Sorry to post this in AIBU but I am a regular here, I have namechanged for this.
I've never suffered from depression or any mental health issues. But I'm finding it hard at the moment and I dont know whether it is depression, whether my mirena coil is causing me to be moody, or whether I just need to make some changes in my life.
I have 2 children, 33 months and 8 months. I am a SAHM and do not miss work, well not the work I was doing anyway. I have/had no real plans to return to work in the forseeable future. I have a loving husband, happy marriage pretty much free of fights or bickering with no smouldering issues or anything like that. I have no money worries.
However, I seldom feel excited anticipation about anything, even exciting holidays or other events that usually make people muster up some enthusiasm. I sort of feel flat about most things most the time. I have zero sex drive.
I am less and less patient with my children, one of who is a preschooler and the other who is a baby. I generally behave well towards them though I find myself more recently using a very fed up and slightly angry sounding tone with my preschooler.
I am fed up with things like potty accidents, bad manners, seeing squashed food in places it shouldnt be, and constantly repeating myself about various things that can't be done/touched or unacceptable behaviour, and those various things that we have to deal with as parents that it is our job to sort - I am less and less "okay" with this kind of thing and really just wish it would stop at least for a few days.
I hate the lack of freedom that having 2 small children brings, and would be so pleased to just have a bit of time where I didn't have to consider anyone else. I find this hard to the extent that I am doing less and less as it all seems too hard. In fact, I think I'd just stay home all the time and keep myself to myself if it weren't for the fact that the children play up and wind me up more if they haven't had an outing.
I feel like I'm counting the days till both my children have started full time school, to the extent that I'm not really enjoying these so called precious early years. Even the thought that they will one day start school depresses me because I start to think about whether I should go and study and get a new career to give me something to do when they do start school, but then that fills me with anxiety because I then wonder how I will go about it, how I will deal with childcare, if not before/after school then in school holidays. Its nearly 5 years until this is even an issue but I find myself mulling over this too.
I am sick of seeing the same people week in week out, being in constantly female company when I do see adults (apart from my husband in the evening). I would love to just see some normal people but they are all at work.
I didn't really think post natal depression was possible as when I had the baby (number 2) late last year I felt fine, didn't even cry on the famous "day 3" or whatever day it is after childbirth where your hormones crash. I felt fine, and still feel like I am coping from the point of view of looking after them - they are fed, watered, stimulated and happy, they are both good sleepers, and I am also well slept, though I realise there's more to "coping" than that. but I feel pretty flat now. Can it be delayed onset?
I had my mirena coil for 6 months and have had no trouble from it from the point of view of bleeding or cramps.
Am I depressed? Am I fed up with the kinds of things I should be fed up with, am I feeling like I should be or is it not normal to feel this flat and irritable, what is the first thing that came into your mind when you read this? Do I just need to get a life and go and study or work?
Sorry to trash the board with an advice post, I do contribute plenty of proper AIBU topics normally under my normal name so I do make a contribution, I hope you dont mind me using this board but I want to hear the opinions of the regular people whose opinions I see on other topics. Thank you for reading and I hope I haven't bored you silly.