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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2.5 yr old sleep over

78 replies

teresac · 25/06/2010 08:17

what age do people think it's appropriate for children to stay overnight by themselves at their grand-parents(-in-law)?

OP posts:
borderslass · 25/06/2010 08:19

what difference does it make if their your parent or your DH's their still the childs grandparents my eldest first stayed at her grandparents overnight at 8 months old.

belgo · 25/06/2010 08:20

at about the age of 18 months.

Callisto · 25/06/2010 08:23

At about age 14, but then both grandmothers are very frail.

ellenb · 25/06/2010 08:24

I think it depends on how much time they see the child. My inlaws live near by and see my kids at least 3 times a week, but I wouldn't let them sleep over till the eldest was 3.5 and his sister 1.5. My kids are very comfortable there and I do appreciate the odd night when I can sleep all night without bed invaders and being woke at 5.30 am! I think you never feel truly comfortable the first time - but you know your child, and if you think they would enjoy it why not?

Wanderingsheep · 25/06/2010 08:25

I think it depends on the parents and how comfortable they feel with leaving them for a night.

My mindee was often sleeping over at his GPs. He's 2 but he's been sleeping over for a while, I think if his parents have needed a babysitter etc.

DD hasn't slept over at anyones house yet. My Mum's or DP's parents. We arranged for her to stop at ILs one night when we were going out but we didn't end up going so she didn't go. I think she was about 15 months at the time. She's 3 now.

mamaloco · 25/06/2010 08:25

depends of the GPs and the amount of trust you have in their methods and how fit they are. Few months with my mums, may be about 6 years with my MIL . she is lovely but I don't think she can handle DD1 and her big house is a death trap. Agree with borderslass, in itself it doesn't matters if it is your parents or your DH's. It is all about what they can do, how they live and what they think about toddler playing with knifes...

Besom · 25/06/2010 08:29

I think it depends on different factors: the closeness of the relationship with the grand parents and how well the child sleeps/settles at bed time.

My dd is 2.2 and I'm thinking about this as a possibility but I think initially we would be there to put her to bed and then hopefully she would just sleep through until the morning. She is used to being cared for by the grandparents though. My nephew is 23 months and regularly stays at granny's but he has been doing that almost since birth.

Wanderingsheep · 25/06/2010 08:31

What I meant to add is that I don't think that there is any right or wrong, but if you're uncomfortable with them sleeping over at a young age then you could perhaps wait till an age where they start asking to stay at their GPs.

mistletoekisses · 25/06/2010 09:14

depends on the child and the grandparents and their relationship.

my nephew regularly spent nights at my mums from when he was 3 months old. DS1 spent a night at my mums when he was about 12 months old. Both boys have always been fine and actually look forward to it.

janajos · 25/06/2010 09:22

It depends on the realationship with the grandparents. My mum and dad are really hands on and all of their 7 grandchildren (not all my C) have been happy staying with them from babies (months old). They are also very fit and active and so do lots of fun activities with them. My MIL doesn't even remember their birthdays!! She wants to have our youngest (12 months old) to stay this summer - over my dead body!!

AlCrowley · 25/06/2010 09:24

DS slept at my in laws for the first time at about 5 months old while we went to a wedding.

But he was GC6 and they are totally set up for children - cot, highchair, changing mats, toys etc MIL even has baby shampoo and a toothbrush each for when various GCs stay over.

It made going into hospital to have DD much less stressful as I knew he was happy and comfortable while I was in for 3 days. He had a whale of a time.

DD is now 6 months old and hasn't slept over yet but that's mainly because she won't take expressed milk in a bottle.

ShinyAndNew · 25/06/2010 09:29

dd1 was formula fed. She first slept at her great grans when she was just 3 weeks old, so I could have a much needed Xmas night out with friends.

Dd2 is three and has never slept out, but she is not a good sleeper and I don't think anyone could cope with her. My mum keeps threatening to have her.

I agree it depends very much on the child and the relationship with the grandparents.

muminthecity · 25/06/2010 09:54

DD first stayed overnight at my mum's when she was 5 months, she's 4 now and sleeps over there about once a month. I will never ever let her sleep over at exMIL's house but that is another thread!

Devendra · 25/06/2010 10:04

My DS first stayed over at around 16 months.. they have him for one night a month for us and we all really benefit from it.

runnybottom · 25/06/2010 10:25

Children don't have grandparents-in-law. They're just grandparents.

Original poster
teresac · 25/06/2010 17:06

Thanks for your comments everyone.

OP posts:
Maylee · 25/06/2010 17:09

Out of interest though OP - why did you use the term grandparents-in-law?

Sherida · 25/06/2010 17:18

My DD stayed with my Mum at 8 weeks due to me being so unwell I literaly couldn't move. Since then, she's stayed overnight at least once a month, and loves it! She has an amazing relationship with her Nana, and sees her 3 or 4 times a week. DD is 2.4 now and my Mum loves having her, and often takes her to the park or whatever. I am so lucky .

piscesmoon · 25/06/2010 17:18

How can you have grandparents -in-law -sorry I am also intrigued? I can see that they are not your birth family, but they are the DCs birth family.
I asked them to stay over in our house first, without me, but then they moved on to the grandparent's house by about 14/15 months.
I wouldn't have had one set and not the other as if my ILs are somehow second class grandparents!

driedapricots · 25/06/2010 17:22

earlier the better imo... it's a win win win situation to encourage close relationships with all grandparents. they love it, kids love it and get different perspectives and we get a rest! mine stayed with my mum from 8 weeks and dh's parents from about 3/4 months. she was absolutely fine. i imagine it gets harder if you start it when they're older otherwise they don't know any different.

piscesmoon · 25/06/2010 17:25

I agree driedapricots-it was just home from home-everyone was happy. If you wait, I would imagine it is much more difficult.

SarfEasticated · 25/06/2010 17:38

I agree too dried apricot, my dd (nearly 3) loves staying at her gp's and dd and I love having some time to ourselves. Makes us all very happy

piscesmoon · 25/06/2010 19:25

I'm still hoping that OP will come back and tell us how a baby can have grandparents -in- law.

MumNWLondon · 25/06/2010 19:28

Not sure what you mean grandparents in law!!!

DD stayed there for a couple of nights aged 8 months. Don't think minimum age - I would say when not being breastfed and consistently sleeping all night.

choufleur · 25/06/2010 19:32

DS (4) first stayed with my parents when he was about 8 weeks, he stays with them fairly regularly now. They only live 10 mins away and my mum looks after him a lot while I'm at work. He has never stayed with ILs despite regular hints. They live farther away and its only more recently that DS has spent considerable time with them alone as MIL only retired last year. I would be happy for him to stay there if he wanted to, but he has said when asked if he would like to go for a sleepover there that he doesn't, unless I go too.

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