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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed by lack of RSVP's

83 replies

wildmutt · 16/06/2010 10:22

Ok, so my dc is having a party and all the class have been invited (30 kids). It's at a place where they'll do all the food and we need to pay for this a week before so I clearly put on the invite if they could kindly RSVP by such and such a date. That date has now passed and I've had no reply from 9 of them and 3 who mentioned they'd let me know for def nearer the time??? Can I just assume these 9 won't come or am I supposed to chase these people up in the playground. Or, what if they just turn up on the day. Am I being unreasonable to think that a quick text to let me know either way is not too much too ask?

OP posts:

funnysinthegarden · 16/06/2010 21:40

well rsvp means respondez sil vous plait. If folk are too thick to work that one out then they shouldn't be coming to your party FULL STOP

MistyBell · 16/06/2010 21:58

It's so inconsiderate. Happened to me at DD party in April. I think people forget, they're so wrapped up in their own lives they give no thought to others until they need to organise a party for their kids.

I was smarting for weeks after.

DinahRod · 16/06/2010 22:13

YANBU at all. We haven't been able to afford a party for dcs for quite a while but always appreciate that when they get invites how much work must go in to organising a party and it's only good manners and the work of moments to reply. To do otherwise is thoughtless.

babybarrister · 17/06/2010 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrownPaperandString · 17/06/2010 09:13

I think chase them and make a point of saying that you're sorry but you're having to chase as there are enough 'no replies' to cost you £x and that if they haven't given you a yes/no by noon tomorrow (or whatever) then you are sorry but their child won't be catered for. then if they turn up say I'm sorry but as I said, your child hasn't been catered for as I really did need a definite reply.

I'm sure there will be repercussions but I intend to do this as I suspect it will only take one firm meany mother (me) to make the parent think about replying on time to someone elses party.

Romanarama · 17/06/2010 09:24

This is completely normal for all kinds of parties and events. I organise lots of events for work and chasing up invitees is part and parcel of the planning. People have different reasons for not replying - probably it's often because they don't want to commit to organising their weekend around a child's party when they haven't made their own plans yet. I always phone, email or sms each person who hasn't replied to ask whether they're coming. There's little point worrying whether the problem is that they're rude, disorganised, lazy, or haven't had the invitation. Just worry about finding out who's coming.

Original poster

wildmutt · 17/06/2010 10:51

Gaelic, love the 'too busy to brush teeth' news item! I would actually feel really sorry for someone who thinks they are too busy for that.

Thanks for all you posts, it's good to hear your views. It seems alot of people put replying to invites as a priority and others clearly don't see it as important. This is the first time I'm inviting people that I don't know or don't have contact details so just learning how it all works.

For the one's who don't feel it important to reply can I ask if you would be upset if your dc was not invited to a party or would it not bother you or your child? I'm not asking to be snotty or anything but I'm interested as this was the main reason I asked everyone and not just the kids whose mums and dads I already know, as this has happened with alot of the parties this year. My dc hasn't alway been invited and it didn't bother him or me at all but there have been some mums (not the children) fallen out over a party a few months ago because one said her child was hysterical at not being asked!

OP posts:

Eastsider · 17/06/2010 14:01

I just did my DS's 6th birthday. Invited the whole class (24) plus friend's children and family. NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON RSVP'd!!! What the .....???!!!! . Don't get it. Sorry - no words of comfort or wisdom, just empathy! Good luck with the party!

Soapsy · 17/06/2010 14:06

Worried now that if people only reply if they're coming, that no one will be coming to my DS birthday. Sent out invitations a few days ago, and have had only one reply so far, from 25 invitations.

DawnAS · 17/06/2010 14:16

Like some others have mentioned, I would assume that they are not coming.

I would also had a note to future invites to say that if they haven't RSVPd by the required date, it will be assumed that they are unable to attend and provisions will not be made for them.

