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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who shoulg get up at the weekend

61 replies

Aeschylus · 09/06/2010 08:52

Just need to check if I am being an ass or not, our DC who is 2 has decided that sleep is for the weak and for the last month has been waking very early, anywhere from between 3 and 4am, We have tried everything, from come into our bed, take him back to his, stay in his bed etc etc, however this thread is about who gets up!!

at the moment we take it in turns, I am aware like this morning when DC woke at 3am my partner has to go to work all day, so I thought I would make a offer and it did not go down well.

I suggested that because they have to work I would do all the weekdays, and they do the weekends, this was met with venom, and I got accused of being selfish, my partner feels that b/c I do get a Nap when DC crahes in the day I should do the week and 1 weekend morning as if they have to do both the weekend days they would never get a lay-in.

so I would do 6 days to their one, I appreciate I am the one looking after DC, so perhaps it should be my job, but I just want to check If AIBU?

Any advice welcome

OP posts:

pjmama · 09/06/2010 08:54

One lie in each at the weekend is how we've always done it.

Original poster

Aeschylus · 09/06/2010 08:56

we have always as well when he was waking at 6.30 ish, but how did you do it in the week?

OP posts:

Fruitysunshine · 09/06/2010 08:59

Regardless of the week's events we always have one lie in each at the weekend.

Sometimes through the week I am up more in the night compared to DH and vice versa on other weeks. It is swings and roundabouts. If you start getting competitive about it then you will get into arguments..

WhatSheSaid · 09/06/2010 09:03

1 lie-in each at the weekend each here too. Dh works f-t, I'm SAHM.

If your dc is waking between 3-4 am have you looked at reducing/getting rid of his daytime sleep? Dd is 2.7 and has stopped sleeping in the day now, she has gone from waking at 5am to waking at 7 since the daytime sleep stopped. 3-4 am is bloody early (as I'm sure you are all to well aware!)

BlameItOnTheBogey · 09/06/2010 09:04

I agree with one lie in each at the weekend. It's a truly depressing thought to think of never getting a lie in. But I wouldn't get up with ds at 4am, I'd go in and tell him it was the middle of the night and to go back to bed and then pretty much keep doing that all night if needs be . Unless you are putting him to bed really early or he is taking a long day time nap, then surely he needs more sleep than this?

sterrryerryoh · 09/06/2010 09:09

My dh gets up at 3am for work every morning mon-fri, so I wake up every morning. (Ie weekdays and weekends) with ds, as I figure dh needs lie-ins more than I do, as I do sometimes have the chance to sleep in the day and dh doesn't. The pay-off for me is that dh does the bath and bed routine 5 nights a week and we do it together weekends. It's nice, and for us it works. But I think the suggestion of 1 w/e morning each is fair. My dh offers, but I know he secretly loves his lie-ins!

Original poster

Aeschylus · 09/06/2010 09:16

he goes to bet at about 8.30pm but he is crashing in the afternoon for about 3 hours, but we kind of figured he needs it as he is not sleeping at night

OP posts:

DetectivePotato · 09/06/2010 09:21

I wouldn't let my DS get up at 3-4 in the morning. He gets up at 6 anyway and he did go through a phase of getting earlier and earlier. We didn't let him get up, gave him some milk and told him it was still night time. He got out of it pretty quickly. The 3 hour nap in the afternoon is way too much. My DS is 2.4 and has a 2 hour sleep at 11-1. You need to stop that afternoon sleep.

DetectivePotato · 09/06/2010 09:22

Oh and in answer to your question, we get 1 lie in each at the weekend, its only fair. Your DH has a point.

WhatSheSaid · 09/06/2010 09:22

It's a bit of a vicious circle, it will be hard to keep him up in the day because he'll be so tired from waking up so early. But seriously, I'd think about restricting his daytime sleep to 90 mins or whatever, to try to get him to sleep later in the morning.

Just sticking my two cents in , I know that's not what you were asking about! But 3-4am every day would drive me insane.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 09/06/2010 09:24

But then it is a vicious circle isn't it? I'd rethink your day. Start it at 6.30am (e.g. not allowed out of the bedroom before then), nap after lunch (around 1230) for no longer than 90 mins and then bed time at 7pm. You'll have a hellish week when you first try this. Use rapid return in the morning until 0630. He'll be difficult in the afternoons but this should start to pay off and you can both sleep later than 4am on a regular basis.

inchhighprivateeye · 09/06/2010 09:26

8.30pm is very late for a two year old. If you made bedtime a bit earlier and cut back the afternoon sleep to no more than an hour then the early wakings should stop.

WhatSheSaid · 09/06/2010 09:31

X-post BlameItOnTheBogey with "vicious circle" .

I agree with that suggested routine, it will be hard at first but worth it.

ProfYaffle · 09/06/2010 09:32

I'm a sahm too and we sort of do one lie in each at the weekend too, although whoever gets up early at the weekend is also entitled to go for a nap in the afternoon if needed.

