To want my hoarding parents to sort through all their accumulated stuff while they still can, so I won't have to when they aren't able to do it themselves?

[Rumbled]

I bumped into an old friend today. We've known each other since we were kids. We got talking about our parents' hoarding habits. She said that when her mum had a stroke and had to move, it took my friend, her brother and sister four months to clear out their mum's three-bedroom semi full of stuff, around their work/family commitments.

It's been lurking in the back of my mind that one day I may have to face something similar, but I've tried not to think about it. My mum and dad have so much stuff in their four-bedroom house - piles of papers and boxes of old stuff everywhere: lining the halls, piled up in the kitchen, in all the spare rooms, etc. The front room is currently a store room, and we often eat meals on our laps there because there's stuff on the dining table. We're not talking averagely untidy and cluttered here.

Talking with my friend today, and realising that there would be just one of me to sort Mum and Dad's stuff down the line (if they don't deal with it before they're not able to/around), and I'm on my own with a DS ... I panicked! I can't imagine being able to deal with this. Even with help, it would feel overwhelming.

I love my parents dearly and don't want to upset them by bringing this up - Dad will no doubt get angry and defensive, and Mum will feel guilty, and I expect nothing would change - but it seems so unjust, selfish, if they don't deal with this and get it under control while they still can.

Am I being unreasonable to be even thinking about this? Or are my parents being unreasonable to effectively expect me to deal with all their stuff some time down the line? Is there anything I can do/say?

Thanks.

lol @ the Germans coming back

A basic rule of any house should be that for every item that is brought in something has to leave.

It really focuses DCs when they need that new toy that when they get home an old toy has to go to charity. No ifs and buts.

Apply the rule to every single item you buy.

We either own stuff or it owns us - everything we have requires attention, whether it needs, washing, folding, ironing, cleaning, polishing, dusting, watching, reading, watering, charging etc etc etc it is still a chore.

I would rather live with less crap possessions and have more time for the things I do like to do

Just need to get DP to agree with me [grrr]

Does that apply to DCs - cos you'd only end up with 1 - I'd have to take the others back to the hospital or freecycle them then??

Its a good idea and will try - starting with DWs bulging sock draw (think its some sort of fetish to have matching socks to ouitfit).

It's not just a generational thing though - sometimes you end up with a lot of stuff for valid reasons, and sometimes it's being too busy to clear up much, and then sometimes you start finding that slowly but steadily you an make a fair extra income Ebaying stuff, but that takes time and having people coming round meddling and making faces doesn't help you get on top of it yourself.

SDD

It definately does not work with beer or wine either. I would turn into a screaming hellcat if that were the case.

There is an exception to every rule

YANBU

I will have this problem too and its just me!

Have talked about this with my Mum and she has at last let me go thru some of it with me. I think it brought it home to her how much nicer it was to do it together so she could tell me about the stuff she had got.

Unfortunately, there is not enough time left for either of us to do this. She is in the process of writing me a list of valuable things to look for (!).

People do have the right to live how they want but sometimes they need to realise how their right affects other people.

It is a separate issue now as I am have just about moved on but my parents hoarding has affected my whole life and my mum has always denied it. I never had people back for tea, my parents have never had a dinner party and now my mum is older she won't have people back to her house and so she is lonely! She wants to move to be closer to us but she doesn't want an estate agent or any prospective buyers to look round the house either - aarrgghhh!

Hoarding is a horrible and far reaching problem.

YABU. They are your parents not your children and if they want to keep stuff they can. It actually has nothing to do with you. My FIL died a few months ago and he was a hoarder. He never threw anything away. Yes it took DH and I ages to sort through his house and it was quite sad to see the rubbish he had kept. But although we used to joke with him about his hoarding we would have never expected him or asked him to get rid of stuff, That's how he chose to live.