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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to put ds in nursery

82 replies

WitchyWooWoo · 04/06/2010 14:15

im a sahm, there is no reason for me to -need- to put ds in nursery. However i was considering putting him in for 1 day a week, so he can socialise and i can get a day to really get stuck into housework etc.

part of me thinks this is a great idea, ds will get to play in a safe structured environment, learn and hopefully have fun while i can give the toilet and other places the chemically attention they really need.

he's 21 months old. apart from a toddler group once a week (hes been twice) he's not had any interaction with little uns..

i really don't know if i am bu or not. what to do, what to do.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 04/06/2010 22:41

Mine's been going two mornings a week since he was 2 1/2, even though he doesn't technically need to because I'm a WAHM and mostly work in the evenings, and he absolutely loves it. He's made friends, his confidence has increased massively and it means he'll be starting school with a gang of familiar faces. We had a few rocky mornings once the novelty wore off, when he wanted me to stay with him, but now he's in like a shot and I'm lucky if he remembers to say goodbye. We're also in an area with no toddler groups and my friends with kids all work full-time and can only come out to play at weekends, so the week was interminable until he started nursery.

Original poster
WitchyWooWoo · 04/06/2010 22:41

its not so much for me time totallywiped. its so ds can really socialise while i get things done that arent always possible with him running around me. i get me time when dh lets me lie in on a sunday, or when he looks after ds while i go into town, meet friends etc. ill probably need some me time after cleaning like mad all day

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 04/06/2010 22:42

up to them how they spend their time.your judgey mcjudgey.just cause you dont likey doesnt mean is same for everyone else

and yes i have friends sahm put baby in nursery 2 days per week to get some time.up to them

LordVolAuVent · 04/06/2010 22:45

Why must we martyr ourselves so completely?? Nothing wrong with spending a bit of time (OP talking about a day or 2 mornings) alone to recharge and prevent total madness, children are hard work and long hours.

Judge away totallywipedout but imho, if OP's child is sociable a day in nursery will probably do him good, a bit of a change for him. I'd definitely put DS in nursery for a day if I could afford it, he'd love it.

But my spare cash goes on my gel overlays and bi-monthly highlights

mrsfollowill · 04/06/2010 22:52

I would def do this for him and you. You will probably both benefit from it. Agree with earlier comments about 2 half days- he will have a great time with other kids. There is nothing wrong with wanting some 'me' time! If anything you will enjoy your time with him more. If he is usually alert in the mornings and has an afternoon nap book him into nursery for two mornings. Kids need the company of other kids. It will be less of a shock (to you both) when he starts school. Believe me that time will come faster than you can imagine. I still have a lump in my throat thinking about DS's first day at school . I work part time and now have 2 days a week lying on the sofa watching Twilight and eating chocolate catching up on housework

scottishmummy · 04/06/2010 22:52

i need me time to buy a bra,go clinique counter,drink in afternoon

LordVolAuVent · 04/06/2010 23:03

Actually, if I were you WWW, I'd train DS up to do the housework and spend the £25 on whatever your heart desires (something pretty for yourself) - no-one has to know, so no-one would judge

TotallyWipedout · 04/06/2010 23:34

Scottishmummy, are you always so unpleasant, or have you just taken a cyber-dislike to me?

Yes, I do judge parents who slam their children in nursery five days a week so that they can get on with their pre-child lives. If that's what they want for themselves, fine. But if they choose to have a baby, they owe him/her at least some of their precious time. That is decidedly not what the OP is talking about!

Greythorne · 04/06/2010 23:38

Depends on how your child likes it. I tried my DD1 in nursery one morning a week when she was 2.6 and it was a disaster, but more a reflection on a completely crap nursery than anything. But once bitten, twice shy and she did about 4 sessions before we called it quits and never went anywhere else.
FI, she is now a very well-adjusted and happy child at school and the poor nursery experience did not harm her nor did it point up "socialisation" problems to come. No nursery for her did not mean starting school was terrible either.

scottishmummy · 04/06/2010 23:51

TWO,you have a very selective memory omitting your posts eg you said "I wore very big judgy pants about people who put young children in nurseries when they didn't need to"

and what exactly are you singling me out about

oh i see! i and others had temerity to disagree

oh diddums

scottishmummy · 05/06/2010 00:12

i read "slam" is a pejorative biddulph term

and i see you said precious time - ach that would bring a tear to a glass eye so it would.

pingviner · 05/06/2010 00:35

i like the image of slamming a child in nursery
lovely and evocative
and so final!

Wipes glass eye

Mechty, I'll hae tae dae that to the wean next time Im scunnert wi him

TotallyWipedout · 05/06/2010 09:58

'Precious time' was ironic. Sigh.

But 'slamming' wasn't ironic. And yes, I do judge people who put their needs before their children's on a regular basis. And as I say, I am decidedly not talking about the OP's dilemma here.

Never mind 'diddums': I am more than happy with disagreement, but there's no need to be nasty.