Also, if we're having a bad sleep patch with the dc, dh will get up with them, get them ready for school/nursery, and let me 'lie in' til he goes to work at 8am.

aniseed · 09/06/2010 09:32

You get lie-ins?? How lucky! We both work and my husband works all weekend and I work all the weekdays. Therefore no lie-ins.

I wish could have this argument.

ImSoNotTelling · 09/06/2010 09:33

You should both get a lie-in is the answer to the question.

But I for one would not be getting up at 3 or 4 am. Sleep is a big thing for me and I just wouldn't have it. (I sound mean don;t I )

I would try the following:
Drop the nap, that is the root cause. Will be hell for a couple of days but if he's sleeping 3 hours in the afternoon then it's not surprising he's getting up early. Maybe wake him up after shorter periods each day or something.
Get a bunny clock. Tell him he can get up and play quietly in his room, but he is not to come into your room until the bunny wakes up
Um
Lots of other ideas

You must be exhausted

MumNWLondon · 09/06/2010 09:41

Sorry but your DS should not be allowed to get up at that time. He's not tired as you are letting him sleep 3 hours in the day.

Who is in charge in your house - sounds like its him, and IMO the fact that you are encouraging this behaviour (3 hour day time sleep) is the reason for the 3 am wake up - so it should be YOU dealing with it both days at the weekend.

By age 2 both my kids have only had around 30-45 mins at lunchtime (I have had to wake them - any longer and they were not tired at bedtime). By 2.5 neither of them had any daytime sleep (other than maybe 10 mins in buggy) but slept 7pm-7.30am every day.

Cut the lunchtime sleep back (gradually?) until he is really tired at 7pm.

Buy a timeswitch and set the light to go on at 6am and tell him he is not allowed out of bed until the light is on. You will need to be a little tough, each going in every 10 mins to calm him.... you can gradually move the time to 7am.

ImSoNotTelling · 09/06/2010 09:47

What happened to families working together?

The DH isn't a passive partner in all this, at the weekends he is there, he is there in the mornings when the child wakes, he is presumably able to use his mouth to communicate with his OH what his ideas are about this early waking. Why should the mother bear the entire responsibility for everything that happens with the DS.

God I hate that attitude. It's mummy's job and if mummy has done something wrong then mummy must be punished, While presumably the father is allowed to sit on the sidelines watching it all unfold as it's absolutely nothing to do with him. Honestly.

Clue is in the OP "We have tried everything" yet the mother has to bear the responsibility. Great.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 09/06/2010 09:49

We have a similar thing with our dd who wakes at 4.45 - 5 am every morning. However its really not 3 or 4 am. So, she has either no lunchtime nap or half an hour if really tired, then goes to lunch at 6.30 - 7pm. We've tried putting her to bed later but she just gets more tired and irritable and eventually over tired.

However she doesn't come out of her room until 6.30am. She plays with her toys on the floor in her bedroom so whilst I'm awake / dozing I'm not up with her.

With regard to the lie ins at weekends. We do it in strict rotation one each at the weekends.

Lauriefairycake · 09/06/2010 09:55

eh....?It is her job, she's a sahm - she's the only one able and around to cut nap times during the week.

Agree you should get one lie in each if you're going to persist with the 3 hour naps.

DetectivePotato · 09/06/2010 09:56

Imsonottelling

I don't remember reading any messages on here that is totally blaming the mother for this and saying it has nothing to do with the father.

People are just saying that it is only fair that they each get a lie in on the weekend.

I have M.E. and struggle big time to get up. DH gets up with DS weekdays and brings him upstairs when he leaves for work. Sundays I get up and let DH have a lie in then I have to go back to bed when he gets up as I am falling asleep by then. It is a pain and it makes me feel really awful but it is only fair as I get Saturdays to lie in.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 09/06/2010 10:00

Yup, cut the nap and introduce an earlier bedtime. Sympathies for the early wakings though. It's not quite as early but DD has started waking at 5am. Hopefully it'll pass before I go back to work, I work Saturdays and DH works all week, we would be clawing each others eyes out for the lie-in on Sunday!

whatname · 09/06/2010 10:03

what's a lie in?

ImSoNotTelling · 09/06/2010 10:07

detective potato the post before mine said that it was the fault of the mother and as such she should not get any lie-ins.

"Who is in charge in your house - sounds like its him, and IMO the fact that you are encouraging this behaviour (3 hour day time sleep) is the reason for the 3 am wake up - so it should be YOU dealing with it both days at the weekend."

I think that is a crappy attitude.

Pannacotta · 09/06/2010 10:08

I agree with the others sho suggest shortening your DS's daytime nap and putting him to bed earlier, it will make life miuch easier for you.
That way sharing the weekend mornings wont be such a big issue and you can both get a decent lie in...

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