to think my neighbour is an nasty piece of work

[Lpsmum]

I have an 18 month old who is finding his confidence on his feet and is naturally inquisitive and likes exploring etc. We live on a newish estate and in this sunny weather DS loves nothing more than taking me/hubby for a walk. Yesterday after inspecting a neighbours driveway (not causing any trouble, no car there, didn't touch anything) the miserable lady came out to DH and DS to ask what they were doing and not to come back onto their property again. Fair enough, I always try and divert DS anyway but DH agreed he'd steer clear too if it was a problem. Anyway 10 pm last night there's hammering on the door, woke me (pregnant and knackered) and DS and it's the miserable womans husband basically threatening us to stay of his proerty! WTF? Has he never heard of a polite word at a reasonable hour? He gets home from work at 6ish so why come at this time? We only live next door but one and explained to the woman that DS was just exploring. AIBU to still be fuming 24 hrs later at his rudeness?

libelulle we agree then! in the op's case the neighbour could see the DH from teh livingroom window, which would inturn suggest the DH could see into the livingroom window, and therefore they shouldnt have been there case closed

Erm, I don't think a bit of yelling, no matter at what time of night, is in any way comparable to shooting at someone!

yup! Meant to scare him I suspect, but even so. Completely bonkers - did wonders for Anglo-French relations in the village, I can tell you.

BDE - if this neighbour was, as seems really quite likely, looking to liven up her day by sneaking peeks through her net curtains, then it's quite possible OP's DH would not have been able to see a thing

Horton - no but it's the same principle of taking your feelings for your little patch of earth to a completely ludicrous extreme...

I fail to see what's so ludicrous about not wanting other people in one's garden.

How very sad for you. I think people get so possesive about "their bit" they lose sight of the bigger picture. I grew up in a village in Asia and as children we used to run in/out of neighbours houses all the time. No problems/ no issues. It was lovely growing up.
I do find the obsession with boundarys a bit strange. I obviously respect peoples privacy but find it sad that people can be so petty.
To digress I find the "no turning in driveway" signs annoying.

I wonder if she is concerned about safety? I know a couple of people who have been mugged by people using their children as a sort of cover because it means people let their guard down. Not burgled mind you.

But I also guess that if your DH responded with a cheery 'oh so sorry, he does enjoy exploring' then she may have been very riled.

Do you know them at all? Is there maybe some other underlying reason that they might be cross with you?

(sorry am just exploring all the possible reasons for such a reaction)

I agree Sprogger.
The matter was dealt with at the time,there was no need to confront the Op and her dh again.

I had a dear iddle toddler pick every single one of the roses off of every single bush while the mother watched indulgently

Cos hey

Kids will be kids

Well thats ok then

[resists urge to do the hmm face]

And when I opened my front door and said very politely umm do you mind?

Well I won't repeatwhat she said on this thread.

[prim]

words dont be so precious, it was just roses, you should have welcomed the brat into your home to see what else it'd like to tramp on, let them nip to the loo, have a slice of cake and nick your teapot, its only property, your property, dont be so uptight man! and be sure to send them on their way, in their own good time of course with your bank cards and pin numbers to boot

Duh

Of course

I'm sorry I'm obviously majorly uptight (man)

all this preciousness over 'my driveway'! I'm amazed at how many MN'ers think that its OK to be so possessive about a neighbours kid toddling on the driveway. It's not like strange kids are running riot & causing a threat is it?
It's a TODDLER, from NEXT DOOR, gently EXPLORING. And even if he was 3 and drawing on driveway with chalk, unless you are exceptionally precious and uptight, what on earth is the big deal?

where I grew up, if it wasn't fenced, kids were pretty much free to roam and play, including on other peoples driveways, front lawns, on the street (it was a culdersac) etc. bliss.

all this preciousness over 'my driveway'! I'm amazed at how many MN'ers think that its OK to be so possessive about a neighbours kid toddling on the driveway. It's not like strange kids are running riot & causing a threat is it?
It's a TODDLER, from NEXT DOOR, gently EXPLORING. And even if he was 3 and drawing on driveway with chalk, unless you are exceptionally precious and uptight, what on earth is the big deal?

where I grew up, if it wasn't fenced, kids were pretty much free to roam and play, including on other peoples driveways, front lawns, on the street (it was a culdersac) etc. bliss.

