to be annoyed by lack of RSVP's

[wildmutt]

Ok, so my dc is having a party and all the class have been invited (30 kids). It's at a place where they'll do all the food and we need to pay for this a week before so I clearly put on the invite if they could kindly RSVP by such and such a date. That date has now passed and I've had no reply from 9 of them and 3 who mentioned they'd let me know for def nearer the time??? Can I just assume these 9 won't come or am I supposed to chase these people up in the playground. Or, what if they just turn up on the day. Am I being unreasonable to think that a quick text to let me know either way is not too much too ask?

You know - we are all busy and do make mistakes - cut people a bit of slack and just take it for granted that you do need to chase and don't fret or get cross about it. That will reduce your stress and make the party a more pleasurable experience for you!

Yes of course people make mistakes sometimes WIOAIG, but I'd expect this to be 1 or 2 people out of 30, not 12. I think some are just being a bit lazy and/or impolite.

It is rude yes, but you can't assume that your child's birthday party is as important to everyone else as it is to you. Some people do have busy lives, and lots of children and no matter how hard they try to be organised, end up forgetting to reply to something, or fill in something else. It's not personal.

Sorry LuluF, but agree with coffeefestival and giddypickle, it only takes 2 seconds to check a calendar and do an RSVP - no-one is 'too busy' to spend a couple of seconds replying. Love the 'no RSVP, no plate' expatinscotland, just brilliant.

YANBU
Partic if you need to pay per head...why not jsut say yes or no and then stcik to it, i bet there are some parents who just decide on the day if they can be bothered to come!
Love the mexican wedding bufe tthing
agree rudeness increasing generally on this sort of thing, also v rude is people bowling up to pay per play venue parties wiht siblings in tow, without warning, if sibs near in age would gen include in invite, but not on if without warnng

yabu!!
have you not had a party for your dc before? This always happens, people forget, kids forget to give invites etc.
Get over it and enjoy the party

From past experience I think it's amazing you've got replies from more that half tbh. I cannot abide this type of rudeness. We've already decided that in future DS's birthday will be celebrated with a special treat with one or two close friends. No parties - I can't be bothered with the hassle from all the idiot parents out there (the majority IME).

Giddypickle, it's certainly not rude to be scatty and disorganised. And believe it or not but some people do have bigger things to worry about than RSVP'ing to a kids party invite or indeed moaning about the lack of RSVP's to a party invite.

FGS just email those who haven't replied and get on with sorting out the party.

ItalyLovingMum - thanks for that. Yes I agree that it takes only two seconds to look at a calendar. Yes it only takes two seconds to reply. But sometimes life, the school run, tea time, bed time (a tap exam happening on the same day and you don't know what time it is - because you haven't been told so you don't know if you can take your other child and then you have to make sure that your DH can look after your third child), the fact that you can't even finish a sentence let alone see a task through to the end means that RSVPing is not a priority. So don't judge because you don't know why people forget.

I have been on the end of trying to organise parties and not knowing until the last minute. Yes, it's annoying, but I try not to be too judgemental. My children are the centre of my universe, but they're not anyone else's. I'm organising a party for this Friday. I haven't heard from a couple of people - do you know what I did? I asked them (shock) and do you know what? They told me.

It's not the end of the world.

I had years of experiance of this. People always say they never got the invite.
What I do now is make the invitation a little vague and ask them to phone for more details.
e.g.
Would you like to come to X's birthday treat on 16th June? We are going bowling. Please ask your mum to ring me before Tuesday on (tel number) for details.
Of course some still don't ring but at least you know exactly who is coming.

YANBU, I just had exactly the same for DS's party. 24 invites out to the class. 12 replies came. Emailed the other 12 - 9 of which accepted and apologiesed and 3 who said they lost the invite - yeah right !
Next year = a few friends for a special treat.

Chase up.Round here unusual for children not to come,Very usual not to reply til the 11th hour!

This is why I am never ever doing the whole-class invite thing. This year is our biggest party so far - DTDs are going to be 4. We have still only invited 16 kids (and since they're twins, 12 of those come in "pairs")

I do think it's rude, btw, so YANBU.

I'm scatty as hell but RSVP to DD's invites as a point of priority - I try not to visit my uselessness on her, poor kid. Meanwhile, DH was chatting to the mum of the child whose party she last went to, who said that that same two children (ie parents) had not RSVPed this year as didn't do it last year. Last year they turned up, this year they didn't. Both parties were pay-per-head jobs, so I doubt she'll be keen on her daughter inviting them again.

