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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who shoulg get up at the weekend

61 replies

Aeschylus · 09/06/2010 08:52

Just need to check if I am being an ass or not, our DC who is 2 has decided that sleep is for the weak and for the last month has been waking very early, anywhere from between 3 and 4am, We have tried everything, from come into our bed, take him back to his, stay in his bed etc etc, however this thread is about who gets up!!

at the moment we take it in turns, I am aware like this morning when DC woke at 3am my partner has to go to work all day, so I thought I would make a offer and it did not go down well.

I suggested that because they have to work I would do all the weekdays, and they do the weekends, this was met with venom, and I got accused of being selfish, my partner feels that b/c I do get a Nap when DC crahes in the day I should do the week and 1 weekend morning as if they have to do both the weekend days they would never get a lay-in.

so I would do 6 days to their one, I appreciate I am the one looking after DC, so perhaps it should be my job, but I just want to check If AIBU?

Any advice welcome

OP posts:

Snobear4000 · 09/06/2010 10:09

Tell DC to go back to bed. Any time before 7am is totally unreasonable and parents are becoming slaves to their own kids if they let them get up at three, four, five o'clock.

It's your house. Send them back to bed. You're the adult.

Bonsoir · 09/06/2010 10:10

Put your DC to bed later.

Bunnyjo · 09/06/2010 10:14

I feel for you OP, 3am is an extremely early wake-up call!

WRT to weekends, I do think that sharing the weekend responsibility is fair - you do one day and your DH does the other.

I do think that you and DH need to discuss the way forward with DS's routine - the 3hr day-time nap seems to be the crux of the problem. I agree with other posters who have suggested reducing his day-time nap or cutting it altogether if needs be. It will be an very difficult couple of weeks while you settle DS into a new routine, but the pain may well be worth it in the end.

Good luck and I hope you all manage to get some quality sleep soon.

foureleven · 09/06/2010 10:16

You mst realise that it would be unreasonable fro your partner to get up every morning and go to work AND get up both weekend mornings with your child too right?

In what world would that be fair?

Im not going to get in to whether your afternoon naps mean you work less hard than him blah bah blah because there are so many other factors like how much housework he wdoes/you do etc etc.

This is about getting up in the morning, and your partner deserves lie ins too.

But yes as others have said, your child is ruling your life. Send them back to bed. Then take it in turns to get up at the weekend at a sensible time like 7am.

lifeas3plus1 · 09/06/2010 10:17

I'm a SAHM and I get up with Ds every morning during the week as Dp gets up early for work and we both have one lie in at weekends.

It's only fair I reckon.

I agree, a 3 hour nap is probably far too long and the cause of your Dc early wakings.

If my ds woke at that time I would treat it as the middle of the night so soothing him back to sleep with either milk or cuddles with minimum fuss and lights left off.

foureleven · 09/06/2010 10:22

Oh god just caught the 3 hour nap in the day thing. That needs to stop. I got in to a habit (for a bout a week) when DD was tiny (about 4 mths I think) where She slept for 3 hours in the afternoon. I loved it as I got to nap too but very quickly realised that it was pretty selfish to take my nap then and then expect DP to help when DD woke in the early hours of the morning... If you want to let your DC do this so you can have a nap in the afternoon then fine but the price is that you deal with the concequences, not your DP!

God sorry for the harsh tone, I am very hormonal and pissy today... and mostly jealous of the thought of a lie in as I havent slept past 6.30am in the last 4 years and NEVER get a nap..! at least not in the week.

Hullygully · 09/06/2010 10:25

You are barking. You let him sleep for three hours because he needs it as he's not sleeping at night. Like, duh.

shimmerysilverglitter · 09/06/2010 10:25

Well this happened about three times with ds before it was made perfectly clear that getting up at that time wsas completely unacceptable and would be met with mummy. Same for DD.

Both of my dc are excellent sleepers and ds now old enough that he can get up and potter around by himself until I rise .

Hullygully · 09/06/2010 10:26

And what the hell do you do at 3 am? Go downstairs and play?

shimmerysilverglitter · 09/06/2010 10:30

Hullygully.

Non sleeping dc here tend to go into reverse at the sight of mummy.

Getting up and doing stuff during the night never was and never will be possibility in the Shimmery household.