But you could equally well argue 'all this preciousness about feeling we have to indulge every want and whim of our children'.

Steering a toddler away from other people's property is hardly depriving them is it? There are pavements, parks, your own private garden... it doesn't mean the child is not going to get the chance to walk does it?

I think one of the most telling things on this thread, is the OPs response that since the incident, she has bundled her toddler into the pushchair and taken him kicking and yelling along the street. Is she really unable to manage any sort of parenting between the two extremes of allowing her son to roam wherever he wants, and restricting him to a pushchair? How sad, for an 18 month old. It should be perfectly possible to take a toddler on short walks around, making it clear where they can go. I feel she is doing her child a great disservice by indulging this idea that everyone else should welcome him intruding on their property. Far kinder to teach him to enjoy a walk without encroaching on other people.

No violethill it's far nicer to hit tratrum number 10 of the day within the confines of the pushchair where we can walk it off without a scene rather than have him rolling round the pavement and road etc

Violethill, you speak sense!
My pfb always wanted to go up other people's drives, i just said no, is not yours. End of. As someone else said, plenty other places to explore!
Best he learns now...

Violethill, you speak sense!
My pfb always wanted to go up other people's drives, i just said no, is not yours. End of. As someone else said, plenty other places to explore!
Best he learns now...

Lpsmum - the tantrum stage needs to be worked through, and the point I was making is that you'll probably get through it quicker by setting clear boundaries in the first place, rather than confusing the poor child by either letting him roam wherever he likes one minute and then confining him to the pushchair the next!

Yes, he may roll around and scream the first couple of times he isn't allowed to wander into someone's garden or driveway, but he'll quickly learn that no means no, and that he can have as much (or more) fun exploring public spaces. On a practical note, there are strategies you can use to help distract a child when they want to do something they can't. And I know it isn't always easy, and it doesn't always work first time, but hey, whoever said parenting is easy! When you have more than one child, you'll realise that their wants may conflict with eachother so you can't just give in to what pleases them anyway. I had two both pretty much at toddling/early walking stage together, and quite often they wanted to go off in different directions! I think it's fairest to the child to make it clear that you as the parent are in control, not them. Nothing nasty or negative about that - it's just sensible, caring parenting.

P.S just to emphasise I do agree with the point that your neighbour reacted in a very OTT and unpleasant way.

But I think it's very odd to feel it's ok to allow a child to wander around on other people's property in the first place. Just because you may not mind the locals wandering up and down your driveway, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same - and you should respect that, and teach your child to respect it. Children learn from the moment they come out of the womb, there's nothing scary or 'hard' about it, they are little sponges who will soak up what they hear and what they are shown.

oh my god, how depressing the number of people here who would tell a neighbour (if not in as many words) to sod off if their 18-month-old toddler was walking on their driveway.

i wouldn't tell them off though i would be very about it (i mean, toddler roaming up drive with embarassed looking parent retrieving them = fine, toddler wandering around drive with parent admiring your asphalt with them = not OK)- this is worth the tantrums to get right, just letting little tyke roam wherever they want isn't on. And no, they don't just magically stop doing this without a bit of direction.

it's also a time saver....ragging DD down the street past every bit of gravel, pretty flower, interesting snail... = faster than letting her investigate all these things.

but yes their reaction was hugely disproportionate - steer clear in future OP.

It's ok violethill he's been tantruming for a while now so think I'll stick with my methods of dealing with them thanks. I'll continue to pick my battles, hopefully they won't always lead to battles with the neighbours though!

Ahh I see in the end it's all about the PFB syndrome again