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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think BF-ing a 2yr old is, um, weird?

1000 replies

Lucy85 · 25/06/2010 16:11

Well what do you think? I know it's a very emotive subject, but I've seen it a couple of times and it makes me come over all strange.
I BFed my baby exclusively until 7 months when I went back to work, but the thought of doing it now is just plain odd, - not wrong, it's just I can't imagine doing it to someone who can walk, talk, get their own drinks, eats proper food and is too big to lie sideways on my lap.

OP posts:
lemonysweet · 29/06/2010 14:26

ahh booyhoo i did mention that id only read up to page 10 of the thread, and that message usually comes across on other BF threads or ranty news articles.
also, i wasnt trying to be offensive with the attachment thing, i just think that it would be very hard to wean off a 4 year old whos so use to the comfort of the breast, and then that 4 year old might get excessively attached to something else. im not saying having a comfort blankie is a bad thing, but id guess the feeling of loss would be more pronounced after 4 years of BF for mother and child, than for 18months.

and why do you think i have a chip on my shoulder? i was trying to add to the discussion in the same way you are, and you come and attack me for it?

ReneRusso · 29/06/2010 14:28

times link didn't work

kittywise · 29/06/2010 14:28

Hope the OP got a good bashing can't be arsed to read though. I'm still BF my three year old OP, so stick that in your pipe.

LeninGoooaaall · 29/06/2010 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lemonysweet · 29/06/2010 14:32

id just like to reiterate the fact that i see nothing wrong with EBF
i see more wrong with the arguments for it. do what you want, dont feel like you have to justify yourself to people who judge you. like me, who wouldnt judge you for feeding a 3 year old at all but would probably be concerned that there were other issues involved if you were feeding a child at school. strange logic i know.

LeninGoooaaall · 29/06/2010 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booyhoo · 29/06/2010 14:38

you mentioned that you had only read the first 15 pages , not 10. anyway, that is by the by. you still put in quotes that breats were not sexual organs. implying that a poster on this thread had written it. how can you base your post on something that wasn't even said? that is what makes me think you have a chip in your shoulder. you rae reading things that aren't even there. it as if you are making up the other side of the argument just to make your response feel justified.

i will not respond to any more of your posts because you dont make sense.

otchayaniye · 29/06/2010 14:39

Oh curryfreak

Those butchers' apostrophes render your credibility as a spokesperson for the educated middle-class mother worthless.

whops out huge veiny tit all over the shop

thatbuzzingnoise · 29/06/2010 14:39

from whose experience or which piece of published evidence have you deduced what you said, lemonysweet?

Rollmops · 29/06/2010 14:40

YANBU, OP. I suppose I'll better don the pointy hat and wait for the Auto de fe'...
My reasoning is simple - our 2.5 DTs can hold a conversation about planets and spiders[yukkk] amongst other things, flipping my boobs out in the middle of a discussion concerning volcanoes for example, would be just utterly weird.
Tiz my opinion, however each their own.

ifiwereamillionaire · 29/06/2010 14:41

hahaha just tooooo long to read it all.

I EBF ds until 18mo (now 3y6mo)when he self weaned and am currently bf dd (18mo) with no end in sight. I night weaned at 14mo and cut day feeds to morning and before bed and intend to wean fully by 2y. I would not be comfortable feeding beyond 2y, if someone wants to continue BF dc it is their choice and I don't believe it is damaging.

Other parenting choices I have witnessed make me shiver more such as dummies after 3y, baby bottles foddlers filled with juice, toddlers drinking Irn Bru etc.

It is my right to feel uncomfortable and decide not to allow my children to do these things.

booyhoo · 29/06/2010 14:43

i still dont get why it has anything to do with anyone other than the mother and child involved.

otchayaniye · 29/06/2010 14:44

But rollmops, you are very unlikely to flip your boobs out during such a conversation.

You are more liekly to feed at set times, such as bedtime, morning and in the night, or if the child is very upset. Not on your call, but the child's.

My child was speaking from 9 months and in 6+ word sentences at 13/14 months. But she was still very much a baby. Do I then decide to withdraw it. Does not withdrawing it make me an ebf loon?

slushy06 · 29/06/2010 14:48

''I know plenty of middle class guardian reading liberated, smart and sassy women who find the thought of breast feeding a child beyond babyhood gross.(not just the uneducated working class single mothers that you would like to think dont get bf) There is everthing wrong and nothing right about a four year old sucking on it's mothers nipple. it's wrong on every level. End of..You loony ebf can witter on as much as you like. Thank god you are still in the minority..'' There is a big difference between education and wisdom curryfreak many who have one have not the other, and some who have have the other have not the one.

curryfreak · 29/06/2010 14:49

otchay, so you are an ebf who is humourless as well. What a surprise

slushy06 · 29/06/2010 14:50

link bytweedledee

ifiwereamillionaire · 29/06/2010 14:50

oops pressed post instead of preview

hmmm where was I....