Then let the reception deal with them when they turn up!

lazycow007 · 17/06/2010 18:30

Having a party this weekend for DD and invited whole class. 90% RSVP'd within 2days, so only had to chase a couple. What is more rude is when they say they are coming and you pay the £10 or very often more for that child and they "forget" to come - that is soooo unbelievably rude! If we genuinely can't make a party then we always give a present as it is not the birthday child's fault our child cannot come and then we generally get a party bag so neither child feels hard done by. It's basically just common curtesy and good manners to RSVP!

While I am on the rant path - I love it when we get a hand written note saying thankyou for coming and for the present etc (and actually saying what the present was - absolutely hate the card in the party bag which reads "thankyou for my present - I love it" when the child hasn't even opened it. What is that all about?????????

Hope your party goes well (fingers crossed our's does too)

I must ask - what does YANBU stand for???

docket · 17/06/2010 18:34

YANBU. Could have written your post, have had similarly frustrating experience. DD's party is tomorrow and 5 parents haven't bothered to reply. I'm not paying per head so it's not such a big deal but still unbelievably rude. I mean, it's really not hard is it? Tsk...

LyraSilvertongue · 17/06/2010 18:45

YANBU.
DS2's party is on Sunday and I still haven't heard from around five people if their children are coming or not. It was more, but I chased some of them up in the playground today and got some yes's and one no. So I can't assume the ones that haven't RSVP's aren't coming. One little girl told DS2 that she's coming but I need her mum/dad to tell me.
It's annoying and it means I've had to guess at how many party bags etc we'll need.

AmesBS7 · 17/06/2010 19:00

YANBU (you are not being unreasonable)

We're having a naming ceremony (ie Christening without the Christ) for our little girl and have invited around 60 family and friends. It's going to be quite expensive with a buffet catered 'by the head', so I asked for RSVPs.
I am seriously tempted to do the 'not on the list, no plate' thing if we don't hear back from people as, thus far, we have had only 35 responses.
Good luck with the party.

piscesmoon · 17/06/2010 19:11

Another good reason for not having a whole class party-just stick to the friends and then it is easy to check up.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2010 19:12

yanbu

but it ALWAYS happens, people just cant be arsed to reply but you have to count them incase they turn up

Haliborange · 17/06/2010 19:13

So what is the deal if someone does not reply?

Are they likely to turn up anyway? Surely you'd have to have some front to do this?

It's my DD1's party this weekend. Do I need to have a spare party bag on hand in case 3 year old Imogen's parents decide to pitch up without warning? I'd hate to make a baby cry but I also hate to pander to bad manners...

Haliborange · 17/06/2010 19:15

ah look, Blondes has basically answered already!

What bothers me just as much is people who are 30 mins late etc. Kids parties only last a couple of hours and have they tried to explain to an overexcited 3 year old that they have to wait for a few more of their friends' parents to get their act together and walk around the corner before the games can start?

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2010 19:16

you just have to ring and badger people - its bloody annoying and quite frankly rude

most invites have email/mobile and home no, it takes 30secs to reply via one of the above, even if email at midnight when you think bollocks i havent replied

piscesmoon · 17/06/2010 19:18

Possibly they never got it. I was once totally embarrassed to find an invitation in DS's tray 2 weeks after the party. I had to phone up and grovel.

everythingiseverything · 17/06/2010 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammyT · 17/06/2010 21:12

A nursery mum chased me for an answer the day before her child' party and I was mortified because I had told the au pair but the message never got through. I didn't realise it was the AP - I thought the mum was fabulously gorgeous and young (which is she actually, lucky mum

I have chosen a venue for my DC that doesn't insist on knowing numbers until the day itself - you pay for 10 min and the maximum is 25. It's a play zone. I think that's more than fair and removes the stress of the whole thing.

lazycow007 · 17/06/2010 21:18

AmesBS7 - thankyou for clarifying that, it has been bugging me for a while.

P.S we had a namimg ceremony too instead of Christening - upset the grandparents oh well........ it's our life and choice! Hope it goes well :-)

orienteerer · 17/06/2010 21:19

I would chase them up.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2010 22:52

Mammyt - what about party bags? Do you only buy 10 or buy enough crap little toys to fill 25 bags just incase

or do you not do party bags?

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