To have been a bit short with my DH when he told me

[tomme]

he is not staying away at work tonight but coming home after all.

He works part of the week at home and part away he only left this morning and is now on way back.

Trouble is after being on holiday and the DH working from home and everyone just being around I was really looking forward to quiet night pleasing myself and having some time just for me-once kids are in bed.

DH is a real stickler for eating at a certain time and kids going to bed at same time every night etc. which I normally don t mind but already had in mind a much more relaxed evening with kids and later bedtime cause sun is out, followed by evening with tv off or just watching what I want.

Told DH I wouldn't be cooking, kids are going to bed when I say not dead on 7pm and the tv would be off and he got really huffy and said it felt like I didn't want him home.

I love him very much but aibu to have just wanted one night of peace.

YANBU. It's like having another child around the house., I always encourage my dh to work late. ( I love him really)

Sometimes it really is nice to have an evening to yourself to watch crap on telly and chill out.

So don;t feel guilty about that.

Hiowever, I do think that you have a basic conflict with raising your kids, re strict bedtimes etc. And your kids must be picking up on the fact that you are a lot less strict about it.

Is it worth having a chat re strictness of bedtimes, and worth coming up with a compromise?

Sorry but to me you're being abit unreasonable. I know its rubbish when plans are changed but could you not turn it into a nice evening in together? e.g. DC's in bed you and DH have a nice glass of vino in the garden that sort of thing? Unless you've got George Clooney popping round of course

I'm not suggesting they stay up until midnight just that they don't need to be in bed by 7pm every night there could be a bit a flexibility and up to 8pm is fine They are 6 and 4 .

I would have been looking forward to him coming home by tomorrow evening which is when he was due back

Not even my mum popping round, just wanted the opportunity to do exactly as I please for a few hours without having to take anyone else into account or be bothered by anyone. sounds awful written like that because I love him and he is the person I want to do everything with, just enjoy the opportunity to be selfish every now and then.

agree with GetOrf

the problem is not him being around

the problem is you want different types of evenings - you want the kids around and no TV, he wants the kids in bed and you eating dinner in front of the TV.

can you find a compromise? Kids stay up but you all watch a movie or something?

longer term, it would make sense to agree a routine for the evenings between you - you don't really want the kids to have different routines depending on whether their dad is or isn't around I'd have thought.

cross posted with your last post

completely see that it's nice to have an evening doing what you want to do without compromising every once in a while

but if he works away at other times then surely you'll get that pretty soon anyway?

YANBU

No matter how much you love them, most of us look forward to a night on our own and when it's scuppered it's a pain in the bum!!

I do think you need to talk about the differences in your parenting as it will only get worse as the kids get older and want to do things you think are fun/reasonable while your DH thinks they should be in bed/eating a proper dinner or whatever...

FWIW I think you did the right thing telling him in advance how it's going to be tonight... maybe you can use this as your starting point for your 'talk' - along the lines of 'Of course I love you and want you here, but it's more relaxed when you aren't here enforcing rules that I don't think are important and it's nice to have the TV off/different things on it, more relaxed meals etc'.

YANBU - I love the odd evening without DH to do my own thing at home, but like others have said, you need to chat about parenting expectations/rules.

YADNBU My husband is away 2-4 nights a week and I love our life with him and our life without. I like the balance that brings so I understand you not wanting to give up a night of freedom.
I do, however, agree with others that you should have a chat with dh re bedtimes / dinner as he shouldn't be the one making all the rules.

YANBU. I love it when DH is away on business and I can drink the WHOLE bottle and then starfish in the bed without him stealing the duvet or stabbing me in the ankle with his toenail.