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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put ds in nursery

82 replies

WitchyWooWoo · 04/06/2010 14:15

im a sahm, there is no reason for me to -need- to put ds in nursery. However i was considering putting him in for 1 day a week, so he can socialise and i can get a day to really get stuck into housework etc.

part of me thinks this is a great idea, ds will get to play in a safe structured environment, learn and hopefully have fun while i can give the toilet and other places the chemically attention they really need.

he's 21 months old. apart from a toddler group once a week (hes been twice) he's not had any interaction with little uns..

i really don't know if i am bu or not. what to do, what to do.

OP posts:

websticks · 04/06/2010 17:34

Go for 2 mornings or 2 afternoons instead of one full day. i work in a nusery and children settle much better and get far more out of it if they do at leased two sessions a week.

LetThereBeRock · 04/06/2010 17:37

YANBU.It's fine and you can always take him out if he isn't enjoying it.

Shaz10 · 04/06/2010 17:39

Sounds like a great idea. Hope it all goes well.

whatname · 04/06/2010 17:42

I don't have that many friends with children and was very aware that it could just be me and DS all the time, which I didn't think was healthy. He did 2 afternoons a week from about 11 months, started with just a couple of hours. Loves it. He's very social but I think he probably would have been anyone, no way of knowing I guess.

Now it's my lifeline, I would never get anything done if he didn't go. I spend the 2 afternoons a week racing round trying to get everything done. And now I am looking to going back to work, I'm not worried that nursery will be a big shock for him.

I would go for a couple of afternoons or mornings, a whole day can be very long for them

Firawla · 04/06/2010 17:46

do you have surestart near you because most of the sessions are like that, able to run around & play not too structured as compared to rhyme time kindastuff they do @ libraries or wherever else

PiscesLondon · 04/06/2010 19:42

YANBU - at all!

go and have a look around a few nurseries and chat to the staff and get a feel for it. if you decide to go ahead and put him in he'll soon settle and probably have a great time with the other kids.

thesecondcoming · 04/06/2010 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whelk · 04/06/2010 20:07

YANBU. In times gone by little 'uns would be left with grandparents/ friends/ family members and learn to trust other adults and develop their own self confidence away from their mumss. In the absence of that nurseries can offer a good substitute.

Mums also get a chance to have a break, a little time to themselves and come back to be a better mum (after all we have a break from paid work so don't feel guilty about needing the odd break!)

Have a look at a good of nurseries though as they vary so much.

My own dd has benefitted enormously from nursery. And I was one who was initially all for keeping her at home with me!

lindsaygii · 04/06/2010 20:17

At his age I'd say you were being unreasonable not to.

It's not natural for a baby to hang out with one adult all day long. He needs other kids about him, to learn the rough and tumble. Otherwise he's really going to find school a BIG shock.

Mine started nursery in January (at seven months old) and he loves it, I get ideas for activities from it, he catches bugs, paints, sees other kids and adults. It's absolutely brilliant.

Bushers · 04/06/2010 20:54

I think you should go for it. My dd goes to nursery 2 mornings a week while I go to work. They are so good with her, she is only 7 months old and I was so worried, but the love and attention she gets there is fantastic. When I pick her up, she is always happy to see me, and is always in a very sunny mood. Don't feel guilty, just make sure you pick the right nursery, it doesnt matter if it is spotless, it is more about the staff and how content the children are.

heymango · 04/06/2010 21:10

I don't think there is anything wrong with using a nursery one day a week - he will probably enjoy it and definitely needs to be with other children.

I would look at other group options though as well - tumble tots, socatots (i.e. the action ones - better for boys!) You really need to have friends with children - it'll make your life so much easier (and I know what you mean about some playgroups).

TotallyWipedout · 04/06/2010 21:13

I'm a SAHM and I wouldn't have done it with mine. I did when they were three/four for a couple of mornings, so they could have a change of scenery - but until then, it was toddler groups, NCT coffee mornings and so on. It took me two years to do that, as I had such a horror of such things - but it was fantastic to meet other local mothers and children. Some are still my closest friends now, eight years on.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, though. Go for whatever suits you and your son best.

mummychicken · 04/06/2010 21:17

I think it's a brilliant idea - it is really important for them to learn social skills (just the basics - you know , not biting or pushing others!) but I think you should go for 2 mornings - especially if he still has a nap in the aftrenoon.

It also means you will get a chance to meet other Mums at the gates and hopefully get some play dates from it

Pozzled · 04/06/2010 21:54

I would definitely try it.

I have to work, so DD is in nursery 3 days a week. But DH and I have often said that even if I could be a SAHM we'd still want to put DD in nursery for a bit each week, just not so long. I think the socialisation aspect is great for her, and also the fact that she is comfortable with other carers.

Plus, I find it so hard to get all the housework done- I'm sure that if I had just a few hours each work to do that, the rest of the time that I spend with DD could be much higher quality IYSWIM.

Agree with those who say that 2 mornings might be better than 1 day though.

TotallyWipedout · 04/06/2010 22:14

Just as a thought ... if it's housework that's falling by the wayside, have you thought of employing a cleaner instead of paying for nursery? I had a cleaner when the children were little - only once a week, but it did make a difference.

BuzzingNoise · 04/06/2010 22:18

YANBU at all. When I was a SAHM I had my son with a childminder for one or sometimes two days a week. It meant he socialised and I got valuable me time. Now he's started school and was confident and happy right from the start.

scottishmummy · 04/06/2010 22:20

if you want to yes do it.be aware you will get comments and harrumphs about it.but if it gives you what you want yes do it

BuzzingNoise · 04/06/2010 22:22

I did get some comments from other SAHMs. I put it down to jealousy and continued to enjoy my child-free shopping

TotallyWipedout · 04/06/2010 22:25

I'm a bit about 'valuable me-time'. Isn't that what we willingly and knowingly give up when we have children, so that we can look forward to old age and not having to do anything at all?

But, yes, it is true that you will get comments. I would never have said anything, but I wore very big judgy pants about people who put young children in nurseries when they didn't need to. Just bear in mind that once they are at school, this whole period will seem to have been over in the blink of an eye. Housework, on the other hand, will still be there once your children are at school.

BuzzingNoise · 04/06/2010 22:27

Oh god it was valuable to me. I was suffering from severe PND.
I do envy people who are able to give up everything for their children, but that's not me, I'm afraid.

scottishmummy · 04/06/2010 22:30

being mum isnt giving things up competition.
of course everyone needs time for themself.

a few occasions shopping,meet mates,coffee and cinema wont make the time with kids evaporate any faster.it might make one feel recharged,calm,happy

TotallyWipedout · 04/06/2010 22:30

Ah, I admire anyone who manages anything at all with severe PND! That is very different from the kind of "valuable me-time" that various SAHMs of my acquaintance went in for while their babies were at nursery...

BuzzingNoise · 04/06/2010 22:32

scottishmummy · 04/06/2010 22:32

but if they need mw time,and you dont is up to them.isnt a competition who spends longest with/does most for children

legitimate to want adult time away from children imo

TotallyWipedout · 04/06/2010 22:38

Fine, ScottishMummy, I am not here to argue the toss about that one. I'm talking about 4x4-driving SAHMs who had their nails painted, played tennis and went shopping five days a week while their babies were in nursery. They all had cleaners and gardeners, so they obviously had nothing to do at home.

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