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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a Stag Week is taking it too far?

55 replies

TreeTrunkThighs · 07/06/2010 14:12

DH is to be a best man some time soon and we were talking about the speech and Stag Do at the weekend.

He mentioned that, as organiser, he might look at arranging a week abroad for the Stag Do.

I made it very clear that I wouldn't be happy about it, but obviously can't stop him if that's what he wants. He thought I was being unreasonable, but I'm not really am I?

A long weekend is enough, surely?

OP posts:
RooBear · 07/06/2010 14:14

you'd think, but its seems the more extravgant the better is the latest thing, do you think his friends would be able to fford it? even weekends are expensive.

Mingg · 07/06/2010 14:14

Indeed - how many people would even be able to attend a stag week?

misscph1973 · 07/06/2010 14:15

I think it is definitely taking it too far - if I was a wedding guest, I wouldn't be able to afford a hen week on top of wedding gift, outfit, hotel, babysitting etc.

In general I think stag and hen dos are OTT these days.

RooBear · 07/06/2010 14:15

extravagant/afford my 'a' button is playing up!

Fibilou · 07/06/2010 14:15

An evening is sufficient IMO. I hate what stag + hen dos have become

Fibilou · 07/06/2010 14:17

in fact they represent all that is bad about the modern wedding - the pressure to spend,spend spend and then spend some more in an attempt to outdo the last wedding. It's very sad.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/06/2010 14:17

A week? I'm obviously living on a different planet. I thought I was being tolerant when dh went F-S on a stag weekend (in the sex capital of Thailand no less)

Mingg · 07/06/2010 14:17

Way OTT, I know someone who is having 3 hen dos - one in Lisbon, one in Rome and one in Edinburgh (for the ones that cannot afford Lisbon and/or Rome)

TartyMcFarty · 07/06/2010 14:20

yanbu, but I'm of the opinion that a night out is all it needs. You could tell DH that you'll be doing likewise and booking a girlie hol while he has the kids.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 07/06/2010 14:22

an afternoon/night is more than sufficient.

TakeLovingChances · 07/06/2010 14:23

YANBU!

Linziwam · 07/06/2010 14:24

I think it's U to organise a week and just expect peopleto come, but if there's a group of them that are happy with it and can afford it, I'd have no problem with it. A week without him won't kill you and he'll owe you loads of me time when he gets back!
At least he's making a good effort for his friend. With the people I know, blokes never seem to make an effort for their mates

skidoodly · 07/06/2010 14:26

Nobody will thank him if he organises a stag week.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 07/06/2010 14:27

What is wrong with a stag do? As in ONE night? Why all the long weekends, trips to brothels amsterdam?

biddysmama · 07/06/2010 14:31

dps best man is talking about a stag weekend in blackpool.... my hen night will be at my house and i wont be able to drink... great fun lol

PortiaNovmerriment · 07/06/2010 14:31

His name will be mud with most of the guys' partners if they are being fleeced of family funds and getting dumped with a week of unrelieved childcare. If they are all high-earning singletons that's another matter- but it's the height of bad manners in my book to arrange something with such obvious inconvenient consequences. What's wrong with a day at a racetrack or similar and a few beers?

diamondsandtiaras · 07/06/2010 14:32

way OTT IMO, although that seems to be the way it works these days. It seems to be the norm for there to be 2 stag do's - one abroad and one at home for those who can't get to the abroad one. I agree that the cost is just rediculous. I can't imagine the bride would be too happy about a full week abroad either tbh......especially not if they are in the midst of wedding preparations etc (unless she's having a week away too of course.......)

YellowDaffodil · 07/06/2010 14:49

DH went on a stag week - did not go down well with anybody!

DH and others all felt like shit and wanted to come home after 4 days (so weekend would have been enough for everyone and still too much in my opinion.) DH said never again and is not as close to groom as he once was.

Bride didn't want him to go for a week - if I had been her I would have called off the wedding. She ended up with one night in local town for her hen do(perfectly reasonable) but wanted a weekend. Those of us with partners going for a week point blank refused to shell out more money.

Might also be worth mentioning to the groom that wedding presents will be alot less if couples have forked out for weeks away. Possibly Bride will not be amused by this.

poppymouse · 07/06/2010 14:54

It's the using a week of your holiday allowance too! We save it up for when the whole family needs a rest/DIY projects/visiting family/time off work when DS is unwell or CM on hols or unavailable. My brother, at the time a high earning DINKY took a friend aside and pointed out that even he was balking at a stag weekend abroad and a wedding abroad and he was the one in their circle of friends who was most able to afford it. Some of the guys might love the idea, they'll kid themselves they're 19 again, but when they start using up their time off work and the costs start adding up, I think they will start going off the idea, even if they say it's their better halves making a fuss.

mistletoekisses · 07/06/2010 14:54

YANBU

I think a lot of people nowadays just take the piss quite frankly. A friend of mine who is chief bridesmaid for one of her friends is already stressing about the hen do. She (and most of the other female friends) have very young families and will all be happy with a fairly local day/ evening event. The bride (with no DC's) wants a long weekend away. My friend feels she has no choice but to do what the bride wants. Not one of the guests is happy about it.

Why people cannot see the pressure these damn things put on everyone else is beyond me.

GeekOfTheWeek · 07/06/2010 14:56

How ridiculous.

Besides the cost, it means people using annual leave from work.

Neither dh nor I would attend anything like this.

izzybiz · 07/06/2010 15:05

Me and Dh had Stag/Hen weekends-well short breaks really, 4 nights.

Its how alot of our circle of friends do things we have each been on a few weekends away.

If someone cant/doesn't want to go they don't have to, I don't understand why everyone thinks people are 'pressured' into it.

If you want to go then you go, if not don't.

You not liking the idea doesn't make it ridiculous, we have a fantastic time, so much in fact that we are doing it again this year and nobody is getting married!

Dh and his friends are off to Crete on Thursday and I will be going to Fuengirola with my girlfriends next month.

rastababi · 07/06/2010 15:07

OTT to me. Like others have said what about time off work, financial issues or family commitments for those invited? It could potentially end up being a disaster.

They do cause pressure like mistletoekisses said. My SIL is getting married this month, she's having 5 separate hen do's. I can only attend one due to family commitment/financial reasons, and even that one I have to leave early on the last bus as I can't afford/justify the £32 taxi home, but the whole hen issue has left me feeling guilty and sad.

TakeLovingChances · 07/06/2010 15:10

5 hen do's??? that's a lot imo!

GeekOfTheWeek · 07/06/2010 15:13

izzybiz, I said it was ridiculous as imo it is a big ask for people to attend for a week. How wonderful it must be to be in your group of friends Doesn't mean that everyone can do it.