AIBU - will go with the mumsnet majority..

[Theantsgomarching]

Hi

We are christening ds tomorrow, and I had a lovely dress sorted for dd(2.3) to wear. Anyway, our cleaner/family friend had made her a dress before for the christening but we had to post-pone so I explained I'd not save it for new date as it wouldn't fit for long etc. I also stated a couple of times that my sis had bought dd a dress to wear for rearranged christening..Are you following so far?

Anyway, long story short(ish)she showed up this evening with a "surprise" for us all - a dress she made for dd to wear tomorrow!! Put it on her and dd loved it and we all said how lovely it is etc, and it is, its just really really OTT!! It's what you'd expect from a flowergirl at a wedding, not just a guest ifkwim.

So, I think its totally tacky and ott and nowhere near as nice as simple dress I'd planned but is it rude beyond belief after she has obviously spent HOURS making it.

I really don't know what to do

put her in your dress. your DD so your choice. Prehaps you could 'spill' coffee on it before you leave

Bit late in the day to give a surprise gift and expect it to be worn.

Put her in your planned dress, but in advance (important) call cleaner/family friend to say that:

although her dress is FAR and away the one that dd/you all adore - it might be (and I must be discreet, I'm sure you understand) a bit difficult within the family if they don't wear the dresses which a family member (I won't name names) has paid for. Didn't want to say so before but you've just been let know that it will cause big ructions. So sorry and embarrassed, sure you understand etc.

Tell her you love the dress but your sister would be heartbroken if dd didn't wear the dress she brought her.

She isn't a guest. She is the sister of the child being christened. Your DD likes it, your cleaner/family friend made it especially for you. I can't see what the dilemma is. If she wears your dress, you will feel a bit more comfortable. If she wears the dress your cleaner/family friend made, your DD will be happy and your friend will be happy. I think that unless it is truly ugly, then there is no question.

call her and say your sister's got upset at the suggestion you won't put DD in the dress you picked and your sure she'll understand you need to keep the peace so DD won't be in her dress but will wear it another time. (play the "my sister's a diva" card)

My sister won't be here though, she lives abroad, and the dressmaker will be..

What OneBat said.

One for the ceremony and one for afterwards?

Let your DD decide....no-one can (or should) argue with that

This only works if cleaner/family friend isnt attending the christening.
But..
Can't your dd wear the dress tomorrow - but just not at the ceremony?

Pop the dress on her later in the day .
Take copious photos for showing to cleaner /ff afterwards.
Everyone happy.

Thats what I was thinking SOH, change her out of the dress after church so that it "doesn't get ruined".. I know it might be ungrateful of me but I am kind of annoyed that she took such liberties, not to ask if it was okay or did I like style/colour?

Am I a horrible cow? I just hate really brash clothes

Oh dear. Your DD spilt milk/spewed all over the thoughtfully made dress right before you left the house. Lucky you had an alternate.

Unless it's utterly unsuitable, I think I'd let dd pick.

If she picks OTT new frock (which we all know she will!) then fair enough, she'll feel special & have happy memories of the day.

If you really can't stand the thought- then obviously, your sister is already gutted she can't be there & was DESPERATE to contribute by providing dd's frock - she's standing by for the photos & will be destroyed/give you mucho grief if they don't feature dd, prominently, in her frock.

Yes but your sister will see the photos of the christening.

Do onebat's suggested script with her, put your DD in your choice of dress for the church / do afterwards, then the cleaner's one for the other venue. I actually think you might be better off with her in the gaudy dress at the church as surely then everyone'll be looking at your DS? Anyway, time split between the two dresses somehow is the way to go. Take photos of both.

could she wear both. One for the ceremony and one for the celebration?

Let her wear it- how nice for DD to know that she is wearing a dress which somebody made especially for her...

let dd choose. who cares what it looks like if she feels like a princess in it?

Another vote here for the more classic dress for ceremony (and taking pictures of her wearing it) and the other for home/venue later on, more pictures. No-one could feel you hadn't at least tried to be fair to yourself, your sister and the maker of OTT but flowergirl/party pretty dress

You guys are WAY nicer than me...BOO

Am I going to have to put her in it now, I'm a woman of my word. Shall we set a deadline amd count the votes?

And even if you feel as though you're being horrible, the fact you're asking us and saying you'll go with majority shows you're really not a horrible person!

I think let DD wear the dress for some of the day at least - she'll love it for dressing up and everyone is happy.

I'm kind of shocked that people are suggesting chucking drinks over the dress to destroy it so she doesn't have to wear it. If this friend has spent hours making something for a gift for you, choosing not to wear it is one thing, but to destroy it just because you prefer something else would be awful.

It does seem fairest that if two dresses have been provided by different people, your DD wears each of them for part of the day. Just a question of which one she wears when. As long as you get at least one photo of you all with her in both outfits, either way it can't be too bad.