to not want him to call him "grandad"?

[illuminasam]

My father died 10 years ago when I was 30 and my mother re-married 2 years later. I like my stepdad, he's a nice enough man and I'm glad my mum is happy. He's very different to my dad though and has some views I don't agree with.

Now that I have a son (4 months old) the question has arisen of DS should call him. My mum wants him to be called Grandpa but I said I'd be more comfortable with just his first name, J. She thought this would be "disrespectful to an older person".

She has now come to me saying that he feels excluded which has put me in a difficult position. I don't want him to feel excluded but I don't want to feel uncomfortable with what he's called either!

I was very close to my Dad and it took me a while to feel comfortable with my mum remarrying quite soon after he died. I want DS to think of my dad as Grandad (dead or alive). My mum's opinion is that my father is dead and J will be the grandfather figure and should be called as such.

Calling him "Grandpa J" has been suggested, as has "Gramps". Both of these feel a bit close to Grandpa to me.

AIBU?

"He will never ever be his grandfather, it's not possible (unless they're not telling you something ) it's a biological position and there are only two of them".

You're wrong there. Grandfather is also a legal relation i.e if your son/daughter adopts a child then you legally become the child's grandparents.

My parents are dead and I'm delighted that DH's stepmother and stepfather are granny and granddad to our DD.

OP - please show some generosity of spirit and let your stepfather be a granddad to your child.

Do you say the same to your FIL?

I was going to post almost exactly what piglet did.

Linnet, exactly like my OH's family, not strange at all IMHO.

We were in a similar position - DH's Mum remarried after DH's Dad died.

When DD1 was born we got a card etc from "Grannie and Granda . We decided in a very very short discussion that DH wasn't happy with that - he really felt the only person who should have beenc alled Granda on his side of the family was his dad, who had sadly died...

It very quickly was accepted,. without ever us having to explain our reasoning, that the couple were called Grannie and

No-one ever had a problem with it - he had never been a father figure to my DH (DH had left home by the time he moved in), so he wasn't a conventional "Step Father" figure to him, so he wasn't a Step Grandfather.

My girls have never questioned it.

My mother has a long-term partner. I call him Jim, so my children call him Jimpa

Love Spidermaman's story, made me well up!

I know some children who have 3 grannies, Mum's mum, Dad's Mum and Mum's bio-mum who gave her up for adoption but who is now in touch and part of their lives. You can have more than 2 Grandads too.

You can, but you don't have to! (Have more than one Grandad). If my parents had just separated I would be fine with another Grandad, but what I can't bear would be the children calling Grandad when it will never again be my Dad they are calling. I would find other names a bit less hard to deal with (Gramps/Pops/Opa whatever), just not Grandad...

Stepping away from this thread now - too much heartache.