Over reaction or take it further

[west3]

Genuine opinions and thoughts please. DD approached by local old man (in effect a stranger as we don't know him other than by sight) yesterday and was offered choc but told by him to ask me first and he would give it her when he next saw her. DD reported it to me after school and I said if he approached her again to say no thanks and continue onto school. Walked dd to school today and i was approached asking if dd could have choc by same man. He's not allowed it and doesn't want it to go to waste. I said no thanks and dd continued onto school, man not bothered and says no problem re choc. DD went into school upset and reports she has been offered choc, mum said no but man approached again after mum left (??). Headteacher now involved and has contacted police, not sure if required in my opinion. My thoughts are that it was innocent and he was being nice if not very foolish. What does everyone think - innocent but foolish or something more sinister?

Innocent but foolish IMO.

We had a neighbour that was lonely that offered out children £100 each for Xmas. We said no, but he was well-meaning.

Who knows what his intentions were and I agree with you about foolishness.
He might have demetia that would have gone unrecognised and he could have died alone and not been found for months if the police don't go and check him out today iykwim.

sounds fine to me but up to you what you do
i live in a street full of old people and they are constantly offering the children sweets and money

Innocent but foolish. Certainly not a case for the police

Totally innocent and mabey stuck in the times whereby there was not such this hysteria about every man being a paedophile. It is a bit that your dd was upset about simply being offered chocolate if the man was non threatening, abusive or violent. Its sad really. There was alovely old man in my close when i was a child 25 years ago, all the kids would come round to his house and he would give them toffees, nothing more. Nowadays MrL would be branded a paedophile and under suvellence that he has kids coming to his house for sweets.

Think contacting police is overkill, but understand it is procedure and done purely as a precautionary measure. DD is aware of stranger danger but was happy with my explanation yesterday that he was prob trying to be nice but just to say no thanks and carry onto school if approached again. She was apparently very upset on arrival at school, not sure if it was 100% justified as I had already in effect sorted it or if she had just worked herself up and school have hit the panic button.

I was brought up in a lovely village where the old boys used to offer you a wee sweetie, but that was 30 years ago. It is a shame that over reaction is now the norm.

Totally innocent. Bless him. Probably going a bit doolally and wouldn't understand what all the fuss was about.

I hope the people at the school will be able to sleep at night when the old man is branded a paedophile and the local loons are chucking bricks through his window.

Also agree with Piglet that your daughter's reaction was a bit odd given it was only a sweet, and you don't say yourself there was any aggression involved.

'man approached again after mum left (??)'
When, this morning?

No aggression, but his manner is a bit in your face and voice is loud (think his hearing is a bit impaired as found I had to raise my voice slightly for him to hear me). Can understand it may frighten a child

Ok children should have stranger danger, but know enough not overreact or go into hysteria when offered sweets by elderly people.

Apparantly Limara, so headteacher said but haven't spoken to dd yet.

Well a lot of elderly people are deaf, and children should know about the different people who live in the community e.g elderly, disabled etc. When we were brownies we used to go round to the residential homes singing carols and just talking to the elderly.

So West3, you left her at the school gates and the man apparently approached her again? Am I understanding this right?

Piglet - totally agree but if he has been persistent.

Sounds to me a bit of a mix-up. If you walked your daughter into school this morning how could he have approached her again? Does your daughter mean the first time, when you say he asked her to ask her mum if it was OK?

No Limara, whilst I was talking to the man this morning I told dd to continue onto school (50 yds round corner). He has either caught up with her again or there is a misunderstanding somewhere.

I'm 33 and can remember being outside my infant school and the boys scaring us saying "have a sweety little girl" and "do you want to see my puppy" so we must have had a lesson about stranger danger and these must be common MO's for child snatchers

Things have really changed haven't they.

I remember in primary school being warned in assembly that there was a man hanging around school gates in his car, just after most parents had gone, asking children if they wanted to get in his car and go see some puppies. Again. He was known to the school and police and it almost seemed quite casual, 'oh not him again.'

Nowadays (can't believe I just used that word!) we are more vigilant, not surprised your dd is upset OP, she will be taking her cues from everyone around her - I would be worried in my heart but being sensible in my head, iykwim.

Think the over riding opinion is same as mine. Totally innocent on his part but foolish. Really didn't want it reporting to police and voiced that to headteacher but decision was taken out of my hands. Problem now is how to tackle dd as it seems she has totally over reacted.

sounds like a mix up imo. I'm sure it will blow over. DD prob aware of stranger danger and may have got a little freaked out?

When talking to dd I kept it light and just said for her to say politely "no thanks" and carry onto school. No fuss, no mention of stranger danger and certainly didn't make an issue of it as from start thought it was innocent.

Its different if a stranger asks you to go with them somewhere, i used to be taught to say no and to run away. I used to have a red picure book about it called 'what would you do' I think. If he is persistant i can understand your dd being scared but probably an innocent explanation like he has dementia or Alzheimers. However I remember as a child elderly folk in my close used to be quite persistant in their sweet offering. God rest their souls awww bless.

It really annoys me when there are threads like this and people do the face that people may be concerned. It isn't about thinking that every man is an abuser.

Men and women groom children to then go on to abuse them and this man could be one of those or he could just be trying to be friendly.

If this was happening to my children I would be walking them to school every day if I didn't already.

Actually feel sorry for the man, hope police see sense and don't take it any further. Hope they leave him be, not even a quiet word is required imo.