to think my neighbour is an nasty piece of work

[Lpsmum]

I have an 18 month old who is finding his confidence on his feet and is naturally inquisitive and likes exploring etc. We live on a newish estate and in this sunny weather DS loves nothing more than taking me/hubby for a walk. Yesterday after inspecting a neighbours driveway (not causing any trouble, no car there, didn't touch anything) the miserable lady came out to DH and DS to ask what they were doing and not to come back onto their property again. Fair enough, I always try and divert DS anyway but DH agreed he'd steer clear too if it was a problem. Anyway 10 pm last night there's hammering on the door, woke me (pregnant and knackered) and DS and it's the miserable womans husband basically threatening us to stay of his proerty! WTF? Has he never heard of a polite word at a reasonable hour? He gets home from work at 6ish so why come at this time? We only live next door but one and explained to the woman that DS was just exploring. AIBU to still be fuming 24 hrs later at his rudeness?

YANBU the world's gone mad!!!

the neighbours reaction was OTT

yabu to think it is okay for your son to explore other peoples property but i think you have realised that

dont wait for him to grow out of it, teach him it is not appropriate! otherwise what else are you goign to just wait for him to grow out of?

to answer your original question thought, yanbu to think the neighbour is a nasty peice of work, he sounds aggresive and unpleasant.

The neighbour did over react, but the important part is that it was a REACTION, which was bought about by your DH's unreasonable ACTION.

I dont see why the front of my house should be less worthy of privacy and respect that the back of my house, or inside the house. its all my property and its not uptight to not want uninvited guests in any part of it. even heaven forbide, a toddler!

OP, your son will stop nothing by three if you dont teach him now, i think he should stop now, dont let him do it again, if he has a tantrum, deal with it, your his parents, he doesnt get to tramp about on other people property uninvited!

How absolutely awful of them! I mean, they were upset that someone was on THEIR property, on THEIR doorstep - completely unreasonable of them to dare want that sorted out!

I'd have come out and said something as well - because I'd not want a precedent set - whether your child, delightful and perfect that they are, was "exploring" or not - and I'd have been blooming peed off that their parent had just stood by and let them do that.

They were intruding on someone else's home. Your family were in the wrong - man up and accept that instead of just playing the "oh they're a child they can do what the hell they like" routine. Some people are threatened by kids, some people find very small children hard to relate to and intimidating in that respect, some people just don't want the precedent set that it's ok, because then it's a 2 year old wanting a ball back, a 5 year old picking their flowers and so on - some people, and I'm one of these, just get incredibly peed off watching a parent stand by idly and let kids do what the hell they feel like.

BabyDubsEverywhere I guess because to me, the front of your house is its public face. You are unlikely to be getting dressed, having a dinner party or watching TV on your front drive. Privacy surely is to do with not having someone intruding on your day-to-day activities. I'm not suggesting the toddler should be allowed to nose in your front window, but most driveways are essentially parking spaces for cars, and have very little bearing on what goes on in the privacy of your home. Private property surely only has meaning to the extent that it allows you enjoyment of your own space, otherwise you're just shouting 'mine mine mine' for its own sake, no?

I'm obviously in a minority here - but luckily for me, all the houses round us open directly onto the street. Though a man did even so manage to object to my DD walking too slowly past his house (on the pavement) because it 'disturbed his dogs'. Likewise our neighbour opposite doesn't like people parking in 'her' space (on an entirely public road, but just happens to be next to her house). Sometimes the excessive (and very english) obsession with 'my home is my castle' is just mystifying to me!

But emptyshell they didn't come out to say something -they hammered on our door at 10pm with warnings and threats. If you think that's acceptable then you too are nuts

Poor you.How horrible to have people like that as neighbours.I would get your ds to sweetly take flowers to her door to say sorry,The guilt will eat at them for years.....

YANBU at being terrified of irate neighbour harrassing you at 10pm - isn't that potentially classed as antisocial behaviour?

Lpsmum we live in a new build estate too and you are not allowed to have fences/gates put up (not sure why but it is in the deed or whatever so...)

