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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not wanting to go on holiday with the in-laws

54 replies

00Amber00 · 22/06/2010 14:25

Hi everyone,

My mother in law is seriously ill but is well enough to come away on holiday. My DH wants to take her and my father in law on a driving holiday to France. We have a 9 month old baby and I am not quite sure it is ok for me to take her on a holiday like this. I am fine with the driving part as you can stop over every now and then and entertain her for a bit. It is my mother in law's condition that worries me. She has cancer and thrombosis as a result. I would love her to go and enjoy herself but I don't think my little one and I should go because should she need to be hospitalised we might be stranded without food/sleep etc. If that was just me I wouldn't worry about it coz she is far more important bearing in mind her condition but I don't think this would be easy on my LO. Obviously my DH is not happy for me to stay behind and thinks I don't want to go for other reasons although I explained my reasons to him and he seems to understand but coz it's always glass half full with him he doesn't think of worst case scenarios. Am I being unreasonable and about to spoil everyone's holiday??

OP posts:

BusyMissIzzy · 22/06/2010 14:28

My experience is limited, but IMO travelling with a baby can be nightmareish. Might not be, but can be. So making a whole holiday out of it could potentially be a recipe for disaster.

DemonChild · 22/06/2010 14:30

There is nothing in the entire universe that would make me do this - with parents or in laws. YANBU.

pumperspumpkin · 22/06/2010 14:31

When is the holiday? I would go for the sake of family harmony and your DH given it sounds as though it may be a last chance kind of thing and assuming your MIL is up to a driving holiday (I'd be more worried about this to be honest - is staying in one, nice, place not an option?).

I don't think that your LO would really notice the problems if your MIL were to be hospitalised - they are fairly resilient and as long as she's not hungry or tired she'll be fine.

muddleduck · 22/06/2010 14:31

I think a holiday is a great idea and you should definitely go.

however, I would aim for a compromise where you stay in one place for most of the trip. This has nothing to do with your MIL's ilness - I just think you will all ienjoy it more than one where you are travelling a lot with a small child.

domesticdiva · 22/06/2010 14:32

If she is so ill there is a chance she could be hospitalised, why travel abroad, surely a nice break in the UK closer to home would be a better idea, then you can all go. YANBU in your concerns for all involved, hope it all goes well

tkband3 · 22/06/2010 14:33

I wouldn't take a 9 month old on a driving holiday, with or without an ill MIL, nor would I fancy spending long periods in a car if I were unwell. If you're happy to go away with your in-laws in principle, then why not get a cottage somewhere in the UK and have a nice relaxing break without the need for long journey times?

Flyonthewindscreen · 22/06/2010 14:33

An overseas driving holiday doesn't sound like the best idea for a group including a seriously ill woman and a baby. Will you even be able to get travel insurance for your MIL? Why not suggest to your DH an alternative holiday in this country with less driving that you could all go on and enjoy?

ChippingIn · 22/06/2010 14:33

Amber, I think (in the nicest possible way) YABU.

Your baby is 9 months old - not 9 weeks. They are fairly robust & portable.

This may be the last chance for a family holiday.

If your MIL is hospitalised, why would you be stranded and without food/sleep?? Sorry, but that doesn't make any sense?

You might even have a great time!! Try having your glass half full - it's not a bad way to look at things you know!

AlCrowley · 22/06/2010 14:33

You should only keep a baby in a car seat for 2 hours at a time. You're not going to get very far if you have to stop for an hour out of every 3.

And a grumpy, confined baby in a hot car!

Sorry to hear about your MIL

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/06/2010 14:34

Can you go and rent a gite/villa? Then your DH can do day trips with/without you and baby. Driving everyday with a 9 month old would not be my idea of fun.

Plumm · 22/06/2010 14:34

Why does it have to be a driving holiday? It would be much easier for the baby if you stay in one place - does your MIL want to drive somewhere?

As a compromise could you fly with the baby and meet your DH and inlays there?

pointissima · 22/06/2010 14:34

I can understand why you feel protective of your baby;but this may be the last opportunity your DH has to spend time like with this with his parents and having you and the baby there would make the holiday much better for the three of them.

It is only France: you are not being asked to go to Africa. If she is hospitalised you may have to check into a B&B for a few days while you sort out a plan; but I don't see how it can get much worse than that. You will not be stranded without food or nappies etc. and presumably this will be a relatively sedate holiday, given your MIL's condition.