ImSoNotTelling · 09/06/2010 10:31

I have a friend who got up at 3 am with her toddler.

Yes they used to get up, have breakfast, and act as if it were normal morningtime. Even though it was pitch dark, there were owls flying around outside, revellers making their way home from the pub, and everyone else was in bed asleep.

She was very enthusiatic though, i expect the got up and started baking and stuff

Bonsoir · 09/06/2010 10:32

I think we should have a Mumsnet Campaign for Aligning Children's Sleeping Hours with Those of Parents.

Every other country in the world I have ever been to does so - maybe we can drag the UK into the modern world...

GoodDaysBadDays · 09/06/2010 10:34

I agree with cutting the daytime nap

DS3 is 2.11 and dropped his daytime naps himself at 2 - he sleeps 7-7 most nights

I can sympathise with the early starts though, dd is nearly 1 and wakes around 4-5 most days and is pretty restless throughout the night. I do all the getting up, week days and weekends but am a sahm and dh works long hours (doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate the occasional lie in!)

But I digress, 1 weekend lie in each seems reasonable to me

Hullygully · 09/06/2010 10:41

So what DO you do at 3 am?

Francagoestohollywood · 09/06/2010 10:43

Bonsoir, I fear yours is a lost battle

Imsonottelling, is your friend still that enthusiastic??

tryingtoleave · 09/06/2010 10:48

One lie-in each is fair. We've always done this, even last year when I was up several times a night with dd and had no rest in the day because ds didn't nap. It simply made dh too miserable to never have the prospect of a lie in. And if you do have that long nap in the day it more than fair.

My ds was a terrible sleeper and an extremely difficult two year old. We co slept to survive and lots of people told me I was too soft. But when he started waking at 4 in the morning and wanting to play (soon after dd was born) he got plonked out of the room into the hall to scream and told he couldn't stay in our room unless he was quiet. It stopped him in 3 days. There are some things that are simply unacceptable.

compo · 09/06/2010 10:54

So at the moment you get up at 3am and both have a three hour nap in the afternoon?
While your dh is at work? So yes if you can't rejig his naps one lie in each at the weekend

BlameItOnTheBogey · 09/06/2010 10:59

ps - re the debate over whether this is the mum's job or not, you'll notice that Aeschylus has been totally gender neutral in the OP. So it is a massive assumption to assume that Aeschylus is the mum in the first place.

ImSoNotTelling · 09/06/2010 11:00

franca my friend is unfailingly enthusiastic. It tires me just thinking about her. Her children have always slept badly, I think she has probably got no more than 3 hours sleep ina night for years. (No sharing of lie-ins at her place, that's for sure).

Maybe the unfailing enthusiasm is actually a sympton of becoming unhinged through lack of sleep.

foureleven · 09/06/2010 11:26

blameitonthebogey, Thanks for pointing that out. I am hugely embarrassed to have made that assumption!!

Am off to the feminism and womens rights to have my bottom smacked.

foreverastudent · 09/06/2010 11:27

I dont think either of you should be getting up at 3/4am for a 2 year old.

Get that sorted asap, you both deserve a full nights sleep after 2 years.

BettyTurnip · 09/06/2010 11:29

Bonsoir - align in what way for the UK? Children sleeping 11pm-7am with no nap?!

mayorquimby · 09/06/2010 11:29

your husband is spot on. once each at the weekend.

Bonsoir · 09/06/2010 11:35

Betty - what works for me and all the mothers I know around me is putting your DC to bed at a time such as they wake naturally about 30 minutes to an hour after you - so you have time to get up, have a bath, breakfast etc before having to deal with DCs.

So, if you need 8 hours sleep and your DCs need 10 hours sleep, you might put them to bed at 9.30, go to bed yourself at 11, get up yourself at 7 and your DCs wake up at 7.30.

RhubarbFool · 09/06/2010 11:38

Your dc needs approx 12 hours sleep at night and at most a 1.5 hour nap. I'd start - like others have said - by waking him up early from his nap (let him nap say from 12.30-2pm) and put him to bed at 7pm.

Late bedtimes lead to night wakings, disrupted sleep, night terrors, etc. etc.

Children have different biological needs from adults. They need more sleep! Work on his rhythm and it'll sort itself out within a week.

And in the meantime - take it in turns on the weekend.

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