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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - will go with the mumsnet majority..

67 replies

Theantsgomarching · 11/06/2010 22:25

Hi

We are christening ds tomorrow, and I had a lovely dress sorted for dd(2.3) to wear. Anyway, our cleaner/family friend had made her a dress before for the christening but we had to post-pone so I explained I'd not save it for new date as it wouldn't fit for long etc. I also stated a couple of times that my sis had bought dd a dress to wear for rearranged christening..Are you following so far?

Anyway, long story short(ish)she showed up this evening with a "surprise" for us all - a dress she made for dd to wear tomorrow!! Put it on her and dd loved it and we all said how lovely it is etc, and it is, its just really really OTT!! It's what you'd expect from a flowergirl at a wedding, not just a guest ifkwim.

So, I think its totally tacky and ott and nowhere near as nice as simple dress I'd planned but is it rude beyond belief after she has obviously spent HOURS making it.

I really don't know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
Theantsgomarching · 11/06/2010 23:28

Right, I'm going to put her in the made dress for the church. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 11/06/2010 23:33

Good on you - i think that's the right and kind thing to do

tagine · 12/06/2010 00:32

Sorry, so your cleaner has now made 2 dresses for your DD? Completely uninvited to do so??

How odd.

Oh, sorry the question. Yes, I'd put her in both dresses for part of the day and get photos of each for the respective purchasers!

Could be worse, she could have made you a dress...

katycarr · 12/06/2010 00:38

I also think that is the right and kind thing to do.

Otterlybotterly · 12/06/2010 07:34

Get a new cleaner?

EricNorthmansmistress · 12/06/2010 07:38

The cleaner is also a friend, no? It's not like a random employee has made her DD clothes. This woman presumably enjoys making clothes and if fond of the child, it's not a weird thing to do per se, but a bit presumptuous to present you with a dress the day before. I think it's kindest to let her wear it for some of the time.

HumphreyCobbler · 12/06/2010 07:39

you deserve a halo

it IS the right thing to do, but it would irritate me too I think

BubbaAndBump · 12/06/2010 07:44

I think it's churlish to be irritated by it - she's probably just very kind hearted but with a different style to yours. She's done something very kind. We've all been given things that aren't to our taste where somebody has clearly spent time or money or both choosing/making it, but we deal with it and appreciate the effort that's gone in to it rather than the outcome.

Good idea to wear both - especially as both are presents especially for the occasion. Lucky girl!

Otterlybotterly · 12/06/2010 07:44

Never pays to be too pally with the staff. I used to pay my mum to do my cleaning but all she did was raid the fridge and make all her phone calls from my house. My DH popped home once in the middle of the day and found the TV on and my mum guiltily spraying Pledge into the air.

thumbwitch · 12/06/2010 07:45

let your DD choose which dress she wants to wear in the morning. Take the other one as well, as it's quite likely that somethign will get spilt and she'll need to change anyway.

Or if your DD can't decide - wear the fancy one for the ceremony and then change her into the plainer one for afterwards.

JackBauerDeservedAHappyEnding · 12/06/2010 07:47

I think you are being terribly ungrateful tbh.

But agree with changing dresses to keep everyone happy.

Otterlybotterly · 12/06/2010 07:48

Hope the christening is going well!

Twould be nice if we had a bit more description of the 'tacky, OTT' dress so we could really suck through our teeth.

HumphreyCobbler · 12/06/2010 07:49

I think OP is allowed to be ungrateful.

She didn't ASK for a dress, why should she feel anything?

She is going to put her daughter in the dress, which I think is the right thing to do, but she is not really being given a choice. I think that is a bit annoying.

littledawley · 12/06/2010 07:54

I'm in the minority but I think the woman sounds a bit odd!!! I will admit that I'm a control freak about what my children wear so my vote goes to the dress you choose!

ReneRusso · 12/06/2010 07:57

Can you post pictures of the two dresses? Then we can really get judgey.

thesecondcoming · 12/06/2010 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JackBauerDeservedAHappyEnding · 12/06/2010 08:19

I think she's being ungrateful because the cleaner has made a dress for her daughter, which her daughter loves and wants to wear.
She didn't make it for the OP.
Seems as if the cleaner wants your dd to feel a bit special whiel everyone else is cooing over your ds (quite rightly)

I have made dresses and clothes for friends children and if I heard they were thinking of chucking things on it or destroying it I would be horrified, hurt and deeply saddened.

Why couldn't you just have said 'Oh how lovely, but my sister bought her a special dress so I shall keep it and she can wear it when she wants'

Original poster
Theantsgomarching · 12/06/2010 08:24

JackBauer - I didn't consider throwing anything on it or destroying it! and would never do so. Also, I didn't say what you suggest above because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and disappoint her. But I don't think its ungrateful to not want something I don't like or wanted asked about - surely I should have a say in what dd wears more than the cleaner/family friend anyway!

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 12/06/2010 08:35

Let your daughter decide!

Tootlesmummy · 12/06/2010 08:38

I'd either swap dresses during the day or let DD decide.

thumbwitch · 12/06/2010 08:46

It is tough theants - but the thought was a kind one (not so sure about TSC's MIL, that was probably more controlling) and the gratitude should be for the thought rather than the actual gift.

I think you have the right idea anyway - wearing both dresses through the day would work well, I think.

LadyintheRadiator · 12/06/2010 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

violethill · 12/06/2010 09:58

So let me get this right:
You say that you mentioned several times to your dressmaker friend that your sister had bought a dress for your dd to wear for the rearranged Christening, so actually its very presumptious and a little but rude for her to turn up with another dress. What did you say when she turned up? Did you just not mention (again) the dress your sister had already bought?

Having said that, I think if your dd loves it, then best to let her have the choice. She's tried it on, she's going to expect to wear it, and tbh with your dressmaker friend being the pushy type who foisted this dress on you and is going to be a guest, surely she will spend all day interrogating your dd as to why she isn't wearing it? She sounds like a very pushy type of person, and it could spoil the day if she's telling people she made a lovely dress and why isn't your dd wearing it etc.

There may be an opportunity to change into the other one later in the day, or if not, arrange a special family meal or event soon and do photos and tell your sister you kept the dress for that event instead, because your bonkers cleaning dressmaker lady foisted a christening dress on you.

I do think it's a very strange and pushy way to behave though.

williewalshsballs · 12/06/2010 09:59

i agree with violet

JackBauerDeservedAHappyEnding · 12/06/2010 10:01

I know you didn't but some people were.
I can't see why it is so important that she is dressed in something you approve of though. If she loves it and the thought/intentions were good where is the harm?
What will you do when she is older + wants to go to the park in wellies, a tutu and a fireman sam pj top?