2.5 yr old sleep over

[teresac]

what age do people think it's appropriate for children to stay overnight by themselves at their grand-parents(-in-law)?

doh sarcastic

btw i did read everything you posted !!

We're a bit lacking in responsible gps in our house, but dd stayed over with a friend of mine at 5 months old and would happily have gone ever since. Lordy, the gps-in law obviously mangaged to bring up at least ONE child to adulthood....

Ds1 slept at my parents for the first time at 9 months of age, she had wanted to have him before that but I wasn't ready to let him. She then had ds2 at a similar age I think, maybe slightly younger. Mil had ds1 for the first time at 3.5 years and ds2 at 18 months. They have more regular contact with my parents and it is more home from home there than at my in laws, plus the in laws never really offered. As yet neither have stayed over night with fil and step mil, not sure how they would cope as they are a bit panicky and I worry that may distress the children and make them difficult to settle.

OK well I'll leave you all to chat amongst yourselves. Thanks for your comments. I'll make up my own mind of course.

i should

I never get this. Your parents and PIL brought up you and your dh. But they seem by default to be unable to care for their gcs.? Why? Unless there are health, or serious relationship issues.....what is going to happen?

dgs was 2 when I looked after him overnight.I was scared that it would distress him to be in a strange bed and not have his Mummy or Daddy there.I stayed at their house and dd and her oh went away overnight.Dgs was great-he came in in the morning and said,'You are looking after me pranma,lets play cars.'It was 5.30am!!!!

do some people just use MN just to be virtual bitches or am i reading some of the messages above in the wrong way??

I think you have to go with what your happy with. My DS1 slept over at about 5 months old - he was a brilliant sleeper. He was bf and I expressed his feeds beforehand and then had to pump like crazy while staying in a tent (glam!)

My DS2 slept over from about 18months but then that was because he was a nightmare sleeper that I wouldn't inflict on anyone else.....

My sister had never let her children sleep anywhere else her kids are 4 and 3. Each to their own but it is great if the kids are used to the change.

However for you it sounds like there is a whole lot of issues relating to trust of your mil.

me ? virtual bitch ?

swallowedAfly thanks for that - you make a good point about them seeing the way we parent and using that as a role model for a new approach. You obviously read my posts carefully and I appreciate your openness. Cheers.

driedapricots - I couldn't agree more. strange isn't it?

DD1 stayed with my mum regulary from 8 weeks or so. DD2 is 7.5mo and I still haven't had a night off. DPs parents will only take DD1 overnight.

It is perfectly reasonable to feel more comfortable with DCs staying with one set of GPs than another.

I have a good relationship with my in-laws - and yes, they raised my (ex)DH but they come from a totally different school of childrearing and were unable to understand mine/DHs. My mother is, like me, towards the demand BFing, attachment parenting end of the scale, while my MIL is from the cry it out, 4-hourly bottles school of childrearing. They are all still valued as GPs and have spent lots of time with DS - but I would not leave him with the in-laws overnight.

OP - in answer to your question, it just depends what your child is comfortable with.

chicadee - you sound like you share my parenting approach and yes my mother-in-law favours your mother-in-law's...they are just different approaches - fundamentally different - this is certainly at the heart of my reservations.

I left both mine with both sets, but then both sets followed our approach. As a grandparent I would expect to go with the flow. I have had my turn and done it my way, so I can't see why I would want to do it my way again. A grandparent's role is completely different in my view.

9 weeks for us.

piscesmoon I agree but alas in this case I think there is some need on my mother-in-law's part to have her own approach (which incidentally didn't turn out so well)reaffirmed as the right one. She wants to do it again and prove that she is right...but that's just a tiny part of it - like I said, she's quite tricky as she has a load of issues regarding child raising that she doesn't even recognize are there and really need dealing with. To be honest she needs some therapy (which she did start having at one point and it really helped but then she stopped sadly)and I don't really want her working through her issues with our kids. That's not grand-parenting it something else!

I think that rather than saying 'what age' you have to decide at what age, if ever, you leave them with difficult grandparents.

yes, only now am I really realizing quite what the real issue is here. It's one of my approach v theirs - age does sort of come into it in that there is probably an age where they will be more able to weather any sort of parenting style and it won't matter so much.

I asked the question about age really because this is the basis upon which I've said no to them at the moment...

so sum up I suppose I think she's too young for their style of parenting (given what she's used). It's a delicate subject isn't it?