All the worst case scenarios are for your MIL, not for you and the baby

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/06/2010 14:36

And your MIL may just appreciate siting by pool, in garden playing with your DD.

ChippingIn · 22/06/2010 14:36

Although, I have to say, I don't think this is the ideal holiday for someone as ill as your MIL, but I rather assumed there was a reason for it and your DH knows his Mum better than we do! However, maybe he could be persuaded to have a nice holiday in a cottage in the UK??

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/06/2010 14:38

Also if she has thrombosis, then sitting down in a car everyday is not good.

GeekOfTheWeek · 22/06/2010 14:38

Taking someone with a thrombosis on a driving holiday is one of the worst idea's I have ever heard .

Just not feasable for the mil or the baby imo.

Can you and your dp take her somewhere else instead?

Pootles2010 · 22/06/2010 14:39

Am suprised she can get travel insurance? Make sure you check this out before you go, we couldn't take my dp's gran for this reason. But if that was ok, i'm sure if she did get poorly you could sort something out - there are a few of you going, so it would be ok i think.

TigerFeet · 22/06/2010 14:40

A driving holiday with an ill MIL and a 9mo baby sounds like a nightmare to me. My dd2 is that age and gets bored in her carseat fairly quickly - a bored baby does not a relaxing holiday make.

Far better imo to rent somewhere in the UK and if your MIL is up to a drive, your dh can drive her for a day while you stay back with the baby.

To those saying the OP is BU - she isn't complaining about a holiday with the MIL - just the type of holiday. Or at least that's how I read it. Totally reasonable IMO.

GeekOfTheWeek · 22/06/2010 14:40

Due to her illness she may be unable to get insurance so I would be very wary about taking her out of the uk tbh.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 22/06/2010 14:45

A driving holiday with someone with thrombosis sounds like a bad idea (leaving you and the baby out of the question entirely). Is there not an option for just going to one place for a holiday?

You'll need to look into the insurance aspect, too. There are companies who will cover pre-existing conditions (obviously more expensive than standard cover, though). The EHIC would cover her for any urgent treatment but getting her back to the UK if her health deteriorated out there could be fantastically expensive if she doesn't have insurance.

Original poster

00Amber00 · 22/06/2010 14:48

Thanks for such quick replies!!

I suggested the UK but their hearts are set on France. I know them well and it is not the case of my glass being half empty it's just they never think of what happens if.....They are all very quick to assume everything will go smooothly etc. I am not saying the holiday will be a complete write off but like most of you said it would be a whole lot better if it's made simpler, i.e. by staying in the UK on the first place.

I know France is a developed country but I have been through villages during the days where everything is shut although I guess it won't be overly difficult to have essentials in the car with us. As one of you said, there are plenty of B&Bs so it shouldn't be a problem to find a place to sleep in an emergency. Not that I have to say this but not for one minute was I worried about myself not having a great time!!

Thanks again, A

OP posts:

titchy · 22/06/2010 14:49

Repeat what others have said - nightmare scenario. Your dh and his father have cleary not thought this one out at all. That's men for you though!

Your baby will not appreciate being sat in a car seat for the best part of a week - and as for your MIL - a driving holiday is likely to finish her off if she has thrombosis.

Rent a cottage somewhere nearby, or if you're desparate to go to France go by Eurostar so she and you cann move around.

bleedingheart · 22/06/2010 14:52

I think the type of holiday sounds unsuitable for your MIL and a 9mth old. YANBU.

Original poster

00Amber00 · 22/06/2010 14:52

I know re thrombosis, mother in law does too. But her own consultant seems to think it is an excellent idea!!! that's another story! I am not sure she can get insurance I think they have some savings so will be dipping into those should she need healthcare while over there.

I understand her wanting to go away with the condition and timing involved but I seem to be the only one in the family worrying about things like thrombosis, practicalities etc. I guess it is her health and it is up to her to make that decision to travel, she seems very much up for it wether through denial or otherwise!!!

OP posts:

GeekOfTheWeek · 22/06/2010 14:59

Unless they have thousands upon thousands in savings I would not travel without insurance. The risks to your mil far outweigh any potential benefits imho.

Please show your dp this thread. I am not sure he fully understands the possible implications if things do go wrong.

It is also not good for your baby to be in a car seat for long periods.

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