to hate my dh going on and on about money?

[MummyAnnabella]

we are not poor. we have lovely house. nice cars. okay we are not as well off as we were a few years ago before kids as on one salary at the moment as i am on maternity leave again.

he moans and complains all the time about money and basically resents me spending any money on myself. i have some savings left that i am living on when on mat leave, you know just coffees, lunches etc and i still put same amount into joint account as i did when working fulltime.

it is making me hate him at the moment.

steg - your approach is very similar to my dh. It isn't 'we' it is 'me' and 'you'. He is all proud of providing, but resentful at the drop of a hat that I don't contribute more. In financial difficulties this mentality will destroy you both.

Firstly, woman say 'I hate him' 'he drives me nuts' 'I want to strangle him' etc etc, to let off frustration, we don't mean it - we just mean we are highly frustrated/p_ed off.

Secondly, regardless of your financial history, you have really put her on the defensive on this issue. You have kicked this all off by making accusations about her expenditure instead of a more 'team' approach of making a cup of tea and saying 'oh sh_t, we are really in the poo, what are we going to do?' We really need to do a financial plan together for the next year and talk seriously about how to optimise our financial position.

Don't underestimate how hard it is being 9months pregnant - extremely vulnerable and usually a bit scared. You two need to get onside, lots of hugs and heart to hearts, but don't go into the conversation already having decided what you want from her, and deciding how to get it. An open and honest conversation is just that, you must listen and be prepared to revise things accordingly. She may have ideas you haven't even listened too.

Good luck.

Xenia is right. And, though she has admitted she is a Tory, she gives sound advice here.

I went to work 8 weeks after DD1 was born. With DD2, I had been there a while, so it was 20 weeks.

Now, I am bursting to get back to full time work.

I do not care that it is debt collection or call centre or tourist/at a castle or estate homes.

Get some professional advice, both financially and maritally.

< though she has admitted she is a Tory, she gives sound advice here >
and lol!

OP and Steg - this thread has been haunting me. I hope that you have both managed to talk. And OP, hope the delivery of your third DC goes well.

It's been haunting me too. You must look to the future and not concentrate on 'blame'. You have to find a way to make it all work. Good luck with it.