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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think DH is over-reacting and being a twat

80 replies

SlightlyJaded · 07/06/2010 23:28

In a nutshell. I slapped six squares of 'sample paint' on our white kitchen wall yeterday. They are on the far wall in the corner and each square is about 6 inches square (otherwise you can't really tell can you???). They are varying shades of greys / taupes [yawn emotive] but we have black glossy cabinets, wooden floors and white tiles and anything more colourful, would (IMO) look ridiculous.

We have had a vague conversation about painting one of the walls the week before and knowing how hard DH works, and knowing I will be the one that ends up doing it anyway, I didn't think twice about slapping some samples up...

DH came home and went completely mental saying that I was just being 'pre-menstural' and knee-jerk, that I never consult him on anything and that I know how hard he is working and that he won't have time to paint for ages, so we will just have six messy paint patches on the wall for ages. When I said that I intended to do the job myself, he changed tack saying he hated all the colours (even though I know he prefers muted and neutral colours) but refused to consider or suggest any alternatives because I had not discussed it with him and it should be a 'joint decision'.

When I pointed out that the point of 'samples' was to 'sample' the colour to see if you liked it and i hadn't painted the whole house bright fucking pink, he said that it wasn't the point, and that I should have discussed what colour samples we tried and when we were going to do it. (He even mentioned the fact that is DD's party if four weeks and what will the guests think of our 'patchy wall' - the guests will be five years old....)

AIBU in thinking he is being an over-sensitive twat and that he should be grateful I am just getting on with it or am I actually just (whispers) being a bit selfish and thoughtless..... I am actually quite tempted to just paint the whole wall now but possibly that would be red rag to a bull?

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 07/06/2010 23:29

yeah, he's being a twat.

Tortington · 07/06/2010 23:31

so let me get this straight...he wants you to consult him about the colour of the samples

he's obviously had a shit day and is taking it out on you. this means he is a prize certified dickhead of the highest order. tell him to fuck the fuck off them kick him in the manjo.

grumpytubwumper · 07/06/2010 23:31

yanbu - paint it a really crappy brown/duckshit green or gaudy colour just to piss him off. That'll teach him!

venetianred · 07/06/2010 23:32

Was he just in the wrong frame of mind.....could you write something silly on each of the colours and see if he laughs?

Doodlez · 07/06/2010 23:33

YANBU - he's being a knobber. Sounds like he's taking summat else out on you - crap at work maybe?

TheCappster · 07/06/2010 23:34

it is a joint decision

you have put samples up for you to jointly decide on

he is being a twat

wrong frame of mind my arse

booyhoo · 07/06/2010 23:34

oh gosh, he couldn't cope with me at all. OH comes home to a different living room every time he has been on deployment. in my defence, six months is a long time and i had hoped he would have forgotten what it looked like before he left.

Cadelaide · 07/06/2010 23:34

yes, i thought it sounds like he was tired or something, bad day at work, whatever

LordVolAuVent · 07/06/2010 23:36

YABU in thinking those are the only colours that go with black. Don't you know black goes with everything? May I suggest a cerise or lime green?

TheCappster · 07/06/2010 23:37

Lawrence Lleleleeyeeyeen Bowen used to suggest black with pink and ivory

Thediaryofanobody · 07/06/2010 23:39

YABU you jointly own the house he has the right in having a say, you took it out of his hands.

SlightlyJaded · 07/06/2010 23:41

Ooooh I remember a room Lawrence did on a very early series of 'changing rooms' that was black, red and ivory. The woman cried and said it looked like a brothel....hmmm? wonders about a brothel themed kitchen

But hurrah that you all think he is being a twat. I mean seriously, the clue is in the word 'sample' surely?

OP posts:
TheCappster · 07/06/2010 23:41

Thediaryofanobody oh please

she has put up some samples for them to look at

she hasn't added an East Wing

SlightlyJaded · 07/06/2010 23:42

Yes Diary, but surely putting up samples for him to 'consider' shows that I value his opinion. If I didn't care, I would have just selected my favourite colour and slapped it all over...

OP posts:
BritFish · 07/06/2010 23:45

he's being a complete twat, but he's going to have to chill out.

i did this to our walls, we had cream walls and i wanted to paint the kitchen a really intense jewel colour and i left it there for about 4 days and DH went off on one [hes a perfectionist, my complete opposite!]
we argued and he refused to make up properly and stormed off to work, he came home and i had painted the kitchen in big wobbly stripes in pink/purple/blue/jade/orange.
he burst out laughing and we had those stripes for a further two years [i was pregnant at the time...maybe he just didnt want to argue with a heavily pregnant woman brandishing a paintbrush]

skidoodly · 07/06/2010 23:45

YANBU

overlysentimental · 07/06/2010 23:46

He is being a twat and has obviously had a bad day. DH does this to me all the time, complains I have made more work for him just by doing something myself.

However, without wishing to sound self satisfied, it's a good idea to paint samples on sheets of A4 paper. Then you can stick them to the wall in various places and don't have to put up with the patches.

Realise it's a bit late now but just a thought for when you go out and buy 6 new colours that he MIGHT like.

Nellykats · 07/06/2010 23:50

A very light grey blue is what we did with black and white kitchen and wooden floors, plain grey could be a tad monotonous... And definitely YANBU, he probably had a bad day and took it out on the paint!

Good for you that you consider doing it yourself, I've been waiting half a year for DH tackle DIY, but I forgive him as he is the Master of the Dishwasher.

Tortington · 07/06/2010 23:50

how anal is that though, are some people really that fucked about neutral patches on a corner of the kitchen - thats pretty weird. next thing you know the tins will all be label front only in the cupboard and you will be taking secret swimming lessons and faking your own death...

Cadelaide · 07/06/2010 23:50

oooh, I'm having a bit of a laurence llewelyn bowen night

Iggisfulloftayto · 07/06/2010 23:51

Bit as I could paint kitchen pink with spots a la Mr Tumbles' kitchen and DH would not even notice.

Snobear4000 · 07/06/2010 23:57

I ain't saying anything, because your DH might end up reading this thread, take great offence, with your post and subsequent advice contributing to the ruination of your marriage...

...as can happen these days.

bumpybecky · 08/06/2010 00:00

he's overreacting

but then I've had paint sample squares on my kitchen wall for over two months now, just waiting for the time to paint then rest!

GypsyMoth · 08/06/2010 00:21

He feels pressured..... Nagged at...... Then when you said you'd do it, it threw him. ( are your decorating skills any good Btw?)

is he like this in other areas?

overlysentimental · 08/06/2010 05:45

custardo, but at least she'd get to try on dresses whilst listening to Van Morrison.

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