It is my right to feel uncomfortable and decide not to allow my children to do these things. It is the other parents right to do them without fear of being accosted by me in the street.

OP YANBU to feel ucomfortable with EBF and choosing not to do it. It wasn't for you!

EBF suits other families and is a great source of comfort and nutrition for their DC. They don't feel weird doing it...it is a natural continuation of their relationship which has a natural end (around 7 I think) when the child loses it's ability to latch on.

slushy06 · 29/06/2010 14:51

Nope still not working .

thatbuzzingnoise · 29/06/2010 14:55

here it the times article

"But this has implications for a child?s independence in the long term. Learning to look after yourself ? which includes, from a young age, feeding yourself ? is about learning to rely on yourself, and making your own decisions. A child who is breast-fed for too long may not even know when it is hungry. Children need to start trying to do things for themselves, and they won?t if it is easier to just ask Mummy (you see this extended dependence on their parents even in adults, who have never moved on from being a little girl or boy). "

oh such drivel.

So, by implication, would this article suggest that my 18 mo old go over to the kitchen and make itself a sandwich? You know because he recognises he is hungry and promotes independence in feeding.

and

having an 18 month old breastfeeding is then catapulted into him becoming a 40 yo still living at home.

Aye, interesting drivel quotes:

"if you are the perfect mother to your children, always anticipating their needs and meeting these perfectly, they never grow up" - nope both of mine were in full time nursery from well before 1yo but still breastfed on demand when together. Because it is a helluva lot easier than ordering takeaways preparing organic meals everytime.

"mothers feel so empty that they can?t tolerate their own loneliness, and perhaps their partner is unable to meet their needs, that they see their baby as a kind of extension of their childhood dolls, and they can?t let their children grow."

Yep, me lonely. Full time working mum, dh who works away all week. Where do I find the time to be lonely and treat them as an extension of childhood dolls which I never had.

Rollmops · 29/06/2010 14:56

True, otchayaniye, however, the issue is not really when would I flip them out; BFng children who are capable of expressing their opinions and talk about the world simply does not feel right to me. They will always be my babies though, as we all are to our parents.

otchayaniye · 29/06/2010 15:05

Fair enough rollmops, I can see how that might be the time when you decide to stop. I have to admit I do sometimes do a double take when she asks me so politely 'please can I have some on the sofa ("no")

But having passed through that stage it isn't at all weird. After all, you do it so much its completely normal.

As it happens, I am trying to wean first at night then maybe the feed-to-sleep as I haven't had a period and want to TTC. It's fucking hard weaning. Not that easy, they tell you how to start, but not how to stop.

Will I be sad? Yes a bit, but not so sad that it will stop me. Part of me wants to let her self wean, but I can't wait too long to TTC as I have Ashermans and at 38 am long of tooth.

Mingg · 29/06/2010 15:07

Thatbuzzingnoise, ok nothing in the article applies to you - it could possibly apply to someone else though?

booyhoo · 29/06/2010 15:12

mingg of course that article could apply to someone, the same way you could say that a mother formula fed because she thinks of her breasts only as sexual. it doesn't apply to all mothers who formula feed but it could apply to one. your point doesn't make any sense.

slushy06 · 29/06/2010 15:13

'And if the mother shows that breast-feeding is important to her then the child, who may not want to breast-feed but doesn?t want to hurt his mother, does what she wants. Using their children?s sympathy is something many mothers do ? one of the more blatant ways is to say: ?If you don?t do this, Mummy will be really upset.?' I am sorry ladies I am PSML over this drivel quote, I mean us ebf have no life and never once sit there thinking hurry up with this feed so I can go back and do something else.

'It?s very easy to become a martyr to breast-feeding ? and it?s not necessary to do this to yourself. ' So in one breath we are hating doing this just being a martyr for the cause and in another we are forcing our dc to bf because we enjoy it so much ROFL .

thatbuzzingnoise · 29/06/2010 15:16

yep, it could apply to someone else.

the range of reasons for doing anything as a parent is as varied as there are mothers.

similarly, breastfeeding, food, potty training or any other factor of parenting can be used to foster an overdependent relationship. The problem is not breastfeeding. This is another issue.

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