoking has become more unacceptable since then though.

Apart from anything else, you can't light up in someone elses house without sorting out what/where/how first as you wouldn't have an ashtray.

So the question was - Do you mind if I smoke? Shall I go outside? What shall I use as an ashtray?

Oh sorry the OP was about people smoking outside.

I don't think I ever used to ask permission for outdoors smoking. None of my friends had children when I smoked so that didn't really come up. People I know who smoke now go right to the end of the garden, i think that there would be a if they were told they couldn't smoke at all or to go out onto the street in front of the house.

When people are asking "do you mind if I smoke" what they usually actually mean is "where can I smoke", I think.

I've had a go at guests for smoking on the street outside of my house - sooooooo erm (sorry) chavvy .

I am a snob - I apologise.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Before all the anti smoking stuff it was always right to ask if you were in someone else's home/office whatever and it was a real question.

It was also polite to ask if it was your place though you didn't really expect anyone to say they minded. Still if they did say you would wait and smoke later. It would only arise with strangers or you'd already know how they felt.

It was never expected to ask outside and I certainly wouldn't. Nor would I stop if asked outside.

My parents taught me over 30 years ago (ie when smoking was still common everywhere) to say (depending on the circumstances) "I'd rather you didn't" or "Actually I do" (the latter if they were being presumptuous).

What's the point in asking if you don't want to hear the answer?

Yes - but would you stop if you were in someone garden?

It really pisses me off. It pisses me off when we are walking and the smoke drifts into ds's face (he's the perfect height), it pisses me off when we have to walk through the smoke cloud to enter a building.

It used to be unspeakably rude to not let a guest smoke in your house, or to make point of opening windows etc., what's the official Debrett's line these days?

I'd rather be rude then breathe in their smoke.

I wouldn't ask outside ...

If I was asked to stop in someone garden I would put it out most carefully and without complaint and take it with me when I left. Which would be right away.

my take as a smoker - I don't smoke in front of my kid or anyone elses (it works as ds today saw a sign on coach and I explained it was non smoking and I explained and he said what's smoking).

But that's my issue with smoking with a child and he clearly doesn't know. Good. When we go to ils overseas - OK mil doesn't smoke and if I feel the need I go outside but it's a smoking culture and we are contantly going to family who smoke in their house - and it's their house and they have every right but it's hard taking ds outside their house to avoid their smoking every 5 mins.

And that's said as a smoker.

And can I say I always felt like a hardended smoker - on a school stip today for 12 hours I didn't feel the need to smoke at all OMG!- all the other smokers were struggling and felt they were going bonkers. And I didn't at all - so tonight I'm going back to the non smoking cd's and dvds as I'm not a lost cause after all - so chuffed with myself (they were so puffed with themselves) so let's see what I can do about it right now.

Ohh. Buyt I did give up before and I was a proper non smoker ie I didn't at all mind freinds lighting up in my home (prior to kids being born) at all.

Smoking isn't chavvy - it's an addiction and a complex and psychological one at that.

I'm not a chav - I'm a person who was probably better traveled at 4 years old than most people now - a person who speaks three languages. Not a chav - a sad addict (or maybe not as addicted as I thought).If I wasn't additcted to this might I be addicted to alchohol or speed or coke - is that chavvy? No.

giveitago

I said I felt a group of people stood on the street outside my house smoking was chavvy, I did not say I thought smoking - in itself -was chavvy.

• and good luck