to be a bit embarassed that dd2 told her teacher that mummy is always...

[Northernlurker]

on Mnet

What she actually said was ' Mr X - does your wife go on mumsnet?' Mr X replied he'd never heard of Mumsnet and dd2 apparently said 'oh my mummy is always asking me to switch on the computer because she has to go on mumsnet'

I know all this because dd2's teacher greeted me at school yesterday by saying 'Ah hello Mumsnet expert' - I swear my internet life flashed before my eyes! Obviously I stressed the informative side of the website......
Dd2 really doesn't 'get' discretion......

I was informed by my partner this morning that my son told him our car crash was caused by me looking for my cigarettes in the car when driving. I dont smoke.

DD1 announced to her entire class + their dads, at their Father Day concert:

"My daddy dyes his hair."

He doesn't.

He is Italian so has very thick black hair - may look dyed.

DH reckons it was the most embarassing moment of his life when 30 heads simultaneously swivelled around to stare at his hair.

These are so funny

It's like an episode of "Outnumbered"

Remember dd aged 3ish having development assessment with HV, was given small toys. She sat a doll at a table and HV asked dd what the doll would then do. DDs response was a very stern 'sit still and don't move'
We didn't even have a table at that point.

DS claimed I was a big Boyzone fan

Bwahaha!!!

Boyzone

My children can't talk yet, so here's one I made earlier: I informed various people as a young child that "Mummy makes me toast with martini on".

Actually, I had toast with Marmite and tahini. Quite different...

My son aged 9ish was asked to make mothers day card at school, with picture of my favourite thing. While his classmates drew flowers, chocolates, perfume, mine drew a gigantic bottle of wine.

Condensed milk I know exactly how your dh felt and I sympathise

about 2 years ago at the easter Assembly year 5 had done poems about their mothers dd1 read out proudly in church

My mummy is the best mummy in the world
even though she shouts
she makes us food plays with us and takes us to nice places gives us clothes and is funny
but she shouts
I wouldnt want any other mummy in the world but my mummy
even though she shouts

I am not kidding the shouts was in there 3 times and I literally wanted to cry and dd1 couldnt understand why I wasnt very proud of her

I don't know if dd2 mentioned the shouting........I expect she did......I wonder if she told him I read in the bath and sometimes eat Farley's rusks with warm milk for breakfast

Don't worry, your children tell teachers everything. Last week we had a visitor in school, one of the childrenin my class said
"That's Daddy's girlfriend but Mummy doesn't know and we aren't allowed to tell her"
Apparently she wasn't allowed to tell Mummy but Dad hadn't thought to mention not to tell me!

The chair of Governors DD once told me, 'my mum drank a lot of wine. She laughed a lot and couldn't stand up so laid on the floor and laughed some more' and 'my mum ALWAYS walks around naked and she has really big boobs'

When DS1 was about 8, he went through a phase of 'romanticising' our life. He told his football coach I was a stripper. The poor bloke collared me to ask if I had money worries and that he could help us out if neccessary.

He also told his form teacher that I was a wing walker for the Red Arrows. The teacher believed him and asked me about it... he was very embarrased when I pointed out the logistical difficulties that would be involved in such a venture.

DD1 starts in reception in September. We went to the school today to get all her uniform bits and book bag and have spent the afternoon role-playing where I'm Miss Cxxxx her new teacher. (at her insistance may I add)

I asked her to tell me all about her family, "well Miss Cxxx I have a little sister, and my mummy has another baby in her tummy"

Needless to say I don't but when I tried to explain that she shouldn't tell things that aren't true when she starts school it didn't really seem to sink in.

Am dreading the "congratulations" in the first few weeks of term!

Lonnie - that's a great poem. I see real talent there - a dry wit. Possibly nurtured by a < ahem > assertive parent

My DS1 once described me as funny and shouty. Should think myself lucky the funny came first

when being shown flash cards at a SALT assessment, DS aged 3 identified the bottle as 'mummy's wine'....

Least it wasn't 'Mummy is always...'
'drunk',
'yelling' or
'outside in her nightie lying facedown in the birdbath'

My Mum brought us up on her own. My primary school stories were generally tales about her new boyfriend and what presents they had bought me. One particularly good one told of how she hid one boyfriend in a cupboard when another one turned up unexpectedly....

Hello Madame -

When I was a child my parents used to take me to the pub at lunchtime some weekends and ask if I wanted to come in or sit in the car. Usually I would stay in the car and they would bring me a bottle of coke and a packet of crisps. Apparently I wrote in my weekend news that 'Mum and Dad went to the pub and locked me in the car'! It was the 70s.

My dd then aged 4 informed the nursery worker that i was pregnant with twins whose names were going to be Chloe and Ben.

I wasnt pregnant.

You see, OneStepForward, I've heard this happened a lot in the '70's and the '80's. Except most of the people I've heard tell their story weren't given the choice.

I'm amazed. I don't care when it happened - it's shite parenting. The kid sat in the car, locked in, all alone whilst the parents go off and have a drink? Or 15.

Bizarre that anyone would ever think that was ok.