My tactic is to provide landline, mobile, email AND remind parents that DH is in the playground in the morning and I'm there in the afternoon. I absolutely hate having to call people to RSVP, so like to give others plenty of choice!

It IS rude to receive an invitation to a party and ignore it, no matter what your excuse is. DC's parties are always limited to a few close friends, I can't deal with the hassle of big parties

Sorry RL interrupted there - coffeefestival, I've had years of experience of this and think about half without a chase is exactly what I'd expect. Yes it is a bit rude, but dwelling on the rudeness would just stop me enjoying the whole experience of celebrating my DCs birthday, so I think it better just to chase without resentment and then budget for a couple of extra kids and party bags. Some will accept and not come, some will not accept and will...it's just how it is.

Hope your DC has a lovely party.

Mmm, I'm a little surprised that anyone could be defending not RSVP'ing to invites. However, judging by how few unsolicited RSVPs we got for dd's last party, I can't say I'm surprised.

IMHO, not replying is rude, period. Especially if you do it time and time again. I'm sure people would be forgiving if you really forgot or you have other priorities at the time (and by this, I mean illness in the family or some such, not a tap class). If you can't be trusted to remember to respond, then just say a blanket no to every invite as and when you receive it and spare the organiser that little bit of stress. Particularly if the party has to be paid for per head (extremely rude and unforgivable to not RSVP in these cases, and then turn up!)

What I meant was that probably only one or two would have a decent reason for not replying, not that you wouldn't have to be resigned to many more being too impolite/lazy to reply

Lutyens - not defending it all! But saying there are things you can't change and getting het up over them in such a way that it detracts from your enjoyment of a celebration is self-defeating (not suggesting coffeefestival is doing this btw) so just advocating accepting the fact that people forget to reply (through rudeness, being busy, whatever) and that you need to chase.

So look at coffeefestival's language - she feels hurt and is describing her potential guests (or their parents) as impolite or lazy - it's not a great feeling to feel that. A bit of understanding that actually they may be busy/disorganised/have mislaid it/been overwhelmed by life and giving them a bit of forgiveness would make for a much nicer feeling.

(I always reply, and I always get the DCs to write thank you letters but that's another thread).

But it's a snub, isn't it? They're happy to make it clear that they care so little about the person who sent the invitation that they're not going to ensure they reply. Why shouldn't the OP be annoyed by being treated like that?

Love the wedding buffet. Don't think I'd be that brave. Can u imagine no rsvp no party bag!

Lulu I don't for a minute think my kids are more important to anyone else and likewise I don't think anyone elses kids are more important to me but I do always reply to any invites as that's how I was brought up. If like you it was just a couple I hadn't heard from then I wouldn't have thought it a big deal. Having to chase around 12 people in the playground is not fun.

AbitTipsy, I wish I had their emails/tele no's but I don't know these people and we don't get given lists. Alot of parents are working so we don't get to chat at the gates that much.

Dontcallme, I'm like you and hate having to make a phonecall so I made sure I gave my email and mobile so they could text.

Thanks everyone for replying (don't want to not acknowledge you all now!). Got hold of a couple more - 1 yes, 1 no. It's £10per head and numbers have to be confirmed 1 week before. I can see why people stick to inviting friends whose parent they know now. Oh well live and learn, it's definitely not going to stop dc enjoying himself, he's completely oblivious to the organising of this!

My goodness, nobody is too busy to bother to reply to an RSVP! The excuses people come up with to this question are unbelievable. I don't care if you're the Prime Minister, you still owe some basic courtesy to somebody who is kind enough to invite YOUR child to a party. Or perhaps you don't take any interest in your child's friendships (that child that's supposedly the centre of your universe)?

I saw a BBC news item a while ago that claimed some people are "too busy" to brush their teeth!! Some people are utterly pathetic.

DS designed his own invitations for his 11th party. one them he put "Please let my mum know if you can come or not, otherwise she will fuss a lot" Two out of four people replied and turned up.

I think rsvp these days means only if you're coming. If they turn up tell them they can wait in the foyer to give our dc his/her present and then go home

I wouldn't mind, but DS's invites to 6 of his nursery friends had a tear off slip that said I can/can't come (delete as appropriate). Perhaps that's too difficult for the majority of parents given that only 1 bothered to cross out one or the other and pop the slip in his cubbyhole, or phone on the given number.

I was especially upset that the parents of the little girl he has been best friends with for the whole 2 years he's attended the nursery couldn't even be bothered to reply.