To think BF-ing a 2yr old is, um, weird?

[Lucy85]

Well what do you think? I know it's a very emotive subject, but I've seen it a couple of times and it makes me come over all strange.
I BFed my baby exclusively until 7 months when I went back to work, but the thought of doing it now is just plain odd, - not wrong, it's just I can't imagine doing it to someone who can walk, talk, get their own drinks, eats proper food and is too big to lie sideways on my lap.

proudnsad I suggest you read a few studies and reasearch done on breastfeeding before making uneducated statements like 'Let's get real here, children do not need breast milk for health reasons past the first few months'. You're entitled to an opinion as to whether breastfeeding beyond a few months was in yours and your childs benefit, but your statement above is factually incorrect.

The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) quote 'Extensive research using improved epidemiologic methods and modern laboratory techniques documents diverse and compelling advantages for infants, mothers, families, and society from breastfeeding and use of human milk for infant feeding. These advantages include health, nutritional, immunologic, developmental, psychologic, social, economic, and environmental benefits. Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child.' In the UK, the Department of Health and NHS support the WHO advice and recommendation of exclusive breastfeeding to 6mth and supplementary breastfeeding to 2yrs or longer.

Just caught up with this. I do think it's unusual for babies to self-wean before a year. I deeply wish I'd known that. At 8m DD would have her morning BF in bed and would crawl off after a relatively short time. I thought she didn't enjoy it anymore. If I'd known other BFing mums back then, I'd have realised that she'd just got quicker at feeding and was still happy to do it. I could've carried on so much longer

I know loads of mums who've thought their babies didn't want BF and stopped early, but often it was a temporary glitch like teething or illness, and they wish they'd carried on.

It makes me feel uncomfortable. I dont know why, and i wish it didnt, but i'm being honest. I was breast fed until i was two and a half, the thought of that makes me feel ill. Again, i dont know why. i do feel embarrassed about my feelings towards breast feeding but it does turn my stomach. Im fine-ish with newborns being fed, but from when the baby is responding etc i feel so wierd about it. I tend to leave the area when i see someone breastfeeding, i know my feeling are unreasonable and i have educated myself to the hilt trying to change what i feel. i didnt feed my children and i feel guilty about it and sorry for them

CoupleofKooks - Anything unusual will be seen by some people as weird.

It is either disingenuous or plain idiotic to think that extended breast feeders will not be seen as weird.

Part of the problem is that when extended BFing is documented by media, the families involved often are weird. Deliberately so on the part of the producers I'm sure.

If a documentary was made that featured normal, everyday families that more people could relate to, who happened to be BFing toddlers (of which there are many on this thread), this would be a big first step to normalising it.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou - The point is extended breastfeeding shouldn't be unusual. WHO, AAP, Department of Health and NHS all recommend exclusive breastfeeding to 6mth and supplementary feeding to 2yrs and beyond.

I am certainly not being 'disingenuous' or 'plain idiotic' to question why following recommendations by RESPECTED healthcare organisations is perceived as weird.

I thought the optimum time for bfing was 2 years? And that in some countries this is the norm?

ooo what bunny said just read that. We have the power to avert our eyes at the end of the day if it is making us uncomfortable

good point crazycatlady, the media doesn't help making a spectacle out of it

Anything that is unusual for you will seem weird this is NOT the same as disapproving.

I have never seen anyone breastfeed, let alone breastfeed a toddler, so yes, I would find it weird. BUT I fully intend to feed DD until she wants to stop, and if that is aged 7 so be it.

I am heterosexual, so I find homosexuals a bit weird. This DOES NOT mean that I think it is wrong.

I used to think black people were weird when I went to London, I had never seen anyone black where I lived in Sussex.

If something is different to what you are usually exposed to it will seem weird. Visible extended breastfeeding is uncommon, therefore will seem weird.

Weird is not necessarily a value judgement.

I have read the whole of this thread with great interest.

My DS is now 5.10 and was born by ECS after 2 days of labour. I was bed bound (flat) for 24 hours due to the severity of my contrctions when the epidural was administered. He was born in a spanish country. There was no one to help and advise me with BF and if it wasn't for the kind asisstance of the new mum in my room (there were 3 of us) I doubt that BF would have happened - and I wanted to BF. She showed me - literally - how to massage my breat and held ds for me as he latched on. Unfortunatly at 7 weeks he was crying contantly and it transpired my milk had just stopped - 2 weeks later I was diagnosed with viral liver inflammation (possibly the reason)

Reading people who chose to EBF saying formula is powered crap is hurtful as some us had NO choice.

I however do find the idea of a 2 year old walking up and demanding the breast a 'strange' concept but having read all the lovely posts from mums who choose to do this it is something I would certainly consider if I was ever lucky enough to have another DC.

There is always going to be judgements about this sort of thing but I find the insults are coming from both sides so just consider we don't all fit into a nice neat little text book and have to do what we can.

YABVU, its not weird, its natural and tbh none of anyone else bussiness.
Health recommends till 2years and if other countries children are BF till they are atleast 5years old. Its only a problem for those that see breasts as a sex object, rather than what they are meant for.

I haven't read all this thread but it really saddens me to hear women with such strong views against breastfeeding toddlers. You make it sound like something harmful (comparing it to eating biscuits, ffs).

If we were meant to stop bf at 3 months, 6 month, one year,.... (insert random age here) then our breasts would cease to produce milk at this age. BF is natural and the only reason people think it is weird/wrong/creepy etc is because we have been brought up in a society where breasts are seen as sexual. If we fed toddlers milk from our arm rather than our breasts then no-one would bat an eyelid.

