to be annoyed by lack of RSVP's

[wildmutt]

Ok, so my dc is having a party and all the class have been invited (30 kids). It's at a place where they'll do all the food and we need to pay for this a week before so I clearly put on the invite if they could kindly RSVP by such and such a date. That date has now passed and I've had no reply from 9 of them and 3 who mentioned they'd let me know for def nearer the time??? Can I just assume these 9 won't come or am I supposed to chase these people up in the playground. Or, what if they just turn up on the day. Am I being unreasonable to think that a quick text to let me know either way is not too much too ask?

The downside of doing what some have suggested and only inviting a few of your DC's close friends, is that when their parents can't be arsed to reply you are then left wondering if you're actually having a party or not. That's what happened to us. 8 invites went out (kept it small for many reasons). 2 children turned up. Some party huh?

Someone said that some parents might not want to "commit" to saying yes as they haven't made their plans for the weekend yet? WTF?! That attitude just proves to me that the majority of parents, although they claim to put their children first, are actually downright selfish and care not one jot about their children's friendships.

I put Regrets only RSVP by X date.

It works a charm.

Bear in mind that invites DO get lost before making it home. We thought that my DS had been left out of a big class party in reception. Only when the parents made snarky remarks later in the year did it make me wonder whether he had been invited after all but had lost the invite. If only the parents had had a quick word with me in the playground or dropped a quick email to ask whether he was coming, a lot of hurt to us and inconvenience to them would have been avoided! I am happy to do this now and see it as part of the organisation.

YANBU

I don't understand the argument that its not rude to forget to rsvp. Of course it is rude and inconsiderate, the host is trying to plan and will need to make arrangements and potentially spend money in advance.

We're having a bbq party this weekend, following an event thats happening that various friends and family are coming down for. We emailed about this a couple of months ago, and sent a couple of follow up emails. Only two people confirmed for definite before this week that they were coming. Only finally this week have people got round to replying, not only are they all coming (which is great) but some of them have taken it upon themselves to invite extra people. I'm so stressed out today trying to sort things now, and I needn't have been if they had been a bit more considerate. Most of them are travelling some distance so I suspect they had always planned to come, it just didn't occur to them it might help for me to know.

however disorganised you are, it can't be that hard to reply to an email! To me its the same as people who are persistently late. Its rude as it indicates that you don't give any consideration to other people. I'm disorganised and chaotic but I still manage to be on time for things and reply to invites promptly.

right time to stop ranting and get back to sorting the house out!

This is legio these days, people put invitations aside and can't be bothered.
For a big anniversary, I sent out very elaborate, hand made Save-the-date cards, eight months in advance. Then I sent out the absolutely stunning, expensive, hand made invitations one month in advance. There were phone numbers, email adress, ready made reply card that you just had to tick, supplied. That should have signalled that this was an event important to us. Still, I had to chase up loads of people... It is very embarrassing having to call people and ask if they are coming or not. Everybody had got their invitations, but they said things like "Ooooo I haven't replied, have I?" I retorted that, well, it will cost £80 per head, so it would be nice to know, but shall I take that as a No?
Next time I wont bother inviting them, because they've basically told me that I don't mean cr*p to them.
There were also some of those whom I chased up who eventually said they would come, then just didn't turn up on the day anyway. So, is it really worth the effort for arrogant gits like that?
Will a person who can't be bothered to reply to an invitation actually bother to come to a party? I think not.
But, best bet is maybe to call, or talk to people first, THEN send invititations. Or, call shortly after you've sent the invitation and confirm that they've recieved it. Then they have no excuse saying they didn't know.
It's amazing how so many people don't understand that they are effectively destroying parties. Give them the elbow!

I organise events for a living and I can tell you that even when people have booked and paid for things they don't always turn up (and never let you know) and vica versa

I always chase invites but I agree it is a pain. I just don't espect anything else I suppose so build the fact that I will need to do that in my planning.

• I give an earlier RSVP date than is strictly necessary so I can start chasing with a clear conscience at least 10 days before the event

- I allow a few extra places for those I know will turn up without having replied

• I accept that I will probably pay for more children than actually turn up but I try to limit that.

It is all a bit of a jjuggling act tbh

I'm normally so good at being organised, including rsvp-ing etc. It is annoying not knowing who is coming. However we are not all perfect, last year I got all excited about one of my best friends' weddings; and as soon as the invite and gift list arrived I bought her a present off the list and everything. But I never rsvpd apparently... She knew I was coming via others (she lived in Germany so I didn't see her all that often) and appeared to forgive me due to my new mother status or something I suppose!

Of course it's rude not to reply, but there's nothing you can do about other people being rude. If you want to hold a party then you have to be prepared to chase up all the invitees for a 'yes' or a 'no'. And you can resolve to teach your children to behave better, and not to do it yourself. Much better to make 20 phone calls to find out whether people are coming than to wait and see whether anyone turns up.

I don't think it's that strange that people want to make other plans for the weekend. If you've got three popular and much-invited children each in classes of 25, then you could end up with nearly every weekend of the year planned around parties. I refuse many invitations just so we can do other things.