ScreaminEagle · 05/06/2010 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

notso · 05/06/2010 10:21

You might be better off doing two mornings or afternoons than a full day depending on your sons character.
My DD went to nursery 1 day a week from four months, while I did a college course and she hated it from about 18 months, she didn't have enough time to form proper friendships with the other children, the majority of whom were full-time.
The same thing has happened at the school nursery where I work we have a child who can only attend once a week and in the 10 months she has been coming she hasn't made a single friend, despite our best efforts to encourage her to mix, she is only happy talking to her key worker.

TotallyWipedout · 05/06/2010 11:00

Not backtracking at all.

I initially said that I wouldn't have done it myself at all, but that the OP was not being unreasonable, and that it may well be right for her and her child.

The conversation then moved on (in the way conversations do, even online) to the fact that SAHMs might be judged by others for putting their children in nursery. During the course of that, I said that I judged SAHMs who put their children in nursery for five days a week while they played tennis and had their nails painted. I do judge them, and make no apologies for it. I also make no apologies for the use of 'slamming': it was wholly deliberate, and was a reference to Steve Biddulph and Penelope Leach (as some posters realised).

I did not at any point suggest that the OP was planning to put her child in nursery for five days a week so she could have her nails painted. I did suggest that she employ a cleaner as an alternative to putting her child in nursery if it's the housework that is understandably getting to her. But I most certainly don't judge anyone who wants a short break from looking after small children. That should surely go without saying.

Sigh. Some people on MN just choose to see what they want to see.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 05/06/2010 11:07

I am a SAHM and DS has gone to nursery since he was 8months old for at least a day a week so I could study/go to the cinema/sleep/shop/meet friends for lunch I would have gone NUTS if I didn't have a day off as I am not a naturally maternal type.

YANBU. Enjoy your time off, even if you do housework!

Feelingsensitive · 05/06/2010 11:23

Try it. If he hates it after a month or so then take him out and try again in 6 months.

bodenbore · 05/06/2010 11:33

Notso - is it really bad if the child that you speak of only plays / speaks to the keyworker - would that not be considered normal for the child to form an attachment with the key worker??

SeaTrek · 05/06/2010 11:48

YANBU

I know a LOT of SAHM's who do/did this. It will hopefully mean that you are more relaxed and can spend more time with him when he is with you as you won't have to worry about the housework so much at these times.

I even know a SAHM who put her DD into nursery almost full time - I personally think that is taking it too far. Her DD was a nursery more than my DS and I worked part-time!

The nursery my son went to insisted on a minimum of two sessions though - which a full day is, but they advised that it was better for them to actually come twice a week for a shorter time, in order for them to settle quicker.

poppymouse · 05/06/2010 12:00

YANBU. I like the sound of a couple of half days but you know what will be good for you and him. You will enjoy the time you spend with him so much more and you will both get more out of it than if you are feeling you never get a minute to yourself and you are thinking of all the housework/gardening etc you never seem to get a chance to do.

My DH has been working loads lately and I was feeling a bit run ragged. I left DH in charge and nipped out to the shops for a couple of hours, sat down in a cafe with a cuppa and a paper. DH said take as long as you want but before long I was keen to get home and spend the afternoon as a family. Batteries recharged. All I've missed is breakfast and a nap. So worth it.

lilmamma · 05/06/2010 19:54

my son and his partner have had to put my grandson in daycare,as he lives out in texas and the person minding him was unsuitable,leaving him on the couch,he fell off the bed and she never mentioned it,a younger child told off her,anyway,its the best thing ever he loves it and has really come on,they are moving soon,so mum will be able to spend a few days at home with him,but the great thing is,he has a web cam in the daycare and i can log on at anytime and see what is going on,and watch him crawling round and playing with all the toys its great..

I think it helps them when they are older,mixing and sharing with other children,good luck..

chickbean · 05/06/2010 20:07

I have done this with DS1 and DS2 - they were both fine with it - will probably send DD when she's a year old. Do find that I don't get much housework done though - tend to meet up with friends for coffee!

14hourstillbedtime · 05/06/2010 20:09

well, I'm putting DS (who will be 3.3) in preschool 3 full days a week in September.... I'm a SAHM - but did I mention I also have a new baby?!

so no nail-painting time for me, I'm afraid just slightly-less-insane time as I'll only have one child to care for!

(But still totally agree with SM and LVAUV - would love some me-time - just not practical right now with new baby who won't take the bottle - fully intend on scheduling some me-time into the program when the baby's a bit older! Why not? I'm an adult, too, as well as a mum, KWIM?)

mamatomany · 05/06/2010 20:23

I had 3 close together and lived in a tiny house and painting and sticking craft stuff really stressed me out so I sent my eldest to nursery 5 mornings a week to do all that, but you know what I regret it.
I wish I'd spent the money on a cleaner and then a babysitter at night for DH and I to have us time instead.
These years fly by OP and the house work will still be there.