Breastfing, or not, to whatever age is a parenting choice so everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I do find the ignorance shown in some of these threads rather depressing.

DH just pointed out that if women fed children from their arm then blokes would be like "fwoar, look at the arms on her!!". It's so true. Men are attracted to big boobs (generally) as it is a sub conscious reaction to mean 'she can feed loads of children'. Animal instinct and all that. That has cheered me up. Nature is just brill.

Great post ItsAllGoingToBeFine. I'm not sure if that's how the OP meant it (the 'um' didn't help...) but I think your post sums up what at least some people might be feeling when they say it's weird - not everyone means it as a value judgment (although some certainly do).

I thought the same thing notsotinybaba!

BabyDubs i am sad to read your post
i feel passionate about breastfeeding and it has given me some of the happiest memories of being with my children, but i am in no doubt that there is a WHOLE lot more to being a good parent than breastfeeding
we all do the best we can with what we have - you weren't able to overcome your feelings despite trying as hard as you can
i don't know what else you could have done - i think you should stop making yourself feel guilty about it

TheCoalitionNeedsYou
is it "disingenuous or plain idiotic" to ask someone not to call me and many others on this thread weird because we make a different choice to you? it's insulting - you aren't a child who doesn't realise what they are saying - civilised tolerant people don't call other people weird because they are different

"If a documentary was made that featured normal, everyday families that more people could relate to, who happened to be BFing toddlers (of which there are many on this thread), this would be a big first step to normalising it. "

agree - but not much of a story in "normal woman feeds her child with part of her body designed to do so"

about weird not being a value judgement - come on, you surely know that weird has a completely different message to other words such as "unusual" "not the norm"
it's only one step away from "freak", isn't it?

BabyDubs your post made me sad too but I admire your honesty.

Read a letter in a La Leche League magazine, saying that we must not blame individual mothers for FFing, as they are victims (possibly too strong a term? not sure) of the modern FF culture. Totally true IMHO.

BunnyJo - "The point is extended breastfeeding shouldn't be unusual."

Maybe not. But it is.

"I am certainly not being 'disingenuous' or 'plain idiotic' to question why following recommendations by RESPECTED healthcare organisations is perceived as weird."

No you aren't and I didn't say you were. I said
extended breastfeeding IS percieved as weird. Because it is.

CoupleofKooks - "is it "disingenuous or plain idiotic" to ask someone not to call me and many others on this thread weird because we make a different choice to you?"

Of course it isn't. And I didn't say it was. I said is IS perceived as weird. Which it is.

I don't care WHAT you do. I find the faux astonishment that people express when this is commented on tiresome.

If you breastfeed an older child in public, people will look, whisper and stare and some will call you a weirdo. You are doing something outside social norms, so they are not being unreasonable in being surprised, interested, or even offended. The fact that YOU think this should be a social norm does not change other peoples reactions.

For the avoidance of ambiguity: -

Regardless of the pros and cons, extended breastfeeding is perceived as weird. Everyone knows this. It is not unreasonable to think this in a culture where it is very rare. Stop acting all surprised when it happens.

I wasn't a victim of FF culture. I was a victim of severe hyperemesis. Your body can't produce fluids to nurture others when it can't produce enough to keep you alive.

I do feel uncomfortable when I see an older child BF. Not sure it's anything to do with shoes, though. I think it's more that a walking, talking, biscuit eating, painting, possibly potty trained child to me is no longer a 'baby'. It is an individual (although still dependent) being. I stopped giving my babies milk in a bottle at around 18 months, because to me it looked wrong (not to mention the teeth/speech issue). They used a cup. Although, oddly, I had no problem with them having dummies at bed time until they were nearly three. Wouldn't have let them wander about with them though, and I don't know why.

There clearly is a story in it though kooks if such a great proportion of society finds breastfeeding beyond the newborn stage uncomfortable to do or witness.

So many everyday activities make great telly. It is a human interest story. One Born Every Minute was an everyday programme about everyday births, there was nothing freaky or alarmist about it. Yes I know that childbirth is more interesting to a lot of people than feeding but the principle is the same.

Next time I am dealing with an independent producer or speaking to C4 I will bring it up in conversation and see what the reaction is.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou - you keep saying that extended breastfeeding is perceived as weird because it's unusual. But is that what you think?

Perceiving a minority group as weird, simply because what they do is not the norm, is a form of prejudice. Especially when there is no decent justification, beyond the person's own discomfort, for that opinion.

How can it be that moving on to drinking cow's breastmilk is considered natural, but continuing to drink a mother's breastmilk is considered 'weird'?

It's unhelpful and wrong for people to object to extended breastfeeding, purely because visualising their own older child suddenly being breastfed produces feelings with which they are uncomfortable.

For mothers who breastfeed for years rather than months, it's just a day by day continuation of something the child has to want, for it to happen.

I assure you, it is not faux astonishment, it is genuine astonishment at people's very real RUDENESS
no-one here is arguing extended breastfeeding is a social norm
no-one here is arguing that extended breastfeeding is something ordinary or that is seen every day
some of us are arguing that we deserve RESPECT and TOLERANCE and not to be called names and insulted and called weird

if you think that anything out of your everyday experience is weird and to be sneered at and looked down on, stared and whispered about, then i am GENUINELY astonished by your behaviour
it is what i would expect from badly behaved children, not educated adults
do you point, stare and whisper about people using wheelchairs? speaking different languages? people who might have different skin colours? They aren't the norm, either - are they 'perceived as weird'? Do you defend people's right to be shocked and offended by them?