We have this problem too - toddlers are often wandering onto the grass as there is nothing to stop them but it doesn't happen often and usually during the day so only people who are home then notice. The problem is the older kids and ASBO holders who arrive at pub chucking out time and are all over the place. It is really intimidating but seems to have calmned down a bit now the place is finished and all houses are settled into... (wish I hadn't mentioned that now cos I am on my own tonight thanks to the footie!)

Anyway, I personally would steer clear of them.

Do you think that possibly the problem is because they're your neighbours? If I saw some random toddler in my driveway that I'd never seen before, I would do this but nothing else. But if my neighbour started to let their toddler wander about my driveway (and we don't know whether the OP's toddler has done this before) I would think it v odd tbh and would be concerned that this would set a precedent as the kid grew older that it was OK to come on my driveway without asking. Just a thought.

(But yes, they were U in the way they reacted)

I don't understand why the man came round.

If the woman spoke to dh as your toddler was on her drive and dh apologised and moved him away, surely that was enough?

do you think he was drunk?

libelulle if thats your perseption of your property then its fine to behave that way - ABOUT YOUR PROPERTY but not everyone shares your view so dont be surprised if it pisses people off.

I use my front garden, my dogs use half of it sectioned off as we have funny access for them, they would be barking as they should when someone comes uninvited to our property this would disturb me, mildly maybe but why should i be disturbed at all, its not my kid, mines been taught to respect other peoples property.

Walk him up and down your own drive, your other neighbours are too nice to say, but some of them at least are also pissed off, id put my precious drive on it.

I don't understand why the man came round.

Personally I'm guessing the man came round because the OP's DH said 'oh sorry, he was just exploring' rather than 'I'm really sorry, we won't do it again, it's just that it's really hard to control him at the moment'. There is a difference.

I see

Well as I said I wasn't there and am fairly sure DH paraphrased the conversation rather than repeated it ver betim. I can honestly say my DH is very well thought of both personally and professionally (fair enough he's too soft with DS) so I'd put money on him having been polite. Biased yes but I cannot believe his reaction was anything less than polite and apologetic

so when he came round at 10pm, how did you handle it and did he go off in a huff or is it somehow cleared up?

Not a word since that night, we didn't say a word to him, in shock tbh. The 2 evenings since I've taken DS out in the buggy (complete with kicking and screaming as he hates it) just to be safe!
Thanks for all your replies, plan is to steer clear from that house completely

surely you can still let him walk?

just only on the pavemment, but yes I wouldnt be going out of my way to see those neighbours again LOL

Our driveway has previously been used for whoever needed to turn around, a playground for children, parking for anybody delivering things to houses either side of us, a shortcut for ignorant lazy people who can't be bothered to walk along the pavement a few more feet and up the correct path and an unofficial pick up point for whoever fancies using it - I shouldn't have to have other people doing whatever they like just because it is convenient. Your neighbour was BVU to come to your house and behave that way, but they are entitled to have people respect their boundaries.

BDE - 'Respecting other people's property' is obviously crucial; I'm not arguing that it isn't! On someone else's land, you don't pick flowers, if you are disturbing dogs or other animals you shouldn't be there, if you can see directly into someone's living room, you shouldn't be there. But if you aren't disturbing anyone or anything (and IME mostly a toddler doing gentle exploring just inside someone's drive probably falls under this heading), then if a landowner says 'get off because it's MY land', then it is exactly the same as a toddler saying 'MINE MINE MINE' for the hell of it. It must be a cultural thing. Where my family live in France, an English man once shot at (!) a local boy who was crossing 'his' field. He may have been 'protecting his property' in his eyes, but he'll be spoken of with tones of utter and complete contempt by everyone in the village for ever more.

To be honest, because I know how bonkers people can be about their 'personal' space in this country, I wouldn't let my DD stray even a foot into anyone else's front garden. I think that's maybe your mistake OP, assuming that people will be ok with something so friendly and innocuous - but that doesn't mean you're being unreasonable - it means everyone else is .

he shot at a boy?